Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Ep. 182: Caleb Carr – The Curse of Knowledge

By the time you finish reading this, everything I’m about to tell you will already be over.

What you choose to do with it is up to you.

Caleb Carr was beaten as a child. His father, Lucien Carr, was an Ivy League boy, friends with Jack Kerouac, William S. Burroughs and Allen Ginsberg.

They were the rebels of society. Known as The Beat Generation. But Caleb reminded me of their other legacy…

“My father gets arrested for murder. Jack gets arrested for accessory because he helped hide the weapon…”

“And then Burroughs, of course, shoots his wife down in Mexico.”

“My father’s murder case gave their movement a type of darkness and gravitas it wouldn’t have otherwise had.”


“All of these cycles, all of these abusive things are cyclical,” Caleb said.

His father didn’t get the help he needed. He didn’t get the help he needed. “It’s one of the reasons I never had children myself.”

I didn’t understand at first.

Caleb has the awareness. He understands the cycle. So I asked, “Don’t you think if you had children, you would have been able to hold yourself back?”

“I simply could not trust that,” he said.


As adults, we look at our lives and question what happened and why? We pick at our scabs and then wonder why we’re bleeding.

What’s done is done. And how you choose to live with it is your legacy.

So Caleb writes. And between the intersection of abuse and history, he found relief.

Caleb’s latest book, “Survivor, New York” begins with “The Curse of Knowledge,” It’s the idea that once you know something you can’t unknow it… pain, loss, grief.

No pain heals without air. Eventually, the bandaid gets soggy. And the cut below turns green.

That’s when I start reading. Caleb’s books are the air.

Keep reading to learn three lessons from the brilliant, historical novelist, Caleb Carr. Two will give you relief. One will not…


1. History can save you.

A lot of people write thrillers. But Caleb wasn’t sure how he’d set himself apart. But he found a simple solution.

Training + Interest = Success

Caleb is a trained historian. He has an interest in serial killer novels. And now he’s a bestselling author. He writes historical thrillers where characters like Theodore Roosevelt and Alexander Hamilton rescue neglected children from serial killers.

2. Pain reinvented is freedom.

Caleb needed to write… (as all writers do).

But he didn’t want to write a memoir like his father’s pack. He tried it once. “I found the experience incredibly creepy.”

So he found fiction.

Caleb said he’s not depressed but feels “intense melancholia.”  “It’s a dark, dark place you go.”

“Are you able to function with it?” I asked.

“Oh yeah,” he said, “that’s when I work.”

3. Always end on a cliffhanger

Every unresolved problem in my life is a cliffhanger.Cliffhangers keep the story going. They create chaos. So I just stay curious.

Caleb told me the warning signs of a serial killer: childhood violence, torture against animals, fires.

“I loved starting fires,” he said. “I set my house on fire when I was four years old. It was the only time my father didn’t hit me.”

I later asked if he has sociopathic tendencies… “functional sociopathic tendencies.”

“Ummmm…”

He was thinking about it.


 

Links and Resources:

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The Most Important Thing Willy Wonka Ever Said

Willy Wonka was a sad god who disappeared from the world. He only wanted to make magic with chocolate.

But then he wanted to give the world one more chance. To find an heir. To find a human to love.

The last scene of the movie: Gene Wilder and the winner of his contest, Charlie, take the glass elevator up into the sky to survey the world. Not just the factory but the entire world.

Charlie is still confused. Still left with the lingering anxiety he grew up with, the stresses he was programmed to live with every day. The same ones I feel I wake up with every day.

Willy Wonka has to banish that fear so Charlie could assume his place at the top of the world, as the heir to the miraculous domain Willy Wonka had created.

It is this scene that finally brought me to tears in the movie. That I have repeatedly watched on YouTube in the past years many times. Because it’s true and I have to remember it.

Because when I forget it, I fall to the ground.


Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.


This is my favorite line in any movie ever. Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka delivers the line as if it were truly possible to get everything you ever wanted.

And it is.

We get bogged down by everything else. By our fears of loneliness, by our fears of poverty, or “who should be President?” or “why did he say / she say?”

It’s not easy to look for the magic in everything. In fact, it sounds like a cliche. Because there is no such thing as magic.

But we can pretend.

The way to get magic is to keep expectations so low that almost everything you do and see exceeds them.

To always remember that happiness is reality divided by expectations. I can’t often change my reality, but I can easily, this second, lower my expectations to almost nothing.

And then the magic begins.

The other day Good Day, New York called me and asked me if I wanted to come onto their morning show.

I said ,”Yes”.

Then the producer there, Steve Cohen, wrote me and told me Laurie Hernandez was going to be on.

Who?

I googled her and saw she won a silver medal and a gold medal. I watched her floor routine and her balance beam routine on YouTube.

I wrote to my kids. Do you want to come in? Mollie was able to. She couldn’t believe it. She skipped everything else she had planned.

The highlight of the morning was Mollie getting her picture taken with her new hero.

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When she left I was sad and I hugged her. But I am happy thinking about what I was able to do for a brief moment.

I am the man who got everything he ever wanted.

 

Related reading: What Percentage of Your Worries Come True?

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Monday, August 29, 2016

What I Learned From The FBI’s Best Hostage Negotiator

They kidnap your husband, they say they will kill him in 24 hours if you don’t come up with a million dollars.

What do you do?

You call up Chris Voss, the former lead hostage negotiator for the FBI.

Chris has saved thousands of lives in hostage negotiations. He’s negotiated against the world’s most maniacal terrorists.

He worked at the FBI for 24 years.

Now he helps others negotiate. He helps companies, individuals, governments, etc.

He wrote an excellent book about negotiation called, “Never Split the Difference“. I recommend it.

So I gave him a call. Chris, how can I get better?

He laughed when I met him. I said to him, “Did you fly here just to do this podcast?”

“I’m meeting the most interesting guy in the world,” he said. “Why wouldn’t I fly here?”

Flattery will get you nowhere! Nevertheless, I am effusively recommending his book and that you listen to the podcast when it comes out in a few weeks.

And I got a chance to sit down with him and ask him everything I wanted to know about negotiation.

I’m the worst at negotiating. I’ve lost companies, I’ve lost millions, I’ve lost time, I’ve gotten depressed – all due to bad negotiations.

I like to think that I learned from all the bad negotiations. Because at least in a bad negotiation, someone is good (the other side) and I can pick it apart and learn from it.

But much better was for me to simply meet the best negotiator in the world and ask him as many questions as I want.


“How?”

This is the most important thing I learned while talking to Chris.

You always want to get more information in a negotiation with as little commitment as possible on your side.

If one side says, “Show up with a million dollars tomorrow!” you can say, “How am I supposed to get you a million dollars by tomorrow?”

They will keep talking.

Outsource the hard things they are asking right back to them.

If one side says, “We can only go as low as $36,000 on this car” you can say, “I can’t go higher than $30,000. How am I supposed to come up with the $36,000?” And just see what they say.

Ask “open-ended questions” starting with “how” or “what”. Ask a lot of them. Be prepared in advance with your ‘how’ questions.

 

“NO”

A lot of people think you get people to say easy “yes”-es so that when the situation gets more difficult, they are more primed to say “Yes”.

“Not true,” Chris told me. “People are too primed now to say ‘yes’. They know what you are up to. Get them to say ‘No’ first. That’s the starting point.”

How can I do that?

“Ask them a question like, ‘Do you want this project to fail?’ or ‘Is this situation not going to work out for either side.’ ”

They don’t want to fail, so they will say “No”. Now you can start to find common ground.

 

List the Negatives

You can start to get empathy with the other side by listing the negatives on your side.

Then they start to agree with you.

For instance, you can say, “I know you might not trust me. I know you have had bad dealings in the past. I know you’ve had a hard childhood and this is the only way to make money.”

They will say, “That’s right”. And once you have empathy with them you can be a little more insistent on what it is you want.

 

Powerless

“Nobody wants to feel powerless. If the negotiation is not going your way you can say to them, ‘Sounds like there’s nothing you can do’.”

“This will make them feel powerless. They will say no to that and now they will try to do something for you to prove they are not powerless.”

 

Use Specific Numbers

If someone says, “This car is $36,000” then start come back with something like, “Listen, I know it’s very difficult to go below $36,000. I know you are doing the best you can here. But the most I can afford is $32,157.”

Then it appears (and it can also be true) that you are doing the homework and preparation to come up with an exact number that you can afford.

This is, of course, better if you have done the work to back up that specific number. Then it is hard for them to fight it.

 

Mirror

Whatever they say, repeat the last one to three words. Do this as much as possible.

If they say, “We can’t go higher than $100,000 on salary because that’s what everyone else is making” just say “That’s what everyone else is making” and see what they say next.

They will always say more.

Which goes along with:

 

Silence

Don’t be afraid to go silent. Mirror and then have the confidence to go silent.

Nobody wants the negotiation to end. They will keep talking and give you more information.

Your goal is you want to get them talking as much as possible. The more information you have, the better. And the more likely they will negotiate against themselves.

 

Deadlines Don’t Matter

They need you as much as you need them. Most people don’t realize that in the heat of a negotiation.

That’s why they are in the negotiation in the first place.

If they put a deadline on, don’t feel obligated to meet it. The negotiation won’t end. They still need you.

 

The Power of Information

“One time I was negotiating a hostage situation where they were asking for a million dollars…”

“Turns out the negotiations would intensify every Friday. How come? Because they really just wanted money to party all weekend.”

“We ended up getting the negotiation down to $16,000 and by that time they had pretty much given up so the hostage was able to escape.”

 

Late Night FM DJ Voice

This was a totally new one for me.

In Chris’s book “Never Split the Difference” he talks about how you have to use you ‘late night FM DJ voice’ when you negotiate to show people you are solid and serious.

I wasn’t sure what that meant. He showed me. He got his voice about half an octave deeper and he slowed down a bit between each word.

I practiced. It worked. It was almost scary when I listened to Chris.

It brought back memories of my dad being super serious about punishing me and I did not want to mess with him.

 

Terms and Conditions

This is where I have messed up the most in my own negotiations.

And, by the way, I am not innocent. I’ve sold, or been involved in the selling of, over a dozen companies.

I’ve negotiated many many investments. Many sales of rights, inventions, patents, deals, etc.

I’ve been around the block. But I mess up. A lot. And “terms and conditions” are what get me.

For instance, it’s not just a number for salary.

There can be more open-ended things that need to be discussed and put down on paper like, “How can I best succeed at this job so I get a promotion/raise with a year?”

Or, “How can we work this out so I get an extra week vacation.”

In every situation there are extra terms and conditions that need to be worked out.

15 years ago, one expert negotiator, Dr. Larry Brilliant (his real name), who later became head of all of Google’s charity work, gave me advice, “Always make sure your list is bigger than theirs so you can give up the nickels in exchange for the dimes.”

 

Who Throws Out A Number First?

I always have gone back and forth on this. It’s common sense to let them throw out a number first because maybe the number you throw out might be too low.

But then I used to figure that if I throw out a number first it will be good for me because I can ‘anchor’ them on a high number

“No,” he said, “Let them throw out a number first.”

For one thing, your number might be so high that they stop trusting you. And as far as anchoring, know what your range is and if their number is too low then don’t let their number anchor you. “Be psychologically strong enough to not let them anchor you.”

Also, if their number is too low you can get back to the open-ended ‘How’ questions. Like, “If everyone else in my industry is paid ‘X’ then how can I go with the number you suggest?”

 

Preparation

“Don’t go crazy over this. Since you don’t want to over-prepare. But get your “how”‘ questions ready. Your ‘no’ questions.

List your negatives down on a piece of paper. Figure out your terms and conditions in advance.

Do some basic work so when you come up with specific numbers you can back it up.

Make a preparation sheet.


I said to him, “You should be a couples’ counselor.” Thinking of the 10+ couples therapists I’ve visited in the past 20 years.

Thinking of all the bad negotiations I’ve had in (now -ex) relationships. Thinking of the hardships caused. The pain.

He laughed, “These techniques are good for all situations really. That’s what I love about what I do.”

I can’t even imagine negotiating against him but he told me one story about working with his son.

One of his colleagues came to negotiate something with him. His son was there also.

They were talking for about an hour when his son started laughing. “Dad! Don’t you see what he’s doing? He’s been mirroring everything you’ve been saying for the past hour and you just keep talking.”

“I’m an assertive person,” he said, “so it’s easy to get me talking. My colleague was using my own tricks against me.”

Even the master can be the student.

The key to success is to approach everything with humility. To know that there is always something new to learn in this surreal art of being human.

I think I’m too much of a sucker. I’m afraid every threat is true. And I want to please everyone. I want people to love me.

Next time my daughters negotiate with me I’m going to have to call Chris for coaching.

But maybe I will let them win anyway. Love will beat me in a negotiation every time.

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Friday, August 26, 2016

The 5 Incredible Things To Do To Live A Charmed Life

First, Jordan Harbinger was kidnapped by thugs in Serbia, taken to a warehouse, and his friend was beaten to pieces while Jordan talked his way out of death.

“Don’t ever get taken to a secondary location,” Jordan told me, “or you will probably die.”

Then he was kidnapped in Mexico. Even though we just spoke about it, I forget what happened. I’m glad I recorded it for posterity. I have to listen to my own podcast.

I have to remember things better. Sometimes I throw my all into something and then right afterwards I forget it.

I’m scared I have early onset Alzheimer’s.

I asked him, “You can talk yourself out of anything. How can I learn to do that? Can you give me five ways to be more persuasive.”

So he did. I was thinking to myself, “This is great I’m going to write these down as soon as I leave here.”

And then I forgot them.

One time I said to the producer of my podcast, “I saw this great book in the bookstore. Let’s get this guy on the podcast. I’d love to meet him.”

And she said, “Uhhh, you just interviewed him last week.”

That’s OK. Out of ego, I call myself a minimalist. So I keep minimal things in my head.

I was going to listen to the Jordan audio to remember the five things he told me so I can write this story.

But then Satoru was kind enough to make the graphic accompanying this article and then I remembered them.

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When you live life as if you are never going to die, then it doesn’t matter to remember any one thing. Time will disintegrate any one memory but that’s OK because things happen again and again.

Thank you, Jordan, for telling me the five secrets to becoming a Jedi Knight like you are.

Listen to our full interview here.

 

FIVE WAYS TO MASTER THE ART OF CHARM:

1) Doorway Drill

Like anything, becoming a Jedi Knight requires constant exercise.

“You can practice,” Jordan told me, “by practicing these things every time you walk through a door. The doorway is the reminder that you have to practice.”

Every time you walk through a doorway, think of it as your mentor, your coach. Do these things:

a) Straighten yourself up. This is important to me. I tend to slouch. I probably add an inch to my height now when I walk through a doorway.

b) Smile. Even when you fake-smile, it lowers stress and anxiety. I need this. It’s better than a drug.

c) Head up, Chin up, Open Body Language. I don’t know. Just try it. It works.

I think if you fake “c”, then it won’t work. I imagine situations where I DESERVE to have my chin up and head up and then I really feel it. That’s the practice.

One thing I know: What’s inside your body and mind, creates the world outside your body and mind.

What’s inside you becomes like a pebble you throw into the middle of ocean. It ripples out and hits every shore.

 

2) Think about what people are thinking about.

Empathy is the currency that gets you assertiveness.

But you can only have empathy if you listen to someone’s concerns, their autobiography which they will gladly share, the sadness and horrors that have sculpted out the color of their eyes.

Then you can say, “These are not the droids you are looking for.”

 

3) Think about why people are saying the things they are saying.

Again, it’s not about you. Nobody yells at you because of something you did.

A father abuses his child because he was abused. Someone is angry at you because his wife just cheated o him. Your boss demotes you because he was just denied promotion.

When you understand the rules of the game, you can play the game like a master.

When you catalog all the moves of all the other players and understand why they do what they do, then you can play the game better.

This is a muscle that atrophies quickly unless you exercise.

 

4) The Benjamin Franklin effect.

Benjamin Franklin understood a basic cognitive bias. I forget the name of it. Let’s call it the “Buried Treasure Cognitive Bias” because all of these cognitive biases have fun names like that but I am just making it up.

Basically: Young Ben had an enemy in the state legislature. Young Ben knew the enemy had a great book collection. Young Ben asked to borrow a book. He borrowed it and returned it.

Now the enemy became a friend for life.

How come? Because his brain said to him, “I am the type of person who does favors for Benjamin Franklin”. And that cognitive bias stuck with him for life.

The brain is sometimes a powerful computer (unlike any other computer, it can tell me if an apple tastes good).

But often it is is a very weak computer that can be programmed by others.

The Benjamin Franklin Effect, the Buried Treasure Cognitive Bias, is a way to do that programming.

 

5) Always be giving (don’t keep score).

My grandmother always kept track. “Twenty years ago he didn’t go to my grandson’s birthday party so we shouldn’t go to his cousin’s wedding.”

Once you keep score, you lose.

Life is long. Life is hard. If you keep score, it’s another weight on you. Just give when you can. Else the score will go against you anyway.

When given the chance, opt to be a good and kind person. We don’t always get chances and often it is too late to practice this muscle.

Just like eventually my leg and arm muscles will get weaker and weaker as I age, because of lack of exercise, so will the giving muscle unless I exercise it.

Giving is the most selfish thing you can do. Hence the amazing benefits you can derive from it.


Some things are better to forget.

I’ve watched with my own eyes a plane crash right in front of me. I watched my dad die when I could have helped him. I watched the sadness on someone’s face when I told her I had to go. I watched my daughter’s face crinkle into tears when I told her I was getting a divorce.

I will never forget the horrible things.

But I want to give. I want to stand up straight. I want to think of others.

Life is short. Life is long. Regardless, I am forgetting the past and I can only have hope for the future so I have to do the best I can right now.

 

Related: Ep. 181 – Jordan Harbinger: The Mindset We All Want

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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Ep. 181 – Jordan Harbinger: Are You A Sociopath or Just Charming?

You can learn a lot from a sociopath. How to be charismatic, charming, convincing… They know how you think.

“That’s the mindset we want,” Jordan Harbinger said.

He was kidnapped twice.

Once in Serbia. Once in Mexico.

And he talked his way out both times.

“We knew there was a problem,” he said.

“The cop gets in my face and goes, ‘In your country, can you walk around with no identification and no passport? Tell me the Goddamn truth.’”

Jordan was in Serbia teaching refugees English.

“Yeah, we don’t need any form of identification at all,” he said.

The cop turned to his friend and in Serbian said, “I guess they really are free over there. I had no idea.”

They didn’t know Jordan spoke Serbian.

He ended up in a basement. Pipes were sticking out of the wall. There was no water for miles. Wires were everywhere. And Jordan was tied to a chair.

They threatened to burn his eyes with a cigarette.

The guard had a club and rakia, a homebrewed liquor. Jordan talked his way out of going blind and into having a drink with his kidnapper.

I always say advice is autobiography. Now Jordan’s made a career teaching ultimate survival skills through his podcast, “The Art of Charm.”

I asked him, “How can I be more likable?”

“I think you’re very likable…”

Later he said I have “an un-punchable face.” And I agreed.

When Jordan was single, he saw a girl texting on the train. There was no cell service. I tried guessing what he said to her, “‘I didn’t get your text, can you re-send it?’”

“No, no that’s a great, pick-up line, but I wanted to disarm her. So I said something like, ‘Are you gonna write the whole book on your phone?’”

I asked him the top 5 takeaways from his podcast. He said, “Everyone gets to the top differently.”

Jordan’s interviewed world leaders like General Hayden, the former head of the NSA and CIA, Super Bowl MVP Hines Ward, and 500+ more.

They have stories. We all do.

You could self-publish yours. That’s what I did. And my life changes every six months. Maybe yours will too.

A lot of people don’t know where or how to start.

So I wrote a guide called “The Ultimate Checklist Before Self-Publishing.” You can get the checklist now. Write a book. Sell it for 99 cents. And email me when you get your first sale.

You can learn more about this on Saturday. I’m doing a special bonus episode. (If you don’t want to miss it subscribe now.) You’ll hear Jordan’s two kidnapping stories and you’ll learn about the 20 steps I took to become a best selling author.

But for now here’s Jordan’s top 5 takeaways from “The Art of Charm”:

A) Think about what people are worried about

“I just say whatever’s on my mind,” he said.

He was going to a dinner party. But he didn’t know what to wear. T-shirt or button-down?

That’s the weakness. It’s the thing we all have in common, but no one wants to admit.

That’s why I wear the same five outfits.

At the dinner party, Jordan said to the guy next to him, “I never know what to wear to these things. I feel like I look like such a dipshit in button-downs, but I also don’t want to wear a t-shirt to a dinner party and then be that jackass who wore a t-shirt to a dinner party.”

People aren’t used to honesty.

But that’s how Jordan survived Serbia.

The guy next to him said, “Oh my god, I know. I never know what to do, I’m wearing my work clothes, but I feel like a dork.”

BAM! Now they’re friends.

He used the same trick when he was single. Once he broke the ice, women would feel comfortable coming back to talk with him later.

B) Use deliberate practice

Anders Ericsson, the creator of the 10,000-hour rule, came on my podcast. He also came up with the idea of “deliberate practice,” which involves two steps:

  1. Get a teacher.
  2. Get feedback.

A friend of mine asked me for dating advice. But she didn’t look satisfied with my answer. So I asked, “What could I have done better?”

I used deliberate practice to learn how to be a better friend.

C) Don’t be manipulative

Trying to get someone to like you doesn’t make you likable.

It makes you a sociopath.

There’s a fine line between being likable and being manipulative.

Identify your intentions. And move from there. You can always start over. That’s the beauty of life.

D) Outwork your opponent

I asked Jordan, “How do you outthink your opponent if, presumably, the reason they’re your opponent is because they’re as good as you or better?”

Simple: outwork them.

Or…  

E) Don’t follow the rules

“It was a little bit bad cop, worse cop.”

One guy kicked his chair. Another guy burned his arms.

When he escaped, Jordan searched for the police. But a local warned him. The police were in on it.

“People play by the rules if they don’t know a better way,” he said.

I know a better way…

Choose yourself.

Links and Resources:

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Friday, August 19, 2016

Here’s what happened…

 

 

I bought too many books….

Usually that’s a good thing. This time it wasn’t.

I bought over 1,000 copies of two of my favorite books ever written:

 

First, I’ll tell you why I love these books.

More importantly I’ll show you how you can get them for nearly half what you would pay on Amazon.  Oh, and I’ll also give you a few of my favorite things you can’t get anywhere else.

 

So here’s the most affordable way I’ve ever offered for you to become a better:

  • Money-maker…
  • Networker…
  • Thinker…
  • Writer…
  • Entrepreneur…
  • Learner…
  • Investor…

 

My “Quickstart Guide To Wealth” is a collection of books and gifts that will make it easy for you to think about money like I do without struggling through 16 years of ups and downs like I did.

So today I’m giving you a choice.

But first, let me tell you exactly what this “Quickstart” will do for you.

 

These two books changed my life (how to find your “virtual mentor”).

To me, books are the greatest mentors…

For example…they can’t get impatient with you, they can’t resent your eventual success.

Find the right book, you’ve got yourself one good (virtual) mentor.

That’s a good deal. The question is, “which book” do you start with?That’s the same question people ask me every day.

There’s no answer. It’s not just one. There are tons.

But, OK, I’ll give you an answer in a second.

 

Have I told you my best wealth building strategy?  

I think about trends, about the future.  And then I come up with (lot’s of) ideas on how best to make money from them.

It’s simple.

But it takes practice.  That’s why I came up with this “Quickstart” gift bundle for you…

 

Today, if you want, I’ll give you two of my favorite (and most powerful) virtual mentors.

Oh, and I’ll give them to you for 47% less than you’ll find anywhere else.

Now to answer your question…“Which books should I start with?”

Easy.

You should start with: 

 

Bold 

In 2000 I read “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell like everyone else did and put it nice and neat on my bookshelf so anyone walking into my office could see it.

I didn’t understand it.

I kept asking myself: OK, he shows all of these ‘tipping points’ when a business suddenly breaks out and everyone is buying their products. But he doesn’t show us how a technique to get to a tipping point. He doesn’t show how to predict a tipping point, or any way at all to benefit from one. He did this all in “Blink” also. I just didn’t get it.

But finally in “Bold” I got it.

They basically tell you how to determine what industries are going to hit a tipping point and almost exactly the day it will happen. I don’t know if that was there intent but when they came on my podcast we discussed it.

They talk about industries that have exponential growth that can almost be explained by a formula. Like the famous “Moore’s Law” named after the former CEO of Intel in 1965 when he said that (more or less) that computing power would double every year.

 

This is sort of like the story of the history of chess.

A man in India taught the king a game he invented: chess.

The king was so happy he said, “Ask for anything you want and I will give it to you!

The man pointed to the chessboard and said, “I just want a piece of wheat on the first square, two pieces of wheat on the second square, four on the third, and double on each square until square 64. ”

The king thought the man was a fool. He put a single stalk of wheat on the first square. And then kept doubling.

By the time he was about halfway through the board, he had to put his entire kingdom on the square.

So what did he do?

He killed the man. Back then there were simple solutions to hard problems.

The authors of Bold define the “6 Ds” that help you if an industry is about to turn exponential (in other words, they are about to go from the tiny tiny sizes to exponentially large sizes) and they discuss which specific industries are on their radar.

They talk about 3D Printing, Robotics, Sensors, and so on….

Fascinating book.

And then…

 

The Essays of Warren Buffett

There are a lot of books out there about investor Warren Buffett (including one that I wrote in 2005) and I can tell you this: Almost all of them suck.

Most books go on and on about how Buffett is a value investor (he’s not) and what value investing means (almost all of the descriptions are wrong).

I don’t know what purpose these books serve, other than to maybe help the authors raise money for their own funds (“Oh, investing with him is like investing with Warren Buffett!” It’s not.) or sell more books (“Warren Buffett is always hot,” my then-editor told me before my book had practically no sales).

But, I do have to say, this is the one book I would buy about Warren Buffett (over my own).

Author Lawrence Cunningham delivers the real goods on Buffett and the work that has gone into his mind-blowing success.

Not in terms of a biography of the man (who cares) but in terms of his collected wisdom about corporate America. The book is a curated collection of the almost 50 letters that Warren Buffett has sent to shareholders of his company, Berkshire Hathaway.

These letters are rarely about investing. They are about business.

Many people ask, “What stock should I buy?” or “What stock is going to go up in the next two months so I can make some money?”

Warren Buffett doesn’t ask that.

He asks, “What business is likely to be here 20 years from now? Because if it will still be around then, it’s probably a good investment now.”

And then Buffett gives case study after case study on both his successes and his many failures and how he judges whether a business is good or not.

Warren Buffett has been working about 10 hours a day since the early 1950s, learning how to effectively value and understand businesses. That’s about 5,000 hours a year for 60 years.

Buffett has put in his 10,000 hours… times three!

What better person to learn from than someone who dedicated 60 years of his life to becoming the best businessman in the world?

Cunningham scoured all of Buffett’s writings and pulled the most salient pieces out to compile this book of essays. So we get an expert curation on the entirety Buffett’s business and investing philosophies.

It’s a great book if you want to be better at your own investments and your own approach to life.

 

Now…if you’re at all serious about growing your wealth starting today, I want you to take me up on this offer.

And at 47% off what these books cost elsewhere it’s the smallest investment you can make and still expect results.

 

And for the next few days I’ll give you something you can’t buy anywhere.

Even the best mentors can only take you so far…

You HAVE to become an “idea machine”.  Here’s how I do it (and what I’ll give you to help you do it too).

  • Come up with 10 ideas a day.  Everyday.  I carry a waiters pad with me everywhere I go.  I make lists, I create new ideas. I can’t tell you if you should too, but I can tell you it’s saved my life over and over again.  If you want to try I’ll send you the same kind of waiters pad I use as part of this “Quickstart” gift bundle.
  • Write.  I’ll also send you a “Choose Yourself” pen…  I mean, you’ve got to write your ideas down with something.
  • Listen.  I spent a few weeks creating a CD with some of my best podcasts.  This is a highlight reel that shares some of the toughest questions I’ve asked or answered.  Plus in-depth interviews with people who will challenge your view on the world.  These people helped me grow.  They’ll help you too.

 

special_gift_set1

Note:  these gifts are only available with this special gift set.

 

So here’s where you have to make a choice…

Say “yes” to this offer and I’ll send you all of this today.

I have about 800 of these “Quickstart” gift bundles ready to ship out.

And once they’re gone this offer is over.

 

So, again, if you are at all serious about doing something to help change your life (the same way I did) I hope you’ll consider this soon.

Here’s the offer one more time.

James

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Thursday, August 18, 2016

What Percentage of Your Worries Come True?

So then I put Turney in a cage.

Turney Duff, who wrote the bestselling book, “The Buy Side“, was once so torn up by drugs and addiction, that he lost his seven figure job, his family, his self-esteem, everything.

Bit by bit he climbed out of it. He wrote a book. He wrote more books, articles, etc. He patched things up with his family. He became sober. (He went on my podcast).

Quick story about my podcast. Afterwards, the sound engineer comes up to us and says to him: I thought I knew you from somewhere. Ten years ago we were under a chair at [club] doing [drug].

The other day Turney called me up, “Hey, I’m near where you are staying.”

So of course I had to put him in prison.

When I moved into this particular AirBnB, there was a cage. The woman who first showed me the apartment said “it’s a bird cage.”

For some reason, I believed her. “It’s for big birds,” she said. OK, I thought.

And everyone after that laughed at me. “It’s for a particular type of bird,” a friend told me.

I still couldn’t figure out how to open the cage. One day my 17 year old was over and she simply opened the door and said, “like this”.

Hmmm….

Turney said, “That’s no bird cage,” and he went in and I took his photo.

Then we spoke for awhile.

He told me, “The main thing I learned getting sober: 99% of the things we think will happen, never happen.”

“We all worry about so many things and almost all of those things we stress about, we worry about, we have anxiety about, are just wasted thoughts.”

We get put in prison by our thoughts. Cages of anxiety.

I’ve woken up in that prison. It’s not pleasant. It’s sort of gross to be an adult and have that happen.

You get so anxious you have to drown it out in any way.

Wake up with vomit leaving a trail from the bed to the bathroom. A meeting I have to run to that I’m already late for.

Bits and pieces of paper with random numbers adding up to nothing.

I was always worried after everything…there would be nothing. Nothing to show for this pathetic life.

99% of the things I predict will not come true, both good and bad.

When I remind myself of that, I slow it down. Slow down all thoughts. There’s less of them (less anxious thoughts) and I don’t need to react to most of the others.

Bad things happen to everyone. It’s how we react to them that determine how they will effect our life.

And the best way to react is to simply slow the thoughts down. Your brain wants to tease you. But I don’t have to let it.

Slow it down. I have fun right now.

Like taking photos of my guests in a cage.


Related reading: Shoot Your Fear — 7 photos from just 7 days.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Ep. 180 – A.J. Jacobs: Four Words That Will Give You Ultimate Freedom

I was at a restaurant with this beautiful, thick-cut bacon. The kind you use a knife and fork on.

It had fat running through it. And I felt that feeling when you fall in love in junior high school.

My friend AJ Jacobs is going to prove bacon is the the path to immortality.

“I am very skeptical of health gurus,” he said. “You can find a study to support anything.”

I want him to find that study so I can eat bacon three times a day. And live forever doing it. I’d spend the rest of my life experimenting…

That’s how AJ lives his life.

Every year, he does a new one. Then he writes about it. Most of our lives are lived in our head. Creation is when it leaks out.

He’s written four New York Times bestselling books. And he’s the editor-at-large for Esquire.

But you don’t need permission. These four words will give you ultimate freedom to do anything you want: “It’s just an experiment.”

Forget the gatekeepers. Just play.

AJ has done hundreds of experiments. He learns from them. So do I. Here are 3 lessons I learned from AJ’s hundreds of experiments:

1) Filter negative thoughts

I believe in authenticity. But I don’t believe in saying everything you think.

If all the pain we created was just an accident, misunderstandings wouldn’t need explaining.

AJ stopped gossiping. He had to. It was part of an experiment. “There’s a 1-800 number that Orthodox Jews have. It’s like a suicide hotline, but for gossip.”

“How many people call that number a year?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I called it and found it very helpful.”

He said his brain is lazy. Mine is, too. I have to watch it. It takes a lot of effort to clear out negative thoughts. But when AJ’s brain realized certain thoughts were being filtered, it stopped generating those thoughts.

“I started thinking more positively about people.”

Some people don’t know they’re negative talkers. Or negative thinkers. Your brain is Jurassic Park occupied by predators. If you take care of yourself and filter them out, positive thoughts will filter through.

Good people will want to be around you. The landscape will change. And new opportunities will come.

But if you get the urge to gossip, call the hotline.

 

2) Practice radical positive honesty

AJ and his wife ran into some of her college friends at a restaurant. They said, “Oh, we should all get together.”

But AJ didn’t want to. He was doing an experiment where he was being radically honest 100% of the time. “I had to say what was on my mind, which was, ‘You guys seem nice, but I just have no desire to ever see you again.’

“How did they react?”

“As you might expect, they were not overjoyed.”

“Did your wife yell at you?”

“Yes, absolutely, she yelled at me. In one sense it was effective because we’ve never seen them again.”

“I don’t know how she stays married to you.”

AJ laughed. And we still got lunch after the podcast.

Now he believes in radical positive honesty. I told AJ I’d try it.

“Give it a shot. You’re very handsome,” he said.

He was lying.

3) Don’t overlook anything

One of the top 3 moments in AJ’s life was with Chrissy Teigen.

I already knew the story because he called me immediately after interviewing her.

They were talking about religion and she randomly asked if he read “The Year of Living Biblically.”

She didn’t know he wrote it.

“The Bible says you should say thanks all the time. I took it literally,” he said.

It was one of his experiments.

“I would press the elevator button and be thankful it came to the first floor. Then I’d get in and be thankful it didn’t plummet to the basement and break my collarbone. It was a very bizarre way to live, but it was also wonderful because you realize there are hundreds of things that go right every day that we totally take for granted.”

 

 

Links and Resources:

Plus: 

 

Also mentioned:

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This Is What You Do When The World Falls Apart…

“OK,” I said, “Here’s what you do. Just be interested in other people.”

My friend had just spent an hour telling me his problems. Job problems. Girl problems. Health problems.

He was miserable. He couldn’t meet people. He was lonely. Nobody was calling him back for a job.

He was worried he was going to be thrown onto the street. “I’ll have no place to live, man. What if I can’t get a job over the next year?

“My doctor told me when I was a kid that I was ADD. Maybe this is all because of that.

“9/11,” he said.

“Julia,” he said. And said some more.

Earlier he had called and he was around the block. I said stop by. He stopped by. I asked how he was doing. He told me. Then he told me some more. We took a walk. He told me more.

We came back and were sitting around. I made a coffee. I said my thing.

I don’t know if my solution will help him. It helps me. That’s all I know. All I know is what I do.

Live life as if you are NEVER going to die. Ever.

I think it makes me patient. I’m immortal. Eventually everyone today will be gone tomorrow. But I will still be here. They will be gone.

Some of them I will miss. Some…not so much.

And whatever I want to get better at, if I focus on it a little bit each day, I will be the best.

Because I’m going to live forever. So I listen to people tell me their stories so I can learn.

When you drive a car across the country, you have to first turn on the ignition.

That’s the only thing I know about getting across the country by car. You have to start the car.

My friend was just visiting me. He spoke to me for a few hours. Listening to someone else is always the ignition.

Eventually it was night-time and he left and I took a walk by myself. It was pleasant. I watched all the people in the street who are going to die tomorrow.


Related reading: What Is Your Philosophy Of Life? What Is Sacred To You? Here Is Mine…

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Monday, August 15, 2016

The Penultimate Rules On Being More Creative

“You know that ‘penultimate’ means ‘second’, right?” she said to me.

I forget why. But it was in an horribly embarrassing situation. I remember that. I remember thinking I thought ‘penultimate’ meant ‘number one’.

‘You know it’s not the best. It’s the SECOND best,” she repeated.

I remember the blush. I remember her asking the question again. I remember not knowing what to do.

“Yes!” I said.


The first two rules for being creative:

1. There are absolutely no rules.
2. Whenever someone gives you a list of rules, ALWAYS throw out rule #1.


This is a post about revenge. I can’t tell you why…

 

One time I secretly videotaped a date happening at the table next to me. The girl knew. She put an ad in the paper. None of the guys knew.

We picked the restaurant. We put cameras in every plant. We sat on both sides of the table of the date. We recorded two dates this way.

On the first date the guy confessed he was gay but he still liked her and was unsure. On the second date the guy got a phone call in the middle of the date. From his wife.

After the first date, the guy called the girl and said, “Life is to be lived. Not videotaped!”

I pitched the show to two different divisions within the same company. They found out about each other and both rejected the idea. One side said, “It feels too mean”.

Ideas can be creative, ideas can be helpful. Ideas can be funny. Ideas can change the world, can entertain others, can change your life.

But they still can be rejected. The important thing is not the idea, or you, or the people who see it. The important thing is tomorrow. What creativity will inspire you tomorrow.


3. Creativity comes from being pre-crative.

I went to the gym today. I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks. I am not a regular gym goer.

“You can’t even do 70 lbs,” She was laughing at me. My trainer.

I can’t even tell you what machine we were on. Some machine where 70 pounds was too heavy for me. “You were doing it two weeks ago. See? This is what happens when you don’t go for two weeks.”

“But my daughter was visiting.”

“This is what happens when you don’t go for two weeks.” No excuses.

Muscles shrink pretty fast. The Creativity Muscle most of all. If you don’t use it every day, it goes away within weeks.

People think, “I’m going to take a shower and have inspiration.”

You’re just going to get up all wet. When I’m in the shower I daydream about money. I count it in my head. ‘How much will I have?’ I never seem to be creative there.

You get creative by exercising the Creativity Muscle. I call this being, “Pre-crative”. I made up that word.

 

4. One a day.

For awhile I was taking one photograph a day and posting it on Instagram. I’d go up to people who made me feel some sort of curiosity itch and I’d ask them why they were who they were.

Like, if I saw a pretty guy and girl sitting on a bench, I’d want to know how they met. Oh, they are broken up? How come?

Or, if I saw a guy playing piano in the street. How did he get that piano there? OK, let’s take a selfie.

The result: a photograph and a story. And, because I don’t like talking to people, I get out of my comfort zone.

Or I try to write a post every day. Or it’s a day I’m doing a podcast. Or I am working on a book.

One creative thing a day. Or your creative muscle shrinks.

Think about it: write one page a day. In a year you have a book. In five years, five books.

One podcast a day. In a year, you’d be among the best podcasters in the world.

One photograph a day. Within a year or two you’d be a good photographer. When I take a photograph and put it on Instagram I try to tell a story with it. So it also improves my writing.

The real you lives outside of your comfort zone. Creativity is the bridge from our daily zone to the mysterious phantom zone.

 

5. Ten ideas a day.

I’ve written about this a million times. Pick a topic, any topic. Write ten ideas. Make it so that it’s difficult by idea #6 or idea #7.

Today I wrote: ten ideas for young adult novels.

By the way: they can be bad ideas. Horrible ideas. I had an idea. An unpopular kid is half-vampire. I called my teenage daughter. “Horrible idea,” she said. “I’m so sick of those.”

OK.

But that’s not the point. 10 ideas a day is 3,650 ideas in a year. Is 36,500 ideas in a decade.

People say “Ideas are a dime a dozen”. Maybe they are right. But you still need that dozen. Maybe you need that 36,500 to have one good one. I’ve had three or four good ideas in the past 15 years. That’s all you need.

 

6. Inspiration.

“If you want to stop an argument, just say the word ‘panties’,” she told me. “Everyone stops then. Men become frozen.”

“Panties.” She didn’t say anything. Then: “See. It works every time.”

I fell in love with her. “Panties,” she said again.

Elon Musk didn’t sit down and make a space ship from nothing. He read every physics book. He read every book on mechanical engineering and space travel. He hired the best people in the world.

Carl Sagan has a joke. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch first you have to invent the Universe.

People say you are the average of the five people you spend your time with. Fair enough. I spend my time with some good people.

But inspiration also comes from the five people you are most inspired by. And those people can change every day.

I’ll you who it is for me today. Tomorrow it might be different. Today I’m inspired by:
Michael Lewis, Ksenia Anske, Celine, Richard Price, Jessi Klein.

 

7. Errors.

The history of creativity is a history of errors.

One example: Pfizer created a drug that failed in all of it’s drug trials to solve Angina Pectoris (chest pain when the arteries clog). The drug was a failure. Normally calm scientists jumped off bridges in silent frustration.

Only…it had a strange side effect. Pfizer renamed the drug Viagra and started selling it to create that side effect.

Spencer Silver was trying to create a strong tape for a company called 3M. Instead, he failed. Created a very weak tape that seemed to have no use. Many years later 3M figured, let’s try to sell this and they called them Post-Its.

You can’t have great successes without being littered with failures along the way. Small experiments, small failures, small victories, small celebrations, lead to giant acts of creativity.

tl;dr … Don’t give up.

 

8. 1 + 1 = 3 (the only rule you need to know).

I went to a party with Randy. He went over to say hi to Wyclef Jean, the main rapper in the group the Fuguees. Wyclef had once been in a play that Randy wrote.

“Think about it,” Randy said to me later about the Fugees latest hit. “You take the song ‘Saturday Night Fever’ by the Bee-gees, put a beat to it and rap to it, and you are guaranteed to have a huge hit.”

Take anything that has resonated through time. Add your own twist to it. And BAM! Creative genius.

Stephen Pressfield describes this process perfectly in his book, ‘The Authentic Swing’. I really admire Pressfield and his books on creativity: The War of Art and Turning Pro.

In ‘The Authentic Swing’ he describes how he took one of the most ancient (and popular) stories ever: The bhavagad Gita, which is the foundation of Hinduism, and he combines that story with …. the story of a golf pro.

The result: The Legend of Bagger Vance, which became a huge bestselling novel and a movie starring Will Smith.

The key was to take something that had already been “focus grouped” by history. He knew that the Bhavagad Gita has resonated with billions of people over thousands of years.

This takes a lot of the risk out of wondering, “Will people like this?” Creativity, like being an entrepreneur, is not about risk taking. It’s about risk mitigation.

Pressfield took something that people had already liked, even loved, even worshipped, added his own spin, and created art.

1 + 1 = 3 means:

Take something focus grouped by history, add your spin, create art.

Leonardo Da Vinci’s best example: The Last Supper.

Take a 1500 year old story, combine it with more modern discoveries of the human body, make a painting.

By the way, greatest modern example of this. 22 year old Elijah Daniel, last January, tweeted he was going to combine 50 Shades of Grey with Donald Trump and put it on Amazon that very night.

He did it four hours later. “Trump Temptation” and it became a hit reaching #1 in ‘humorous erotica’ on Amazon.

I just looked at it. It has 400 reviews, which is more reviews than any of my books except one.

Here’s one of the reviews: “This book changed my life.. 5/5 stars.. The ending is… Amazing. Enjoy.”

 

9. Do something stupid.

I ruined my career. I kept writing about how I often I lost all of my money. How many times. How much, etc.

I was once trying to raise money for a hedge fund. Some wealthy people were interested. I went to them and they did their research. My friend who introduced us laughed me out of the room.

“Man,” he said, “Nobody is going to give you money. You are constantly writing about losing money.”

Yeah, I reminded him. I lost money investing in your company which went down the tubes.

OK, he said, I get it. But nobody says it.

And he was right. But I did it anyway. And I did it more. And more.

We almost didn’t do a deal with you, said another friend of mine who has since done a very successful deal with me.

You always write about how your deals fall through.

It’s true. Most deals fall through. And most people are too afraid to admit it.

Be fearless, be stupid, be wrong, be exposed.

That’s how you get the deals, raise the money, create art, and get people to laugh.

Just be honest. Don’t be chained by “should”.

 

10. Immersion.

Hunter S. Thompson loaded up on drugs and drove to Las Vegas with his “attorney” and “Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas” was the result.

Jack Kerouac hitchhiked across the US and wrote “On the Road” in three weeks.

Truman Capote spent months covering a murder trial and “In Cold Blood” was the result.

Brian Koppelman and David Levien threw themselves into the underground subculture of poker in NYC in the 90s and out came their first movie “Rounders”. Now they are working on the hit TV show “Billions”.

My friend, AJ Jacobs read The Encyclopedia Britannica from A-Z and then wrote the bestselling “The Know-It-All”.

It’s not possible every day to throw yourself into a story. And it’s not always healthy. If you’re in a happy marriage, don’t do something stupid for the sake of a story.

But what is life without experience. And when you create something out of your experiences, you can help expand the lives of others as they read it through your art.

 

11. What’s your truth?

The Matrix was a masterpiece about virtual reality, and the question: what if the world we live in is not the real world.

It asks the immortal question: red pill or blue pill? Will you discover the real world you live in, or stay in the fake one.

But… was it really about virtual reality?

The Warchowski Brothers, who made the movie, are now…the Warchowski sisters – they both became women.

Did they take the red pill and find their real reality?

Everyone looks down their nose at genre fiction. Kurt Vonnegut was a pulp science fiction novelist when he started.

The book, “Slaughterhouse Five” could be considered a pulpy book about aliens and time travel.

But dig a little deep and it’s a book about the horrific bombing of Dresden in World War II and Kurt Vonnegut’s real-life experiences during the bombing.

Always tell the truth, wrap it in art.

 

12. Write what you don’t know.

People always say, “Write what you know” and even above I say, “What is your truth”.

But the reality is: sometimes the truth is that we don’t know things.

I wrote “the Power of No” not because I was so great at saying “No”. In fact, I was awful at it. I couldn’t say ” No” to anyone and I still have trouble with it. This inability was ruining my life.

But when I am able to say “No” it allows me to find time to say “yes” to the things important to me: like family, friends, writing.

You don’t take dating lessons from Brad Pitt. You take it from someone who was awful at it and got better. Documenting the process of learning how to say “No” is how I wrote “The Power of No”.

Ditto for “Choose Yourself”. I was always looking for validation from others. From my parents, from friends, from girlfriends, from teachers and bosses and publishers.

It was a 20 year process to learn I could be happier by first finding happiness from within and not needing validation from without. It’s that process I painfully describe through failure after failure.

It’s a cliche to say, ‘go out of your comfort zone’. Unfortunately, that’s where all the creativity is waiting for you.

 

13. Process is art. 

Read Raymond Carver’s original short story for “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”, his most famous short story.

Only…that’s not the version that appears in his books. Gordon Lish’s edit is what appears.

I love seeing the two versions and the edits that resulted in the final draft. The two versions, seen together, is just as much art as the final story.

The process of creating art is art itself. Always keep track of your process.

 

14. Get irritated.

When something irritates me, I tease it out into a story. What were you doing when you were most irritated?

Don’t say why it irritates you. Let the story say it. And don’t take revenge on anyone.

It’s all your fault. When you blame someone else, you are really underlining your own faults in dealing with people.

There are many weak people out there. They are trying constantly to drag you down into the swamp.

We all have our tragedies. We can all pull them out of our hearts and examine them and tell story after story about them. Your tragedies are your creative best friends.

True creativity is the way to rise above the people who dislike you. The way to fly in the sky. The pleasure is immense.

And the more you are creative, the more people will hate you. Because you have explored a world outside of everyone’s comfort zone. That’s why it’s ‘creative’. And when you try to take people out of their comfort zones, they will hate you.

The more people who hate you, the more creative you are. OR…the more people who hate you, the more hateful you are. Fall on the right side of this.

The best revenge is not ‘living well’. That’s just something small people say.

Living well is a choice. The best revenge is being creative. To see the world from above. To paint it. To strangle it to kiss it to tease it to love it to wish for it to want it to miss it to run from it to be scared of it.


It’s hypocritical to write about creativity. Because nobody knows. And everyone is different.

Happiness comes from outside. Being creative comes from inside. Comes from exploring the world that is outside by looking at how it changes you inside.

By exploring the question, over and over again, ‘who am I?’

What’s great is that the answer changes every second and, yet, deep down it never changes at all.

 


Related reading: 50 Things I Pretend To Know Now That I Am Nearing 50

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Friday, August 12, 2016

What’s The Point In Life?

I visited a friend of mine in jail. He had been protesting a war.

Whenever you protest 18 year olds being killed, there’s a chance you can get arrested.

When he was in the county jail, he took off all his clothes and tried to flush them down the toilet. They had forgotten to give him medication for bipolar illness.

He was sentenced to a week or so in jail. I decided to go because I had never been to a jail (knocking on wood).

When I saw him he said, “You’re the only guy who visited me. I’m glad you came.”

I asked, what have you been doing?

Reading, writing. Helping the inmates learn how to read.

I asked him, “Has anyone sexually harassed you?” I was trying to avoid the word “rape” for some reason.

He was (and is) a very ugly guy. He said, “When you look like me you’re not really at risk”. But, he added, “I stay away from the gym. You don’t want to act like you’re challenging anyone.”

I saw him in the street a few weeks later. He hugged me and that’s the last time I saw him.


One time a psychic told me to throw a coconut in the middle of the road in the middle of the night. I needed good luck.

Later that evening I went searching for a coconut. I had no idea where to get one.

I went to a Thai restaurant. I figured they always had coconut curry so maybe they would have a coconut.

They didn’t have one. But while I was there I heard someone shout, “James!”

I turned around. It was JP. It was Luke. It was Harry. And others. All my friends from the park playing chess. It was winter so this must have been where they hung out during the winter and I didn’t even know.

It was sort of sad to me that I known them for so long but never really knew them. Never would be a part of their group.

I went to sit down with them and play. I told them I needed a coconut because a psychic told me and it was going to bring my luck up.

JP had a deep radio voice. He laughed and said, “There must be a woman involved.”

We played chess for two hours. Then I went to a grocery store and found a coconut.

I went outside and my wife and I walked all around until we found an empty corner with no cars coming in any direction. I walked into the middle of the street and smashed the coconut to smithereens.

It was a very long time after that before I had any luck, good or bad.


Sometimes I feel my heart flutter. Like it skips a beat.

I always sort of wonder what it would feel like if I had an actual heart attack. People tell me it hurts a lot.

Right now I have no regrets. Like if I fell to the floor in pain I would think, I would not have done anything differently.

What would I do differently if I knew it was going to end today? I think I would probably walk outside more and look at more faces.

Faces tell stories. Not how the face looks. How the eyes look when they look away from you. How the mouth looks when they speak.

These are the stories they keep bottled. The stories they are buried with.

What else would I do?

I think I would find a pool. And I’d go underwater. And I’d float with water all around me. And try to think of nothing. Maybe that’s what it’s like to be in a womb.

Does meaning start in the womb? Does it start when you do something in life? When you make a goal, solve a purpose, create a problem, walk your talk?

Or does it start before the womb?

When a man and a woman, nine months before you are born, kiss each other and love each other and have no idea of all the things that are about to happen that will change their lives forever.


Related reading: How to be THE LUCKIEST GUY ON THE PLANET in 4 Easy Steps

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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Using the 5/25 Rule to Learn to Say “No”

When I was 12 I was obsessed with a book on my parents’ shelf. “Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No”. A pop psychology book from the 70’s all about sex.

I would pretend to be sick. Stay home from school. Read the book over and over again, fascinated by the stories.

Too bad I didn’t learn anything from it.


Yes #1:

I wish I had never started a business, to be honest.

Here’s the results of my first business:

  • My partners (one sister, one brother in law) no longer speak to me.
  • I lost all the money I made from that business.
  • I gave up on my dreams of launching a TV show. I was in the middle of pitching two shows to HBO at the time I left to do my own business.
  • I gave up on dreams of writing a novel.
  • I stopped sleeping from 1995 to 2010. 15 years of little to no sleep. My brain is now damaged.

I learned fear, hate, anxiety, stress and poverty from that first business. I wish I hadn’t said “Yes” to it.

 

Yes #2:

I wish I never started in the financial industry. I ran a hedge fund for many years. I have nothing really to show for it. I learned a lot about business.

But I also gave up on doing what I was good at. I was good at building websites.

I started my first fund around 2003, after being a solid day trader for the prior two years.

I read 200 books on finance, I wrote software modeling the markets, I started networking with other hedge fund managers, I started writing about finance.

I really became an expert in the entire field of trading and stock markets, etc.

You know what… Wall Street is mostly BS and a scam. I really despise almost everyone in that industry.

Whereas when I finally started building websites for people again, in 2006, I quickly got over a million users a month on the first site I released to the public. And I sold it a few months later.

I wish I had said, “No” four years earlier.

 

Yes #3:

Then I wanted to be on TV.

Every time CNBC called I would say “yes”. I would drop everything, and sometimes travel 70 miles so I can go on TV for three minutes.

Here’s what would happen.

I’d be sitting next to the anchor. She’d stare at her notes until 5 seconds before we were going live.

She’d say (It was always a “she”), “How do I say your name again?”

I’d look at her and say, “I’ll… touch… her. But fast. I’ll-touch-her”. And the she’d still be laughing when we’d go live.

I went on twice a week for years. Each three minute visit was about five hours door to door including preparation. So about 1500-2000 hours of wasted time because I couldn’t say “No”.

Here’s the only thing I learned about news TV. “All we are trying to do is fill the space between commercials,” one major news producer told me.


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I said “No” to something this week.

I started taking DJ classes a few weeks ago. I really wanted to learn.

But then I thought of the 5/25 rule that Warren Buffett talks about.

What are the top 25 things you want to do in life?

DJ-ing, believe it or not, is IN my top 25. I love the music.

Warren Buffett then says, “now take the top 5 and separate it from the bottom 20. And never look at the bottom 20 again.

Because you love those 20. But it’s BECAUSE you love them that they will always distract from the top 5 that you SUPER love.

I super love Writing. Podcasting. Comedy. My family. And the remaining businesses that I’m still involved in.

My top 5.

That’s all I want to say “yes” to. So I said “no” to the classes.


I said “yes” to a girl once when I was much younger. It took me years and scars all over me to finally say “no” to her.

I said “yes” to being on a board of directors once because of greed and money. The business failed and the lawsuit has finally ended after years.

I said “yes” to buying a house. Twice. I lost everything on those.

I said “yes” to 5000 coffees to just “meet and greet”. 4950 of them I wish I had stayed home and read and written.

I said “yes” to a publisher to writing a book I didn’t want to write. I was flattered to be asked so I did it. That book sold 300 copies and took a year out of my life.

“Yes” steals years of your life. You never get them back. “No” adds years.

This moment I have 248,433 unread emails. I’ve started saying “no” to emails.

I don’t read the newspaper. I don’t vote. I don’t rent (I just Airbnb). I don’t pay any bills (since Airbnb is my only bill). I don’t spend time with toxic people.

I don’t have health insurance (too complicated to figure out). I don’t go to weddings. I don’t really speak at many conferences.

Over the years I said yes to buying many things. Books, art, games, collectibles, sheets, furniture, on and on. I wasted Yesses.

I finally said no to all the things. I cleaned out. I don’t want my children to have to inherit a bad “yes”.

I have no regrets. Because everything I said “yes” to turned out to be a lesson about “no”.

“No” is how you whittle down and sculpt yourself into a work of art. “Yes” is how burn up and burn out.

Do I want to hit publish on this post?

Yes.

What’s your 5/25? Comment Below…

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Ep. 179: Steven Kotler: Tomorrowland: The Future is Rich (in Possibility)

 

Beautiful women with laser boobs. If you asked me “What’s Playboy’s future,” that would’ve been my guess.

But then I spoke to Steven Kotler.

I asked him, “When are we going to start 3D printing houses and cars?”

This was 7 or 8 months ago. But I was too late.

China 3-D printed ten homes in two days. And they were cheap. $5,000 a home. Then they 3-D printed a mansion. And a five-story apartment complex.

The future is rich in possibility.

“We’re here,” Steven said. “It is really really real.”

“Today, for the very first time in history, pretty much anyone can have a global impact,” Steven said on today’s podcast.

So I asked him, “If I’m sitting in my cubicle or I’m driving to work and I’m listening to this, how can I improve my life?”

He told me about a woman in her 30s who graduated from Harvard, lived with her parents and couldn’t get a job.

So she disrupted the $256 million a year cosmetics industry.

She combined a standard inkjet carton with a 3-D printer. With bio-degradable ink, she can print any type of makeup in any color.

Then Steven told me how we’re colonizing space.

“One of the reasons we’re not in space yet is because it costs $10,000 a pound to get something out of Earth’s gravity well. It’s really expensive. We need to be able to print in space.”

“My next book,” Steven said, “not the one I’m writing now, but the one after that will be about the 4 enormous exoduses that are happening in this century. One is in virtual reality. Another is gonna be in space.”

“What’s the other two?”

“One is gonna be climate change migrations.”

“Meaning we’re leaving earth?”

“I don’t think we’re leaving Earth.”

“What’s the fourth exodus?

“I actually think the fourth is into our own subconscious… in our own mind,” he said.”

He called them “interior states of consciousness” or “inner-space.”


Steven wrote some of my favorite books, including “Bold: How to Go Big, Create Wealth and Impact the World,” which is also byPeter Diamandis, the Chairman and CEO of the X PRIZE Foundation.

Bill Clinton said it’s, “A visionary roadmap for people who believe they can change the world.”

Steven also wrote Tomorrowland, which shows you all the ways science fiction is coming to life. So far no laser boobs. But anything is possible.


Listen and subscribe here

Resources & Links

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Death of a Middleman

My friend asked, do you know a good agent?

I thought of my last book agent. We had gone to college together. We had done four book deals together. We had made a lot of money for each other.

Then I fired him…

I told my friend why.

Here’s what my middleman did:

After I had given him 4 layups in a row (I got the book deal, he made the contract and took his 15% cut), I gave him one book proposal where I didn’t have a deal all ready for him.

This time I needed his help finding a publisher. I needed him to do his job.

We got rejected by 10 publishers. Deservedly, I might add.

One editor, in particular, was perfect for the project. I had researched all of her books and I knew I fit right in. I had done my homework and I was impressed by this editor (and I still love you HH).

I called my agent, Dan, and I asked him, why did this editor reject the book? We are perfect for her!

He said, I don’t know.

I said to him, I ran a business for many years and was rejected all the time. But you only get information from failure when you find out why. Take her to lunch and ask her why she rejected us.

He said, OK. We hung up.

But then he must have thought about it because he called me ten minutes later and started yelling at me:

“IF YOU EVER TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB AGAIN, I WILL FIRE YOU AS A CLIENT!”

I got scared. When someone yells at me I am like a deer in headlights. We got off the phone.

I called the editor myself and explained why my book fit right in with her other authors.

She gave me her notes on the book “It feels like you read Wikipedia and wrote a book proposal”.

I rewrote the proposal and sent it back to her. She bought the book idea straight from me ($60,000 advance) I wrote and published the book through her and her major publishing company.

I’m still friends with her. (Hi HH!)

I never wrote to the agent again, even thought he wrote me many emails afterwards (“why aren’t you responding to me?”)

I ran into the agent in a bookstore many years later. He was with his wife and kids. (Awkward!)

I said hi and walked away. He came up to me when I was on line at the bookstore cafe and said, you know, you never wrote me back. That was very unprofessional.

You’re right, I said. I’m sorry.

No, seriously. That was the most unprofessional thing I had ever seen.

I’m sorry.

The middleman doesn’t deserve an explanation.

The middleman can be an agent, a teacher, a mentor, a boss, a company, a parent, a standardized test, a whoever.

Every day there is a new middleman trying to put their hands on your private parts and squeeze until you give them their imaginary cut on your art, on your soul, on your hard work.

I bought my coffee and sat down and read some books. I kind of was shaking because I don’t like awkward confrontations.

But I still write and publish books. My self-published books have dominated my traditionally published books.

I can’t even remember the agent’s last name despite years of working together so I can’t google him and tell you what he has done since then. Maybe nothing.

To me, that middleman is dead. I am still alive.

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