Monday, November 30, 2015

Are You Following the Rules?

The government has rules.
Schools have rules.
Society has rules.
Parents and then family have rules.
Relationships have rules.

I tried to follow all the rules. I was a good boy.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep track. The rule book is too big.

And then I got the phone calls. Why didn’t you follow that rule?

I don’t know. It didn’t make me feel good.

Well, if the only thing that is important to you is feeling good you would just kill and steal and lie to people all the time.

Why would any of that make me feel good?

Well, what does make you feel good?

Talking to you on the phone makes me feel good.

Aside from that.

Walking outside and looking at people. Feeling the last remnants of sun on my cheek before the winter comes.

Being kind to someone when they least expect it. Surprise makes me feel good.

Knowing that every now and then I can still make my teenage children laugh.

I gave a talk a few months ago and I heard my youngest laugh. That is the best feeling I’ve ever had. She laughed right after I said something that felt like it was breaking the rules (I forget the statement: I was describing either lying or stealing or saying something about my mom).

Seeing the smile of a woman up close after a first kiss. That makes me feel good.

Being with friends who love me and I love. Anybody else…and I don’t feel so good. I feel sick.

Feeling like I’m improving at something I love. Because that grounds me and let’s me enjoy the company of others with the same passions.

Feeling like I need less than I thought I needed. Because needing less allows me to float into the sky without feeling scared, without feeling burdened to the ground.

Feeling always like I’m exploring.

Writing something really really awful. Because who gives a fuck.

Like this.

—-

So many times I hear from people who say: I have to follow the career (or marry the person), my parents want.

Or someone says: I have to go to college or nobody will give me a job.

Or someone tells me: you should be around these people. They can help you succeed. (But I don’t like them so what should I do?).

Or someone says: I want to have ten million dollars to relax. And own a big home so I can feel roots.

Or someone says: You have to vote in order to have your voice heard in society.

Or someone says: I feel stuck because I can’t quit my job because I have all of my family responsibilities.

I built a prison for myself also. It had triple locks. It had lots of guards. It had solitary confinement when I was bad. I didn’t much like my fellow prisoners but they were in here with me so I figured I would be with them.

I felt ashamed when I broke the rules of the prison. When I went broke. When I didn’t take the career I was supposed to.

When I didn’t return the calls or network with the right people or when I quit without warning the job I didn’t like or lost the homes I could no longer pay for.

Or when I was thrown out of school or when I didn’t pay the IRS or when I didn’t love enough the people I was supposed to love. Or the things I have done when I was so scared about money I thought I would go broke and die.

Or when I tried to live in a homeless shelter just to meet women or when I demanded love back from the women who didn’t love me or when I cried because I was scared that my life would disappear and nothing would be left behind.

This was solitary confinement. And it was lonely and I was afraid.

And one day I walked out.

And nobody ever saw me again.


Read More: How To Be The Luckiest Guy On the Planet in 4 Easy Steps. 

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Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Then On My Way To the Doctor, This Happened

At first I lied to him.

The taxi driver asked what they all do, “How’s your day”.

I gave the usual response.

But then I realized I was about to enter into a long-term relationship with this man. We were going to travel 84 blocks together.

It’s bad to begin a relationship with a lie. So I told him the truth about how my day was going so far.

“Ugh,” he said. “ok!”

“You asked,” I said.

He thought for a second. Then he spoke in a thick Jamaican accent.

“That’s nothing at all,” he said. “I’m going to tell you about my worst day ever.”

This was one of those crucial decision points. I had my phone all set to Dial. I had calls to make. I always try to get business done in long cab rides.

The way I decide this type of fork in the road is by using Alzheimer’s Disease.

When I come down with eventual Alzheimers am I more likely to remember one of the phone calls I was about to make. Or would I remember his story.

I put the phone down.

Ok, tell me.

He starts:

My niece tell me she saw my wife sitting in a car in the street with another guy.

I tell her, don’t you ever f-ing tell me about my wife again. I don’t want her telling me that, see, because now it puts the thought in my head.

But I kept noticing things about my wife. So my brother gives me this app for the phone. I put it on my wife’s phone. Then I tell her I’m going over my brother’s house.

She gets a phone call and I listen.

“Wait a second,” I said. “There’s an app that lets you listen in on phone calls.”

“Let me tell you something,” he said, “there’s an app for anything.”

I got thrown out of graduate school for computer science so I like when cab drivers teach me something new about computers.

He continues:

Anyway.

I listen in and this guy calls her. Hey baby, meet me around the corner on Ocean Ave.

So I go over there. I see this car. Then I see her walking up. I drive right up and block the car from moving and I get up.

Baby, she says, what-what are you doing here?

Don’t give me that, I say.

This my family, she say.

This your family? I know your whole family. This ain’t your family.

Now I turn to the guy. I put my hand in my vest pocket. You know, like I have a gun.

Now I’m talking to him, see. So I say, what are you doing with my wife?

The cab driver looked at me in the rear view mirror. We had already gone about 30 blocks. i was afraid the drop-off was going to happen before he finished his story.

What did he do?

He ran away even though the car was still running. He really thought I had a gun.

And I grabbed my wife by the neck. I said to her, I ain’t going to do anything to you with all of these people around.

I took her home. And when I was done, there was blood coming out of her ears. Blood coming out of her eyes. I never saw so much blood.

Wait, blood?

Yeah, blood. I beat her like I never beat anyone else. I never beat a woman before. But I beat her to a pulp.

Holy shit. Why didn’t you just leave?

He looked at me in the mirror again, I was angry. I loved her.

Anyway, he said. I was already seeing this other girl, so I just moved in with her.

You were already seeing another girl.

Oh yeah, he said.

He showed me a picture.

Pretty, I said.

Thanks. We’ve been married for awhile now. Three kids.

Do you still love her?

You know, he said, it’s day by day.

We got to my stop. To be honest, he was taking me to see a therapist. I figured now I had some material for the therapist.

Therapists are difficult because you always need to think of something to say to them that is worth the amount you pay them.

He turned around and looked at me. You know who you look like, he said.

Harry Potter. 

He laughed. That’s what I was going to say.

He shook my hand. He had a tight grip. May Jesus be with you.

You too, i said.

And I got out.

This week is Thanksgiving. The driver had a sickness. But I do also. Maybe many people do. I don’t know and never will.

The only thing we can do is love ourselves enough. Love ourselves enough so that when one person touches us in some way, they leave feeling better.

Maybe this is the way all of our sicknesses start to go away. Start to evaporate so that nobody gets hurt.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I’m grateful people always feel comfortable telling me their stories.

No matter what shit rains down on me, I still got the magic.


Read More: How To Be The Luckiest Guy On the Planet in 4 Easy Steps. 

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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Ep. 144 – Mary Karr: How to Start Anything

It won’t be the idea that causes you to quit… it’s fear.

It’s the big idea that stops us—the idea of being a Google or a Facebook, a New York Times best-selling author, a guru, a YouTube sensation, a Mark Cuban or Kevin O’Leary.

Sometimes, it seems easier to forget you even had the idea to begin with. The idea of success. But if you give in, you’ll end up quitting before you start.

It’s a trap.

Think about how many people are on Earth. There are millions of attractive people I have never met because I didn’t give myself the chance. I always thought, “She’d never have sex with me. “I didn’t even look. So I quit before I could start.

But staring at a girl is easy. And who knows what that leads to? If you want to achieve something, you need to make a move.

In today’s podcast, you’ll learn the steps you need to take to achieve anything.

My guest, Mary Karr, is an award-winning poet and best-selling memoirist with praise from Stephen King, among many other highly-esteemed writers. In the interview, Mary shares some easy techniques you can use to get started.

Number one, start with things that are easy or convenient, and build from there.

Identifying your interests is important, too. Mary started with reading. “Something about reading other people’s life stories made me less lonely,” she says.

Mary explains that it’s often “the thing that happened to you that was very dramatic that maybe nobody else would find dramatic,” that make the best stories.

These little moments give you insight. That’s what makes you capable of doing whatever you put your mind to. No one has your experiences, the order of those experiences, your relationships, your perspective, your talents, and your drive.

These pieces make you capable of doing something nobody else can. You have to work with what you have.

“I start with very convenient ideas and convenient memories in which I always appear to be doing beautiful and nimble things,” she says, “and then it turns out I was the one making a lot of the trouble.” When it’s your story, who knows what will turn out?

Your experiences shape what you’re capable of. And they shape what you’re on your way to becoming. “No one can tell me what the shape of my mind is like better than me,” Mary says.

In addition to her literary success, Mary taught creative writing in jail. Why? “All of us who write are ultimately trying to make the world less lonely,” she says.

If there’s an impact you’d like to make, make it. Even if you’re scared. “I’m never not scared,” Mary says.

When I asked what she’s scared of, I realized I’ve heard her list before. From myself. Scared of sounding like an idiot, being boring, “losing what little stature I’ve gained for myself.”

If what you have is so little, then what is there to lose? That’s how I picked myself up. I improved 1% a day. You can too.

Listen today for techniques to overcome your fear of failure. You’ll learn to look around you and discover opportunities. You’ll let yourself stare.

Resources and Links:

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Monday, November 23, 2015

Dare of the Day

She said, I am an introvert but had to develop tricks to fake being an extravert because of where I worked.

I said, Do you think everyone in LA is an extravert?

She said, I don’t know. Maybe they are all faking.

We were at a party. I had been sleeping but a friend called me up and said “you have to go this party three blocks away from you.” So I did.

Why? Because why not? Sometimes you know to say no. But to surrender to the moment, if nobody is getting hurt, sometimes you say yes. I went.

It was crowded and I knew some of the people and some of the people I didn’t. I didn’t know her but we were introduced. “You have to ask her for [X} favor,” the introducer whispered to me. But I never got around to the favor.

I said, can you tell me some of the tricks?

I asked because sometimes I feel I don’t really know how to live and look like a normal person.

Sometimes I like being home and writing and reading all day because that passes for human without me having to see, or touch, or talk to anyone. When I go outside, I often feel unhinged. Like I could float away.

So I wanted to know.

She didn’t tell me at first.

Please.

Ok, she said, sometimes I would do what I call a “dare of the day”. I would do something that I might be scared to do or was out of my comfort zone.

I said, like what?

She didn’t want to tell me.

Please.

She squinted her eyes at my face then touched my cheek and rubbed her fingers together as if pulling something off my face.

I would go up to people, strangers, and pretend to pull a wisp of hair off of their face.

That would freak me out, I said. Both doing it and having some stranger touch my face.

I would do all sorts of things like that.

Ok, I said, I want to try this. Start me off. Tell me more or tell me what I should do tomorrow.

She said, I can’t.

She made a motion with her fingers around her head the way people do when describing someone who is crazy.

She said, Now that i’ve told you this your mind will start working on it. Tomorrow you will wake up and your body will know what to do.

She told me the rest of her story, which was fascinating. Stay tuned for the podcast I hope she agrees to do.

Then I went home. I woke up and I was upset about something that had happened earlier the day before.

My friend Amy then had advice: go and eat pancakes and bacon and photograph it so I know you are eating. You have to prove it to me.

I went. I ate. I photographed.

Then my body knew what to do.

I walked outside and there was a man and his daughter. I held up my hands with palms out, non-confrontational and said, “Good morning!” and they smiled and said good morning back.

I started walking home. I saw a couple holding hands. Palms out, Good morning! And you [the girl] I love your blue hair. And you [the boy] I love your jacket.

A pretty girl crossing the street. Good morning! She turned away and angled away from me as she walked past. I guess it might be taken the wrong way sometimes. Maybe it might not be attractive.

I said to a guy opening up his store. Good morning! He smiled. Hey, good morning, guy.

I said it all the way home. I got home. I didn’t feel down anymore. The sun was coming in. I started to write.

First I wrote the girl from the party and told her what happened.

She wrote back (i’m going to paraphrase), don’t record your dares. That’s why I was hesitant to tell you the dares I did.

Ok, other than this one, I won’t.

She said it will take a few weeks to figure out your boundaries on dares. Both personal and physical.

She said, don’t dare anyone else to do this.

I didn’t understand her reason. But maybe it would affect the way I did my own dares. SO DON’T DO THIS.

I wanted to leave the party but I had one more question.

What did you do after you were working in LA for so long as an assistant.

She said, I went to get a PhD in Robotics at [best school in world for Robotics]. She laughed and I think she said, maybe that was a dare for myself also.

I went home. I went to sleep. And she was right.

My mind was going crazy that night. But in a good way.


Read More: The Ten Most Important Books To Expand Your Brain

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Friday, November 20, 2015

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Thursday, November 19, 2015

The Warren Buffett Guide to Making Money

I once went to a Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting. I met a guy who told me how in 1976 he bought 200 shares. “After a year the stock had doubled so I decided to take some profits off the table. I sold 100 shares and started a restaurant and ran that for the next 30 years,” he said. “Made a decent living.”

“The other 100 shares I did nothing with at all. Now it’s worth over $12 million.”

I admit it. I was jealous. I wanted to be him.

After that I got ahold of Warren Buffett’s letters. Not his Berkshire letters, which were available to the public. But his hedge fund letters, which at the time were private. Maybe they are public now. I have no idea.

I studied each one. Then I wrote a book, “Trade Like Warren Buffett” because when he was running his hedge fund in the 50s and 60s he was a much more active trader than he is now. Much more nimble.

Warren Buffett doesn’t look at P/E ratios. He’s not a value investor in the classic sense. He bets on demographic trends. The most important investing quote he’s ever said is, “If a company will be here in 20 years then it is probably a good investment now.” This is not always true. He said, “probably”.

So what companies will probably be here in 20 years? I have no clue. Nor does he. But I will bet on the companies that are returning cash to shareholders.


Read More: The Ultimate Cheat Sheet for Investing All of Your Money


As Mark Cuban told me the other day, “a company is only worth the money you get back from it.”

(he still lives in this house. I had a cab driver drive me passed it).

(he still lives in this house. I had a cab driver drive me passed it).

So let’s look at the companies Warren Buffett (or his team) added to this quarter, and highlight the ones that are returning money to cash holders. The ones paying dividends.

USB (US. Bancorp) – paying 2.2%. US Bancorp didn’t raise its dividend in 2009 but it raised its dividend for the 37 straight years before that and has raised its dividend since.

XOM (Exxon) – With the US about to become the next Saudi Arabia, I’m always looking for the leader to buy. XOM yields 2.7% and has raised its dividend for 32 years in a row. It’s pretty likely this company will be here 20 years from now.

GSK (Glaxo SmithKline) – People are getting old. Old people need medicine. GSK pays a 4.7% dividend and has raised it at least 10 years in a row.

CBI (Chicago Bridge & Iron) – What an odd name for a company based in the Hague that builds power plants but the reality is: if we need more energy, which we do, we need someone to build the power plants. CBI has a yield of 0.40%.

WMT (Wal-mart) – Buffett added also to his position in Wal-mart, the biggest store in the world. I’m on vacation in South Florida right now. I feel like there’s a Wal-mart every mile. WMT yields 2.5% and has raised their dividend for at least the last ten years straight.

PSX (Phillips 66) – again if you believe, as I do (and Warren Buffett does) that the US is going to be a bigger exporter of oil than Saudi Arabia than the marketing and refining of that oil is key. Buffett added to his PSX position, which has been raising dividends since 2002 and now yields over  2.3%.

IRM (Iron Mountain) – In the past ten years, the US has multiplied by ten the regulatory requirements of corporate America. I’m not saying this is good or bad. I don’t really care. But I do care about making money from it. IRM provides all storage management for companies: paper, digital, etc. And yeilds 3.7%. They’ve raised dividends for at least 10 years in a row and have also been buying back shares.

Ok, that’s the basic idea.

My rule of thumb is to always invest behind people who are smarter than me. Warren Buffett is smarter than me.

One anecdote from the meeting. Someone asked Charlie Munger and Warren Buffett what was going to happen to the US dollar.

Munger, who barely spoke the entire meeting, said, “you better start burying all your valuables in your back y-”

And that’s when Buffett interrupted him with a stern, “Charlie!”

I don’t know what’s going to happen to the US dollar. Or any of these stocks. Or my relationship with my wife. Or my relationships with my kids. One time a doctor told me we all have cancer cells, we just don’t see them all the time.

Ok, all of this is good to know. But I do think Buffett knows more about all of this than I do. And if I filter his knowledge with the basic fact that it’s good for companies to pay me cash every day, and if I filter that with demographic trends, and if I throw in an added filter that these companies have been raising their dividends for years, and on top of that I say, am I diversified, then I know that I will build an ok portfolio.

And if Warren Buffett is picking all the stocks for me for free (he is my unpaid intern after all), then I’m pretty confident that this is a good start.


What is one of the ONLY investment strategies I recommend? Learn here.

 

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Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Ep. 143 – Kevin O’Leary – Get Him to Invest

Everyone I’ve ever dated (before my second marriage) was just practice. Telling my second grade crush I was in love with her and getting laughed at – practice. Posing as a psychic on Craigslist to meet women – practice.

I could have chosen not to do those things. I could have been too embarrassed or said I don’t want to be “that guy.” But then I would have been holding myself back.

Don’t waste time and energy contemplating if you’ll be successful. I get it. You’re afraid. You don’t want to get stuck or let go of a good thing. Recognize, though, that your fear won’t generate wealth and freedom.

So how do you know what’s right financially? My guest today, Kevin O’Leary says, “There’s no guarantee. You have to try things.”

Before becoming a successful entrepreneur, venture capitalist, and millionaire shark, Kevin tried and tested different jobs. He picked up garbage. But that wasn’t for him. He wasn’t invested.

Sometimes the key to success is to say no. Not to invest.

If you aren’t invested, you can keep trying new things. That’s what Kevin did. He tried something else, which he talks about in today’s interview.

He just kept going. The idea is to find something more fulfilling.

And even when you find it, keep an open mind. It might still be a test. Kevin has a three-year rule. If something can’t survive three years, then “take it behind the barn and shoot it,” he says. Dump it. Quit it. Do not invest. “Unless you call it what it is, a hobby, something you like to have fun with and you don’t mind losing money,” he says.

This rule applies to dating, too. If you don’t see a future with someone, why continue? Consider how much you’re spending, or “investing” in dating someone.

And think of it the other way around. Can you survive it for three years? Or three more years? Kevin waited six before marrying Linda. Now they’ve been married for 25 years.

In his new book, Cold Hard Truth On Men, Women, and Money: 50 Common Money Mistakes and How to Fix Them, and in today’s interview, Kevin teaches you how to avoid making bad investments in your life with simple, easy-to-follow tips.

Smart investments require time. You need time to find out who and what you’re compatible with. And those things change. You change. So when you feel stuck or unfulfilled, don’t just cry about it. “There’s no room for tears,” Mr. Wonderful says. Do something.

Listen today to learn the best techniques to test a potential investment. You’ll also hear Kevin’s advice on how to successfully get people invested in you.

Resources and Links:

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Monday, November 16, 2015

10 Steps To Avoid Giving Up

I want to disappear. I want to move into an old apartment building in a place where I would never talk to anyone.

I would order delivery for all three meals a day. I would learn to talk to my neighbors, who spoke every language but English. 

I would learn their games and play them on the sidewalk and we would bet nickels and dimes and laugh and listen to the music coming out of an open car stereo from a car that no longer ran.

Sometimes, when I am feeling stuck and degraded, that’s how I feel. The sweetness of invisibility.

When I’m feeling stuck, I get sick. I want more out of life than what I have. I want a different job. I want to do what I love.

Then I’d get sick again.

That’s how it feels when I’m stuck. In a job. A career (maybe a career I spent ten years training for and 20 years doing). A relationship. An anything.

I wish I had more often told myself: the past is not the jail keeper of my future.

I think, “because I got a degree in X, I have to do Y”. Or because I’m living with A, this is it for life. Or because I wrote about J, then this is my life now.

Or because I failed once at business or art, I can never try again. Or because my parents want me to be a doctor, I have to be a doctor.

Bad.

I spoke with Matt Berry, and he was doing what I thought was a dream job, writing movies, but all he wanted to do was blog about fantasy sports for $100 a blog post.

Eight years later he’s a top anchor for ESPN on fantasy sports.

Or maybe it was Jim Norton, who I grew up with, who was driving tractors and taking menial jobs when all he wanted to do was be a comedian. 20 years later he’s one of the most well-known comedians in the world.

Or Judy Blume, who was stuck with all of these stories in her head, but raising a family in a loveless marriage, not realizing she didn’t need permission to get those stories out into the world. Getting sicker and sicker.

Or maybe it’s you or me, desperately unhappy in a relationship or a job, knowing there is something else out there. That things have to change.

10 Steps: 

These are not 10 steps for you. Like a “10 Steps program”. These are the ten steps I finally learned to do for myself. To stop getting sick. To stop throwing up on dreams. To cure my stomach from daily pain.

A) ADMIT IT. 

I feel restless. I can’t get up. The only thing to do in this step is to notice it.

It’s like a whisper. Not from the “universe” but from your body. It physically won’t let you get out of bed.

It starts to eat at your insides. Your body will destroy you if you don’t reinvent. But you have to notice it first.

I say, “ahh, that’s what this is”.

Most people feel this step at age 30 and never change and get slowly eaten alive.

They look for medicines but the medicines can’t be prescribed. They are so far over the counter you will die looking for them.

B) DISAPPOINTMENT. 

I notice. But I feel things are never going to change. I’m trapped. My parents/friends/lovers/bosses/ will never approve.

Or: I’ll go broke. Or it means I wasted an education. Or money.. Or a mind. Or a love.

I feel, “I’m sad.”

Start listing the things you love. What did you love as a child? What do you love doing now?

It can’t be just me. Try it today. Try it tomorrow. Get better at it. Write the things you loved as a child and the things you love now. Brainstorm the bridges between them.

They are there. They are waiting for you. They were for me.

Brian Koppelman felt he was stuck in the music business. That’s what his family did. That’s what he was trained for. That’s what he was good at.

But the past is not the jail keeper.

He spent three years batting around ideas with his writing partner and high school friend David Levien before they finally wrote the movie “Rounders” and then “Ocean’s 13” and now the upcoming Showtime show “Billions” (watch trailer).

I still look for the clues every day. Every day is Reinvention Day.

C) LEARNING.

If we don’t reinvent, we die.

Go to the bookstore and see what books take your breath away. What conversations do you stick with. What relationships in your life excite you and you wish could deepen.

Read everything. Then find the new peer group you can talk to. Learn everything. Study everything. Watch everything.

People will start to look at you. They will say, “He is a trainwreck.”

They have said to me, “You are going to ruin your life”. Or, “You don’t have any idea what you are doing.”

That’s ok. They are not my jail keepers either. I am the jail keeper. I open up the prison every morning and turn the lights on.

D) FAILURE

I have failed at everything I have ever started. My first two or three attempts at business failed. 17 out of 20 businesses I’ve started have failed.

My first five books were never published.

I’ve been divorced, and that was after a ton of failed relationships.

I failed at making a TV show. Or two. Or three.

I could go on and on but it’s boring.

If you love something, you know what the best in the world actually looks like.

I try to be the best in the world immediately but that’s me being an idiot again. I have to be miserable first and see how hard it is. How high I have to go.

It takes a long time.

So it becomes persistence then, that gets you over that hump.

Persistence + Love = Success.

E) BUT SHOULD YOU CONTINUE? 

You might. Or you might not. I wrote four books in the early 90s. I failed. I stopped. I took a job at HBO instead and gave up.

7 years later I started writing again. But boring finance stuff. Then 8 years after that I started writing more personal things.

Now I write whatever I want. But we’ll see. I’m writing something different now.

Something much more painful. Maybe one day I will be good. But I love trying to get better. I love being a trainwreck.

Don’t be jaded and give up. Don’t blame excuses. Don’t burn bridges.

Maybe you painted as a child. Come back, my honey.

F) YOU’RE BACK

I’m often upset in my relationships and in my writing and in my business stuff.

For me: being upset at myself is the beginning of how I challenge myself. Almost every day I push harder than I need to until it hurts.

Sometimes it hurts too much.

But I know when I am stuck. I know to notice it. I know to find what I love. And I hope I can persist. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can’t.

But I’ll always come back to the things I love.

G) MENTORS

In every area of my life I’ve had great mentors.

How do you get a mentor?

If you want one in person: give them ideas.

Don’t say, “how can I help you?” Because then that just gives them work. Why will they help you if you just gave them a homework assignment.

Tell them how you can make their lives better.

If you want virtual mentors (sometimes the best) read 200 books in your field of interest. Every 50 books is worth one mentor.

What if there aren’t 200 books?

There are. A book about quantum mechanics is a book about painting butterflies. Everything is connected when you filter with what you love.

H) YOU BECOME YOUR OWN VOICE

The Beatles, Pink Floyd, the Rolling Stones, U2, the Wu-Tang Clan, sound like nothing that ever came before them.

They don’t sound 100% different. They took everything from the past, mimicked them for years, and then developed their own unique voice.

Many people (me) give up between mimicking and uniqueness. That’s the Mimicking Trap. Don’t fall for it.

Writing ten ideas a day about what you are interested in is one technique for having your own unique voice.

I) FAILURE AGAIN

Non-stop failure is the secret to success.

I don’t mean failure p*rn (which I often engage in) – crying on the floor in despair.

Calling up the girl ten times and begging her to say “I love you” back. (Wait, did I just think that or did I write it?)

Only by failing, by understanding the failure and documenting it, by throwing it into the checkbox of “things to avoid” and “things that worked” can you succeed.

You WANT to fail as much as possible. And then pick the pieces up quickly and try again.

Even thoughts can fail. It’s important to label them also: “useful” / “not useful” as they happen.

It feels like practice.

It’s the speed of “trying again” that leads to success. Not the despair and anguish and narcissistic anxiety that it may never work again.

So now it’s:

Notice + Persistence + Mentors + Fast Failure + Love = Success

But one more element is most critical.

J) THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE

When I’m stuck, I reach out and there are friends to grab me. When I’m falling, they hold out their hand and pick me up.

This is god. A prayer disappears into the air. A request to a friend, saves you.

They don’t always know what is best for you. But they will comfort you and support you and you will be grateful for them and they for you.

Don’t gossip about them. Don’t try to teach them. Just be grateful for them. I think I owe my life today, even this past week, to my friends.

A reinvention might not be a radical change. You might not go from truck driver to pro basketball player.

You might just go from good person to better person.

From incompetent to competent.

From a good friend to a great friend.

From being a slave to being free.

From letting others choose when you should be happy, to figuring out how to choose yourself for happiness.

Every day all of the above. It’s a practice.

You might one day be an astronaut, and the next, a painter. That’s ok. It’s your sliver of life between two giant infinities. Fill that sliver with cake and gold.


Read More: How To Be The Luckiest Guy On the Planet in 4 Easy Steps. 

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Friday, November 13, 2015

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

What To Do When You’ve Been Shot in the Gut?

I went to a therapist when things were really bad.

I can’t function, I told her.

I can’t read, or write, or phone people. I can’t fake being human anymore.

She said, ok. Ok, You are saying a lot here.

She said, Ok. I understand. But you have to listen to me.

She said, Your brain is trying to tell you that you need to shut down to handle the grief and the anger and the pain.

She said, But if you power through and do the things you need to do: family, kids, writing, work, speaking, whatever you need to do, then you will TEACH your brain that you can’t be outwitted.

Your brain will actually become stronger if you power through.

I said, But what if I’m not at 100% functional. What if I’m only 50%. What if I let people down?

She said, I see many professional athletes.

She said, When an athlete injures his knee, and then recovers and is able to play again, do you think he is at 100%? Do you think he can beat everyone he was able to beat?

She said, No. Of course he isn’t. But he has to go out on the field. He has to play at 50% again so he can get to 70% so he can get to 100% so he can get to 150%.

That’s how professional athletes deal with pain and stress to their system. That separates the players who fail from the players who become the best in the world.

I don’t want to fake it, I said.

Trust me, you aren’t faking it. This is how you make it.

Read More: How To Be The Luckiest Guy On the Planet in 4 Easy Steps. 

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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Ep.142: Judy Blume – Stop Wondering “What is it all for?”

If she told me to jump off a bridge, I just might do it. She was the only friend who would tell me anything and I would do anything for her.

I think I love her.

Growing up, I wanted to know everything—sex, bullying, whether I was normal or not.

I was curious—confused really. Kids were mean and girls were pretty.

Judy Blume was the only one who would answer my questions.

I was asking, “What is it all for?” And she told me. I thought, maybe this is what finding God feels like.

She’s a No. 1 New York Times best-selling author with more than 85 million books sold. Successful? Yes. But it’s more than that.

“I represent childhood,” she says, “I think when somebody represents your childhood, that’s special. I’m lucky people tell me that.”

Her book, “Forever,” taught me about sex. “Blubber” explained bullying. I read Judy Blume’s books because I had questions and she had answers.

So where did she come from?

At age 25, a man took her on a date. He stayed the night and never left.

They got married, had two little babies, but Judy realized she had stories but no other outlets. “I wouldn’t say I had exactly grown up when I started to write, but I was in a grown-up situation.”

Sometimes, as grown ups, we stop taking care of ourselves. We neglect our needs, health, relationships, and friendships. But if you’re open to living a better life, you’ll learn something from Judy Blume.

She used to feel stuck, too. Stuck and lonely. “I understand now how important friendship is in a life, no matter how happy you are with your family,” she says.

Do you feel a void, too? What’s missing here?

Judy realized she needed to take care of herself. “Before I started to write, I was sick all the time. I was always sick. I had one exotic illness after another, but once I started writing I was letting that bad stuff out and it didn’t have to make me sick anymore,” she says.

Writing helped her and it helped us, but we’re still wondering, “What is it all for?”

Uncertainty and darkness. “Would you say that’s the overriding theme of the book,” I asked.

“You’re interesting,” Judy says. “I’m a person who never knows the theme of her book.”

Her new book, “In The Unlikely Event,” is an opportunity for me, for you, for everyone “to be taken out of our own lives, to get insight into other people’s lives, as well as our own lives, and to learn new things.”

Listen now to Judy Blume. No bridge necessary.

Resources and Links:

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Are You There Judy Blume, It’s Me James

Judy Blume taught me how to masturbate. Judy Blume also taught me how to love.

When I was ten I read all of her young adult books (82 million books sold), “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing,” “Blubber,” etc.

Then I memorized the sex scene in “Forever”. Then I memorized ALL the sex scenes in “Wifey.”

She wrote a book, “Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret” where a somewhat lonely girl talks with God to figure out all the changes puberty and childhood brings to all of us.

And then yesterday I SPOKE TO JUDY BLUME (BAM! Massive name drop).

It’s so Blah to say “10 things I learned from..” when it comes to her. I learned how to be a human being.

But when I spoke to her yesterday I was surprised at her humility and the wisdom that kept pouring out. She has a very sweet voice and she laughs a lot.

And I thought, “I still love her.” She’s 77. I’d definitely marry her. I’d have babies with her.

So…three things I learned while talking to her. That I think everyone can benefit from. Artists and entrepreneurs and friends.

The reason why she can sell 82 million books is she knows the most important things in life and just says it.

A) NORMAL WILL KILL YOU

She got married at 19. Had two kids. And was constnatly sick.

“When I was a kid I constantly had all of these stories in my head,” she said, “but then I got trapped on this ‘normal’ path – the marriage, the suburbs, the kids, and I let the stories stop.

“So I started getting sick all the time. These weird illnesses that the doctors couldn’t figure out.

“I started writing. The stories just started to flow. All of my books. And I didn’t get sick again.”

Norhing wrong with suburbs and kids.

But every day, I feel she is telling me, you have to unlock your creativity.

If you don’t let it flow, it will be trapped inside, it will mutate, it will kill you.

Every day create.

B) FRIENDSHIP

People discover their lives through the words of their friends. Everyone needs someone to turn to. To touch in some way.

We learn about our bodies, about morality, about better ways to live life, not from the supernatural but from the natural – from our friends.

In her books, as young kids figure out their insecurities, their sexuality, their fears of change, they turn to their friends.

“The most important thing in life,” she told me, “more important than anything else by far, is friendship.”

It was almost like she was telling me my own story right now.

I’m so grateful for the friendships I have right this second. Without them, I’m afraid I would be dead.

Every day I try to build those up and improve them. To water them and nourish them and love them. It’s a matter of life and death.

Today I’m going to do something to got the people who love me and who I love.

And tomorrow. And the next day.

C) BE THE ONE PEOPLE TURN TO

She didn’t know what her novels would be about. What their themes would be.

“I just wrote”. But when she was done, she was the one that 80 million kids turned to.

It’s not because she solved my problems. Or my friends’ problems. Or anything.

It’s because she showed how she solved her confusions. She gave us permission to be afraid.

To be confused. To want to understand our bodies and our relationships and our friends and loves and what was right and wrong and beautiful and fun in it all.

People often say a lie: “solve other people’s problems and you will be successful.”

This is never true. Never. Show us how you solved your problems. Even if you never solved them you still show how you tried. You can give us permission to be confused just like you were.

How do you show us? Write something. Create something. Build something. Talk to people. It doesn’t matter.

Don’t stand on a pedestal.

Be under the sheets with me, where I have a flashlight and I’m reading what you have to say long after I should’ve gone to sleep.

Don’t lecture me. Show me.

Don’t give me rules. Give me permission.

Don’t be aloof and far away. Be my friend.

Judy Blume was there for me when I was a kid. And she was there for me yesterday in ways she probably doesn’t even realize.

After 40 years of reading you, I don’t think this tiny “thank you” is enough. Now that I’ve talked to you I feel like I can just drop the mic. BOOM!

Thank you.


Listen to my interview with Judy Blume here.

 

 

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Monday, November 9, 2015

Ep. 141: Amy Koppelman – Write Something That Doesn’t Suck

This is for you writers.

Write something that doesn’t suck.

It’s a simple goal. A low stakes goal. You have nothing to lose.

Amy Koppelman had nothing to lose, so she sat down and wrote her first book, “I Smile Back.”

The book was rejected at least 80 times. Publishers told her that it resembled the truth too much. One publisher even said, “This is the reason we got into publishing…but I can’t sell this.”

But now, Sarah Silverman is starring in the movie. She’s going to play the main character, Laney. 

You read this book and you get scared for Laney. You feel sorry for her.

But sometimes you have to feel sorry for someone else to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Good fiction can do that. It can help you escape.

They will tell you that you can’t run away from yourself. But they lie all the time.

In today’s interview, Amy reveals how you can write great fiction.

She tells me that the best kind of writing understands you somehow without even knowing you.

It helps you understand yourself better. “All of us, whether we’re writers, carpenters or teachers, we just want to be heard and understood,” Amy says.

Whatever you’re doing now, you don’t know what it’s doing for your future. That’s why I recommend a daily practice.

Amy didn’t have a daily practice. She used to sit and wonder if she could ever make coffee again.

Depression made instant coffee look impossible. Everything loomed over her. But one day she made coffee. And over the course of many small victories, she survived.

Listen to Amy Koppelman to learn how to write to survive.

I mean it, listen to Amy, she is the master of fiction that bleeds.

Resources and Links:

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Are You Taking Care of Your Path Today?

I owe the Mercer Hotel $70,000.

I was separated, depressed, afraid to leave my room so I always ordered room service. I stayed six months.

It was a long time ago. But maybe that doesn’t forgive things. Will this be an evil spell I cast on myself?

When you’re depressed its hard to dig your way out of the insanity. Staying in that room for days or weeks at a time was part of my insanity.

During that time, the money ran out of that account and the card used to pay for the room (upon checkout!) was cancelled.

One day I got up and left the room. I left behind two garbage bags filled with clothes. I walked back to my home. My wife at the time and I had another baby. Who I love very much.

A few months after that, the Mercer called me and said I owed them money. I said I would be happy to pay. “Send me an itemized bill.” I never heard from them again.

This morning I ate there. Eggs, coffee. $15 plus tip. Ok. Expensive. But I paid.

Every day we walk on a path. We have to see clearly in front of us. And we have to see clearly behind us.

You never know when you have to back up and take a new route.

So we have to keep the path clean. Bring a broom. Bring a machete to clear out the brush in front. Stay refreshed for the strength you need.

We may get tired, and have to wait while a storm passes. You can’t fight the storm. You can’t run faster than it. It will beat you and kill you.

You have to give yourself permission for chaos if you fall off the path. But when the storm is there you can only do one thing.

Wait.


One time I worked a job I hated and walked home to a girlfriend I lived with but was unhappy with.

My only solution was to find a job in a new town. But I was afraid nobody would like me.

I was afraid I would miss my friends. I was afraid my routine would get upset.

I knew my path would change. I was at a fork in the road.

Hmmm, which direction can I throw my heart into. It was too unclear, either direction.

My boss would yell at me during the day. My girlfriend would yell at me at night. I was writing novels but couldn’t get any published.

I knew I was at a fork but I didn’t know which way to go. That’s ok. It’s ok to not know sometimes. The key is know when to wait.

So I waited.


People say, “What would do if you could start all over again?”

Answer: nothing different.

Without waiting, I would never have learned the techniques to determine which way my heart was pointing.

You can’t wait forever but while you are, you can learn to listen to your heart.

Without being patient in a storm, I would never learn how to protect myself and I would never learn to recognize the signs of new storms approaching or leaving.

Without keeping the path clean every step of the way, I would never have learned that the only way to truly do that is to every day focus on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual (gratitude) health.

Those things are all one thing.

If you don’t have good friends, you can’t come up with good ideas. Good ideas make your brain into magic. Then you can be grateful. Then you can be healthy. And vice versa.

The path goes forwards and backwards. You never know each day which direction you need to take that day.

Two years later, I got an amazing job and I moved and my life changed forever.


One time I made a mistake. A girl I was dating got pregnant. I wanted her to have the baby. She didn’t.

So decisions were made. Okay.

That was a potential baby that had his or her own path.

That was a storm I didn’t see coming. Do I regret it? I don’t know. How can we make decisions in such a complicated world? A world built through millions of generations of evolution.

We are only a pitstop on evolution. Evolution doesn’t care.

Some things survive to the next generation. Some don’t.

It’s not babies that die. It’s decisions that grew in a poor harvest. The harvest and all the paths through it, depend on whether I keep them clean.

It’s not about a baby. Or about a future that never happened. Or a bill that never got paid. Or a storm that needs to pass or else all is lost.

It’s about me, today, doing everything I can to best serve this moment so I can be better the next moment.

And Mercer Hotel, I will still pay if you send me that itemized bill.


Read More: How To Be The Luckiest Guy On the Planet in 4 Easy Steps. 

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Thursday, November 5, 2015

What Do You Do On The Worst Day Of Your Life and The Best Day?

I’m scared I didn’t spend enough time with my daughters when they were growing up. And now they are little women. Am I too late?

My 16 year old, Josie, came into town. I was giving a lecture to 300 college students. She wanted to watch.

We walked around campus talking about everything and nothing. Just that was like smoking crack for me.

Then we sat in the class while it filled up with kids. We blended in and nobody knew I was the guest speaker for the day.

Someone behind us said, “Who is this guy? James Altucher? Who the F is that?”

Josie was smiling when she heard that.

Then I got a text. It was some horrible news.

Josie looked over and saw it. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “I’m really sorry, Daddy”.

She had never done that.

I felt like I was going to cry not from the text but by seeing a new version of her that I had never seen before.

Ten seconds after getting the text, the professor started introducing me to the room by describing my background.

In my head I was exploding. Like, why did I get this text ten seconds before giving a 1.5 hour talk before a bunch of kids who might hate me?

For a moment, I felt dead inside. What can I do?

I followed my own advice. I’ve written before about what I call “The Daily Practice” but I made it the “One Second Practice”.

I checked the boxes:

PHYSICALLY: Josie and I had walked for hours and ate a healthy breakfast and I had slept well the night before.

EMOTIONALLY: I was scheduled to spend the entire day bonding with my daughter. My daughters are the most important people in my life.

MENTALLY: I re-remembered my 10 ideas for the talk. Josie had asked me earlier, “Are you ready for your talk?” and I had said, “No”.

But I had, at least, knew that what ever tangent I went off on, I had my ten points I could staple the talk back to.

This is my new speaking style and it works and I love it.

SPIRITUALLY: I was grateful I was with my daughter. I was grateful David Lefer had thought enough of me to ask me to speak to his class. I was grateful I had scheduled in advance a fun afternoon for Josie after the class.

And then I went up to give a 1.5 hour talk about anything I wanted.

Josie said to me right afterwards, “Everyone was laughing the whole time.”

After the talk, a girl, Lilith, came up to me and asked me if she could arm wrestle me.

Nobody had ever asked me that before so I figured, “Ok.”

We got a little table and a crowd of students gathered around. Josie was there. Someone videotaped it.

Lilith and I went back and forth for about three minutes (it felt like two hours) and then she crushed me. My arm hurt for about an hour afterwards.

One of the students watching said to me, “Your idea machine really works. I’ve been doing it and..” He named three amazing things that had changed in his life in “just the past three months”.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You did that all on your own,” I said but I admit it was false modesty and I was happy he was thanking me in front of my daughter.

Afterwards Josie showed me four pages of notes she took during my talk.

“I didn’t know all these things about you,” she said.

Then I took her to NYU’s drama department and showed her around and met with an admissions officer. I saw that she was nervous.

But learning to deal with nervous is a good thing.

I don’t want her to go to college but if I just say that to her that won’t be helpful.

I want her to see every option and then hopefully teach her how to think about it.

Teaching how to think is better than lecturing what to do.

Then we went to eat. I asked her what the highlight of the day was for her.

She said, “After you went up to speak the guys behind us said, “Oh S**t, that was HIM!” But then they laughed for your whole talk.”

She said, “I loved learning more about you. Things I had no idea about.”

Many things happened that day but the best was seeing this baby I knew 16 years ago blossom into a young lady.

And the second best was applying my own practice to make my life better when I desperately needed it. It worked!

I had arranged for a car to pick her up and take her home. We hugged. “I’m sorry again, Daddy,” she said, and, “I love you.”

I love you too, honey.

And that’s why I’m the luckiest guy alive.

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Wednesday, November 4, 2015

The More You Judge, The More You Sentence Yourself To Prison… And Other Fun Tales

I spent the ages of 7 until 16 in some form of Juvie or foster care, she was telling me.

We were standing in front of a fire. There was meat or something in the fire. It smelled bad. It was on the west side of NYC.

I was raped every day, she said. I forgot if I was a boy or a girl.

I’m about halfway through my operation but I have to do this hustling to raise the money for the rest.

I can’t go outside during the day, she said. People look at me. They know I’m not normal.

I was a good boy, she said. But I needed someone to take care of me.

It’s hard, she said. Living a life out here. Some people make you do things you don’t want to do. But I’m immune now. I just wish we were treated better.

A car drove by. Yoo-hoo! she said. She waved. The car slowed. She walked over and the window rolled down. Her white pants were wrapped tight around her.

Later that night I was at the Empire Diner on 11th Avenue.

I went to the back where I usually went. There was a couple there.

We’re in love, said the girl.

I love her, said the guy. It’s like something I never felt before.

I ordered a vanilla milkshake, fries, and bacon.

We just met at the club, he said. I knew as soon as I saw her that I loved her so I left behind my friends.

I offered him some fries and he took. She watched but didn’t want any. His arm was around her.

They probably still looking for me, you know? he said and laughed.

I love you too but I can’t take you home tonight. My kids, she said. I’m so in love with you, she said.

We just met, he said. I’m married also. My wife doesn’t know yet. Maybe I tell her.

You’re married? she said.

They they started making out. They started to slide under the table.

I went home. The night was over. Almost. A tiny piece of it was still peaking out up high, above the gray and shadowy beginnings of a new day.

People in suits starting to climb out of a hole. More and more of them. A swarm. The subway.

I stood in the lobby of where I lived. It was a cheap hotel.

A woman came in. She said, I live on the top floor. In the biggest room.

She was dressed all in leather. And a leather hat. She was carrying a sword. My name is Venus, she said.

What do I do? She paused. Why? She said. I’m a party planner, she said.

She went into the elevator. It started to shut. I’m in room 1020, she said. You should stop by some time.

I care about myself more than I care about my children. I can’t help it.

I know if I take care of myself, then they will do ok. Because then I will have the strength and groundedness to be there for them.

How do I take care of myself? I sleep. I clean. I’m grateful. I’m curious. I try to not let things bother me but it’s difficult. The thoughts are always Bzzz-ing.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

My children love themselves more than they love me.

They also take care of themselves first. What does that mean? You know what it means.

Then what’s second? To have good friends. Because then you want to take care of them and they want what’s best for you.

If you have bad friends, they will always bring you down. Then you can’t take care of who you love the most, yourself.

It’s such a simple formula. Good friends are better than prayers. Good friends are better than ‘mad attention’ (meditation).

Who can you write to today. Who is your good friend today?

What’s after that?

Paying attention. Not what’s in the future. Or what happened in the past. I try to pay attention to right now.

It’s an adventure. You talk to people. You wander the Earth. What new thing can I discover about myself, the person I love the most, today.

Is this advice? I don’t know. All my life I like to connect with people who are different from me. It helps me shed judgments. It helps me love myself more.

To judge someone … only sentences you to solitary confinement.

I want to survive and live and love and thrive. So this is what I do.

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Life-Hacks, 10 Life-Habits, 10 Meta-Habits

Imagine a piece of meat. Put some bones underneath it, cover the bones with muscles and nerves and skin.

Put on two pairs of eyes and a mouth (but not too big a mouth, those are annoying). Take a huge needle and inject life into it.

It’s going to hurt at first. But that’s what needles are for.

This is what our robot masters did when they began what they call “The Great Experiment” and created us.

“What if they find out,” they said to each other.

“Don’t worry,” said the chief scientist who then laughed to himself.

“They are so deluded, that each one of them thinks they are important and have a purpose in life.

“They are just a bunch of skin jobs”.

Much later, one of the robot masters, Ridley Scott, used that same phrase in the movie “Bladerunner”.

PICTURE ONE

Then they give us the ability to make other little “tubbies”. I like calling little things “tubbies”.

When I first had a new little tubby around I thought she was very annoying.

She was like a new roommate that would cry and not speak English and want food all the time and vomit on me.

If she really were a roommate, I would have asked her to not even worry about next month’s rent. “You just threw up on me and tried to suck my wife’s breasts. Please get the hell out of here.”

But that’s wishful thinking. She can’t even understand English.

Kids are not life hacks. They are life attacks. But we can’t avoid them. I don’t know why. They happen.

PICTURE TWO

As soon as we hit the ground, we want tricks. We want money and sex as quickly as possible. And maybe fame.

There are “life-hacks” – things that you can do today to improve your life tomorrow. These work for awhile but then you get tired of them.

Then there are “habits” – things you can start today that will improve your life 10 years from now.

Habits are difficult though. Because if you are only improving a tiny bit each day you won’t notice them. You’ll think nothing is happening. So you’ll stop.

I hate habits. It’s so hard to remember to do them.

So you need “meta-habits” to keep reminding yourself to do the habits.

Advice is autobiography. And even though I mostly fail in life, here are 10 life-hacks I try. 10 habits. 10 meta-habits.

I’ve written about some of these before. Who can resist writing about life-hacks involving $2 bills. But I will be more concise and not always explain the reasoning. Just trust me that they work.

If you’ve seen these before, please skip. I don’t want to bore you. If you haven’t seen them before, you can figure out why these life-hacks work. Put them in the comments and I’ll respond.

LIFEHACKS

1. Carry $2 bills with you everywhere. Tip with them. Nobody forgets a person who tips with $2 bills. You can order $2 bills at your bank.

PICTURE 3

2. Wear a lab coat in airports. People will let you go past them in line.

3. Carry waiter’s pads with you. Use them to take notes in meetings. Use them to write down your ten ideas a day. Use them as business cards.

People will think you are frugal and clever.

And it’s always a good conversation-starter. People will say, “I’ll take fries with that burger” and I’ll leave it up to you to come up with a witty response.

4. Mirror people.

I was talking to Nick Morgan, author of “Power Cues”. When he was younger he had an accident which changed his brain. He could no longer tell how people were reacting to him.

So he made a lifelong study of body actions and what they mean.

For instance, he told me. “If you want people to like you, then very subtly mirror all of their moves. If they cross their legs, cross your legs a few seconds later. If they wipe their forehead, wipe your forehead.”

“Won’t they notice?” I asked.

“No,” he said, “People are too focused on themselves to consciously notice what you are doing. That’s why you have an edge.”

“Then,” he said, “after 15 minutes, reverse it.

“You wipe your forehead first. See if they then wipe theirs. You start leading the actions. If they start following you it means they like you and will start to follow your suggestions.”

I haven’t tried this yet. If you try it, please tell me if it works. Nick Morgan gave me a few more suggestions on my podcast the other day.

5. Oh, one more from Nick.

“Figure out the bottom end of your vocal range and the top end. Speak about 1/4 above your bottom end. If you do this in a meeting, you will dominate the meeting.”

Ok, I’ve tried that a bit with Claudia. Not sure it works with a wife. “Do the laundry,” she said. But maybe she was using her bottom range when she said it also. Duel of the bottom ranges.

6. Memory Hack.

To remember things, you need more than one emotional hook.

I’ve spoken to memory champs Jim Kwik and Josh Foer. They both told me this.

For instance, if you can’t remember “James Altucher” also think “James I’ll Touch Her” and picture me touching a beautiful woman (go ahead, imagine that).

Now you have two hooks into my name. The more hooks you have, the more parts of your brain are at work. The easier it is to remember lots of things, like a room full of names.

Or “Claudia Azula” (my wife), I think of a blue monster (“azul” is blue in Spanish) clawing at me.

PICTURE FOUR

7. “There’s always a good reason and a real reason”.

This always works. If I ask an employee, “why’d you do it this way?” they’ll give a complicated, but good answer. Like, “I felt these paints looked good with that blue.”

But the real reason might be “I was too lazy to get new paints.”

For everything everyone says, including me, there’s a good reason (which is hard to argue with) and a real reason. Always look for the real reason.

8. 80/20 rule cubed.

Everyone knows that 20% of your employees (or 20% of your efforts, or 20% of the seeds planted), produce 80% of the value (or 80% of your profits, or 80% of the flowers that blood).

But let’s square it. So you apply the 80/20 rule on top of the 80/20 rule. And let’s square that.

So now 1% of your prior efforts produce almost 50% of the value.

I tried this in my life. I used to make a lot of phone calls each day to find out how different businesses I was invested in were doing.

Now I make 0 phone calls. Result: nothing really changed.

Occasionally someone would call me and ask for advice (the 1%) and value would result (the 50%) but it gave me back a huge chunk of my life.

HUGE. And I’m much happier. And pretty much I get the same results. Nobody really wanted to talk to me anyway.

9. No News.

PICTURE FIVE

This is really a subset of the 1/50 rule above.

I used to get my news from newspapers. I’d read 3-4 newspapers a day and then read online.

That would take about two hours of life each day.

Now I scan down what’s trending on twitter. Takes me about two seconds.

People always say, “no news is good news”.

Now….I always have no news. So it’s always good news.

Some people have gotten angry at me over this. Like, “how can you change the world if you are so uninformed.”

To them I say, “Blah!”

And it doesn’t matter.

I’d rather read a book then read about 9 children being killed in Kazakhstan. That’s depressing!

It’s not like I’m going to go to Kazakstan and save anyone’s life. But if I’m a good person, then perhaps other people will follow my example. And so on.

Until it reaches Kazakhstan.

That’s the most effective way to consistently change the world.

10. Never say “Hello”.

Ask a question instead. Even if it’s the first time you are meeting someone.

Like, “Why did you get divorced?”

Or “Do you think you can beat me in a fight”?

What does “Hello” mean anyway?

11. One more life-hack. (“Over promise and over-deliver”)

How to cut the 10,000 hour rule by 90%.

K. Anders Ericsson and Malcom Gladwell have popularized the idea that it takes 10,000 hours of practice with INTENT to be the best in the world at something.

Intent means, measure your success, give yourself feedback, and try to better your results at every attempt.

If you just play cards for 10,000 hours, you won’t get better. but if you study with a teacher, read books, figure out how to measure your success, and analyze your failures, that’s “practice with intent”.

10,000 hours is roughly 10-20 years of hard work.

It would be nice to cut it down.

Here are my two ideas on this, which I’ve applied in my life.

First off, you don’t need to be the best in the world to be better than everyone around you.

The learning curve is steep but the final 10-20% is very flat.

That’s why it takes young tennis players a few years to get in the top 200 or the top 1000 but then it takes them another 10 years of hard work to be in the to 10. In the ENTIRE WORLD.

So if you take 1000 hours. You’ll be better than just about everyone you can possibly imagine encountering.

For instance, take Scrabble. It might take you 1000 hours to remember all the 3 letter words, all the 4 letter words with Js and Qs.

All the 6 letter “Stems” (a stem is six letters that, if almost any other letter is added, you have a legal 7 letter word, e.g. S A T I N E. Add “X” to that and you have “Antisex”. Add “E” to that and you have “Etesian” and so on. There are about 20 useful stems).

It will take you about 1000 hours to do that plus learn basic strategy and then you will be among the best in the world. But not THE best.

I used to tape word lists to my kid’s stroller when she was born. At night she couldn’t sleep unless I was running full speed with the stroller. But that’s ok, I was memorizing stems.

But now let’s cut the 1000 hours even more. If you combine two areas of interest then you don’t even need 1000 hours.

Let’s say I’m interested in computer programming and the stock market.

I can learn basic programming. I can learn the basics of the stock market. And then I can program patterns in the stock market (“What happens if the market falls 5 days in a row”) and if I program a few hundred patterns I can see if any results happen that are statistically significant.

This won’t make one a great trader. But it’s a start. If you intersect two areas, it will be much faster to be in the top 1% of the two areas because other people will also have to pick those exact two areas.

Maybe then you need only 500 hours of practice with intent instead of 10,000 hours. Damn, I’m going to have K. Anders Ericsson on my podcast to see if I’m right.

HABITS

12. Sleep 8-9 hours a day.

This one is so obvious it’s ridiculous. At night you are tired so your brain feels you’re druggy and your movements are slow and sluggish.

When you sleep, BAM! Your brain is re-energized and you have new energy that can last you an entire day.

There is a ton of research on this. For instance, the average professional violinist sleeps 8.6 hours a day.

I’ve worked with people who tell me they only need three hours a day. Then they also tell me they are bipolar.

If you are too busy to sleep 8 hours a day then find micro-habits you can stop so you can sleep more Else you will die earlier.

Like…don’t watch TV at night. Get blackout drapes. No screen time after 7pm. Don’t eat too late. Whatever you can do. You have to sleep 8-9 hours a day.

13. You’re the average of the 5 people you spend your time with.

If you want to be funny, spend time with funny people. If you want to be a criminal, spend time with other criminals. If you want to be stabbed in the back at work, spend time with people who gossip a lot.

PICTURE SIX
(I hope you are not the average of these five people)

14. Don’t Eat Sugar.

15. Move.

16. Small Celebrations

If you only wait for something big to happen (“I made a MILLION dollars!”) you’re going to be waiting for long periods of time before you can celebrate.

Find more things to celebrate. Celebration is fun. And there’s some brain research that blah blah blah when you celebrate.

Today I will celebrate that Claudia and I had an argument over the weekend but we made up.

17. Write 10 Ideas a Day

Again, advice is autobiography.

Doing this habit has changed my life every six months.

For instance, in the past six months, I finished a book. I started a new podcast (both are coming out September 1),

I started a high-level advisory service for people interested in the economy (coming out September 15), I gave a talk in London I never expected to give and I met many new friends.

18. Be grateful.
Blah. This is a boring one but it actually works very well.

The other day I was very upset about something. Claudia and I were in an argument.

It’s hard to be married for long periods of time without being in an argument. Maybe Jesus can do it. But I can’t.

And when I’m in an argument with Claudia, it’s the worst thing in the world. I feel all closed up. Like I can’t breathe.

So it was hard to feel grateful but I still tried. Maybe that helped get me out of my cave. Bit by bit I found myself more grateful for things. And then I was able to crawl out of my cave.

19. Hygiene

I was talking to Tucker Max and Dr. Geoff Miller, THE smartest evolutionary psychologist on the planet.

They said that many people (“mostly men”) fail because they don’t clean themselves.

Tucker said to me, “James, just go to a hair salon, throw down 200 bucks, and tell them to make you look good.” (I’m fine with how I look actually).

I don’t think I’ll do that. But showering, brushing teeth a few times a day, changing clothes, cutting finger nails, washing face…all of this seems obvious.

But sometimes I spend days in a house by myself and forget to do these things. I know that sounds gross. But it feels good when I focus on hygiene.

20. Treat Everyone Like You Are Their Mother.

A friend of mine says that when she is around the Dalai Lama “it feels like he is treating everyone like he is their mother”.

So this seems like a good habit to have.

When I think of someone I randomly meet and I change my mindset to pretend like I am their mother, I become more concerned for their happiness, their comfort, their careers, their ability to find people they love.

I judge less. I treat them with honesty and I am more open to them. This one thing has changed my life.

When I’m walking in the street, though, I have to be careful not to smile at too many young boys.

21. Honesty

Not radical honesty, which is bullshit. Just because you want to have sex with your girlfriend’s sister doesn’t mean you have to broadcast it everywhere.

Just: if you say something, then it’s either true to you, or you live up to what you say.

This maybe is the most important habit.

Honesty defines your character. And character defines your future.

People want to deal with honest people more than they want to deal with smart people.

So honest people get more opportunities for money and sex and fun things.

What can be better?

META-HABITS

I forget what number I’m on and I don’t feel like scrolling up. I don’t have a mouse and I hate using the mousepad.

I’m going to make up a number.

22. Oh, why do we need meta-habits? Because habits are hard. So you need habits to get habits. I call them meta-habits.

23. By the way, I made #25 an entire meta-habit because simply being aware that meta-habits are important is a meta-habit.

1% a day.

The problem with this meta-habit is that it’s not noticeable. If I want to get 1% a day better at baseball it’s almost impossible to notice.

Nothing might change from day to day, as far as I can tell.

So you have to be gentle on ourself. And just have the mindset that the goal is improvement, not a number. Just 1% a day improvement.

You can also choose to decrease 1% a day. That’s what most people do.

Ahh, I can’t write today, so I’m going to read the news and eat junk food. One day won’t matter.

Oh, but it does. It does!

24. Kindness. Do it and reward it. Punish non-kindness.

If you are kind, people will want to be around you. If you reward it (by smiling, or saying something nice) then people will want to be kind to you.

If someone is not kind to me, then I back off. No matter who they are. I don’t even let family be not-kind to me.

Once we die, they are not my family anymore.

This is how you get the “five” that will help you “be the average of the five people around you”.

25. Net-net

Everyone wants to go on a strict diet. “I will NEVER eat carbs!” Or whatever your favorite macro-nutrient is to hate.

Always remember that whatever macro-nutrient you avoid, there’s an entire society made up of octogenarians who have been eating that food group all of their lives and they are completely healthy.

So whatever you do, whatever you eat, whoever you hang out with: if net-net, there’s more good than bad, then that’s a good start.

And, as you do that, you’ll find your net-net weighs more and more on the side of what is good for you.

For instance, if I have a plate of fruits, vegetables, and a cookie or two – net-net that is pretty good for me even if the cookies are not so good. Mmmm, I love cookies.

The key is, if it’s good in general not to judge people, then it’s probably good to not judge yourself too harshly either

26. Failure = Experiment.

People think “failure is good”. Sometimes I even say that.

Failure is not good. Failure is the worst. Failure is the mother and father of more failure.

Thomas Edison did not fail 10,000 times to make one lightbulb.

He did 10,000 experiments.

Everything we do today is an experiment. Sometimes it’s disappointing if an experiment doesn’t work out.

But that’s ok, we experiment again.

You can use this meta-habit when you build a business.

Don’t build a business and see if it works. Try this idea first: put up ads on Facebook or Craigslist or wherever for your product or serve. Use a small budget. See if people click.

If a lot of people click then you might have a good business idea. If nobody clicks, then move on to the next idea before you build anything.

That’s a good way to experiment instead of building a whole idea and then watching it go down in flames.

By the way, my spellchecking thing spelled “idea” as “ride” at first.
That works also.

We’re all on a ride. Sometimes we pass each other on intersections and we wave hi. Waving “hi” is fun.

Then we move on. Life has many crossroads. And we all get to choose which path we can choose at the crossroads.

Nobody else should choose it for us.
That’s the most important habit, life hack, metahabit of all.

Otherwise we’ll crash.

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Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Ep.140: Cheryl Strayed – My Go To Author

I read every day. No days off.

Fiction, non-fiction, poetry…it doesn’t matter (I even have a Premium Virtual Mentor Club where I review books every month), but there are only a few books I turn to over and over again.

Many of you know that I do a Twitter Q&A every Thursday. But what you probably didn’t know is that before I jump online for an hour, I  re-read one book…

I turn to one character for inspiration…

Sugar.

Sugar is the fictional character in my go-to author, Cheryl Strayed’s book, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar.

Cheryl Strayed has had a rough life: sexual abuse, divorce, past drug abuse, and her mother’s death. All this pushed her to do something radical with her life.

She decided to take a hike. Not your everyday hike; she would hike more than a thousand miles of the Pacific Coast Trail from the Mojave Desert through California, Oregon, and Washington – and she did it alone.

The hike finally healed her, and she turned it into her NY Times bestselling memoir, Wild. The book was then turned into a movie starring Reese Witherspoon.

Oprah loved the book so much she restarted her book club just to highlight it.

Cheryl’s new book Brave Enough was just released in October.

The book is a collection of quotes. I asked her why.

As Cheryl says in the introduction of her book…

“I’ve always been a quote collector… From the comic to the profound, the simple to the complex, the sorrowful to the ecstatic, the inspiring to the stern, whenever I need consolation or encouragement, a clear-eyed perspective or a swift kick in the pants – which is often – quotes are what I turn to. They’ve been tacked to the walls of every home I’ve made. I’ve written them down in my journals and kept them on files in my computer. I’ve scribbled them on the back of ripped-open envelopes and drawn them across stretches of sand.”

I am glad we met. Glad I got to interview her.

Unfortunately I won’t be able to steal from her so easily going forward.

Resources and Links:

Thanks so much for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode of The James Altucher Show, please leave a review or a rating on ITunes. I read every review and it helps to make the podcast better.

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I Wish I Had A Brother Because…

I wish I had a brother who I looked up to.

I wish my brother and I went to different schools and slowly grew apart over the years and that made us sad.

I wish we made a pact to send each other a YouTube video about our lives every week so we can re-learn about each other.

I wish then that millions of people would start following those videos.

Then I wish my brother would write the books “The Fault in Our Stars” and “Paper Towns” (oh, and turn them into movies) because I like those books.

Then I wish I could change the shape of online education with yet more YouTube channels that I set up called “Crash Course”.

Of course, if all my wishes came true, I’d be the insanely creative Hank Green and my brother would be John Green.

I lived vicariously through Hank when I interviewed him for my podcast.

But what was really great was my daughter Mollie listening. She actually didn’t believe that I ever spoke to anyone she could relate to and now here was HANK GREEN.

(Uhhh. Mollie….Coolio?)

And once more, if I were Hank Green, I’d say some of these great quotes attached to this article.

In fact, because I steal, I am going to say one of his quotes out loud right now and whenever I want and never give him credit for it after this moment.

“We are all differently broken, semi-functional, love machines”.

Yes please.

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