The 5×5 Rule

Walt Disney was the stupidest person in the room.

So he stood next to his brother Roy (kept Walt positive after their first business went bankrupt). He stood next to Ub Iwerks (he drew a disgusting rodent for Walt).

He stood next to Margaret Winkler (the first person to buy a Disney film: Alice in Wonderland), and Lillian Bounds (who not only named this little rat, “Mickey Mouse” but then married Walt).

You would think this is all Walt needed. Four people. Now he was drawing and selling movies.

But Walt Disney was never in the movie business! The movies were barely breaking even. And it was the middle of The Great Depression.

He had to stand next to the smartest person in the room. A guy named Kay Kamen who took a two day bus ride just to talk to Walt when he first saw Mickey Mouse.

Because the Walt Disney company was not in the movie business, or story business, or theme park business or Snow White business.

Kay Kamen convinced Walt what business he was really in.

The Walt Disney company was in the wrist watch business. In 1935, not even breaking even from movies, they sold 2 million watches.

Kay Kamen convinced Walt Disney to make watches. And toothbrushes. And blankets.

Movies are not about stories. Movies are giant focus groups to see what products will sell.

Because Walt Disney stood next to the smartest person in the room.

Phew! What else can I say about that.

Well, Walt Disney didn’t just sit around reading comic books and fantasies. He was inspired to do something.

Winsor McCay drew Little Nemo and other Disney inspirations in the early 1900s. Walt loved him. The Grimm Brothers obviously influenced Disney.

Disney was a failure by himself. He created what is now the most successful media empire ever because of who he stood next to and what he consumed how it inspired him to do something.

Disney had a choice. He took it.

[ RELATED READING: The 100 Rules for Being an Entrepreneur ]

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I write little Facebook posts on my laptop.

But I was desperate. I hated my job. I hated what I had to do to make money.

I wanted to be creative. I wanted to be free. I wanted to be loved.

And I was out of shape, sick, and gaining weight. And I was bitter and depressed.

I had to change: who I was spending time with, what I was reading, what I was eating, And try to change what I was thinking.

I was in a constant state of panic. And I had nobody to talk to. I wish I had had someone to talk to.

Sometimes nothing feels fair. I felt like I deserved better.

Sometimes I still panic. But I pasted this graphic on the smoky screen inside of my head.

It feels like practice. Maybe one day I will get good.

 

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A Brand New 18-Year-Old Adult I Helped Create

I helped create a brand new 18 year old today. A new adult US citizen. Happy Birthday Josie Altucher.

To be fair, I’m only about 1/4 to 1/3 responsible.

When you were born, I really was scared. You were this new one foot tall human moving into our apartment.

You didn’t speak English and you complained all the time. You went to the bathroom on the floor. You wouldn’t shut up. You were really annoying.

Or…at least…I didn’t know how to deal with it. I used to pretend to get a haircut and just sit outside and read comic books for a few hours. I wasn’t so good.

I thought, maybe when you know how to play games it will be better for me.

We would go to the local cafe and I made up a game. We’d each take a card and then you had to either lie or tell the truth to me: is the card greater or less than 7? And then we each had to guess if the other was lying.

It was fun and we’d play for hours. Then we’d walk over to the abandoned church and look over the Hudson River and you would talk for an hour and I’ve forgotten everything but I promise I was listening.

And then you kept growing up. I didn’t know how it happened. Each week you’d get a little more mature. You had very important things to deal with. You started to find your own path and sometimes it was a bit scary.

About 18 months ago you had to help me deal with something. And you were very mature and I was surprised you even kept a secret.

Since then, you’ve also been writing and I think you’re going to turn into a good writer. We’ll see. Please keep doing it.

Here’s what I don’t care about: grades, achievements, school, and what you want to do for a career.

I’d be just as happy with the Fs as the As. They don’t mean anything ever.

You will change many times. Your friends will change many times. And even if you like me or not will change many times.

Just be a good person. Don’t gossip about people.

Try to be creative every day. Try not to let things bother you so much although I know it’s hard. Try not to take drugs until you are at least in your mid 20s so your neural pathways can finish growing.

They only grow twice: when you are born, and in the first few years after puberty. So don’t mess them up.

And if I’m ever in the gutter with a needle sticking out of my arm, please take it out. That’s the only thing I ask.

Oh, one more thing…hmmm…I guess I don’t know what I was going to just say.

I guess I will always want there to be one more thing.

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A Bad Plan Is Better Than No Plan

Games are like a super power.

Games got me into college, got me into graduate school, got me my first job, raised me money for businesses.

Taught me strategy, taught me how to handle adversity, taught me how to be deceptive.

I was going to do a book: How to Win at Every Game.

I had chess, checkers, Scrabble, backgammon, Monopoly, Hearts, Chinese Checkers, poker, Go, Spades all outlined.

Like in Monopoly, own all the Orange properties. Trust me.

Or Scrabble: just learn the Q without U words (e.g. “QOPF”) and all of the legal 2 letter words (“XI”, “XU”, “ZA”, etc).

I started a hedge fund instead. Maybe later I’ll write the book on games.

Even now, when I need a fresh start, when I’m in despair, when I’m crushed by loneliness, I always get back to Play.

Play gets me into Flow…makes my life better.

It’s estimated that hunter-gatherers “worked” for 12 hours a week. The 12 Hour Workweek. For millions of years.

And the rest of that time was devoted mostly to play. You get better at play to get better at life. They did it to practice all the skills for hunting. For survival.

Only in the past few hundred years we’ve forgotten our evolutionary calling. We’ve erased it and suffered as a result.

We’re stuck in cubicles, factories, planes, texting and squinting at our phones.

Depression, anxiety, and obesity are now at all time highs. By rejecting our genetic calling for games.

People are proud of their 100 hour work weeks. They feel guilty otherwise.

Studying the ways to get better at games are the shortcuts to being better at almost every skill in life.

When I am down and depressed. When I am struggling with an unsure future. When I lose a lot of money or a relationship, I resort to play. Games save me.

Plus….they are fun. Why not have fun as much as possible in the precious little time we have here?

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Ep. 215: Steven Kotler – How You Can Step Outside Yourself and “Do The Impossible” Again and Again

Imagine going on a swing as high as you can. Then going higher. Then going so high you loop around.

I get scared thinking about it.

Sergey Brin, the founder of Google, did it the first time he tried. Steven Kotler and Jamie Wheal were training people at Google how to get into the state of FLOW. Sergey volunteered.

What is Flow? The state where your brain and body loses all sense of time and you retreat into this perfect area of creativity and productivity.

A state where Steven and Jamie have spent years trying to hack and re-create at will. And this is what they’ve done.

I was talking to Steven Kotler, who’s been on my podcast a few times and Jamie Wheal. They co-authored “Stealing Fire: How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs, and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work.”

It’s sort of a sequel to “The Rise of Superman” all about “flow” in action sports.

Steven said. “It’s the moments of total absorption where you get so focussed on the task at hand that everything else just disappears, action and awareness merge, your sense of self disappears, time passes very strangely and all aspects of performance, mental and physical, go through the roof.”

But when I read it I thought, “Where are the chess players?” Where are the creatives?

Programmers get into flow. Musicians, athletes, artists, all sorts of people get into flow.

The question was “how?” I am selfish. I wanted to know for myself: HOW?

So I read “Stealing Fire.” It’s about all the ways you can get into flow and other “optimal states of consciousness.” It teaches you how to step outside yourself, have a 500% increase in your performance, functionality, creativity and have satisfaction.

I had to find out, what are the triggers to get into flow?

They said “risk.”

“Life or death?” I asked.

“You need risk, but it’s definitely not physical risk,” Steven said. “The brain can’t tell the difference between social fear and physical fear.”

Steven and Jamie figured this out when they went to Google to experiment on Sergey Brin’s brain (Google’s CEO and founder). They built a swing that loops 360 degrees around and covered him in EEG sensors. You’d have to pump your legs and use all your strength to gain the physical and mental momentum to go in a full circle.

“My ten year old daughter crushed it,” Jamie said. “She did 35 loops in 60 seconds, which is nudging the world record.”

Only a few people actually made it all the way around. Sergey’s one of them.

It takes intense focus. You have to overcome your fear and stay in the moment. You have to use risk to your advantage.

“Anything that drives attention to the current moment drives flow,” Steven said.

It’s not just swings. It’s not just “smart drugs” or “extreme sports”.

On the podcast, Steven and Jamie give a range of techniques and ideas for how to get into flow.

I want in. I want in ALL of the time.

They have a quiz on their website (flowgenomeproject.com) that tells you your “flow profile.” Over 50,000 people have taken it.

On the first company I started I once disappeared into my office and programmed for about 24 hours straight. Completing a month’s project in one day’s time.

We kept that client for life, even when we sold the company.

Flow not only feels good, creates increased productivity and brain function, it’s also a key skill to compete.

I hope I can get back to that state again. Today.  

Links and Resources:

• Read their latest book, “Stealing Fire: How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs, and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work” by Steven Kotler and Jamie Wheal
• Find out your flow profile at FlowGenomeProject.com
• More books by Steven:
  • “Abundance: The Future Is Better Than You Think” by Steven Kotler and Peter H. Diamandis
  • “Bold: How to Go Big, Create Wealth and Impact the World” by Steven Kotler and Peter H. Diamandis
  • “Tomorrowland: Our Journey from Science Fiction to Science Fact” by Steven Kotler
  • New York Times bestselling book “The Rise of Superman: Decoding the Science of Ultimate Human Performance” by Steven Kotler
• Visit Steven’s website
• Follow Steven on Facebook + Twitter
• Follow Jamie Wheal on Facebook

Also mentioned:

• “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi 
• “Emotional Egility” by Susan David
• Listen to my other interviews with Steven Kotler
  • Ep. 179: Steven Kotler: Tomorrowland: The Future is Rich (in Possibility) 
  • Ep. 118 – Tomorrowland: No Matter How Hard You Try You Can’t Get Out Of Its Way
• The Muse EEG headband 

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The Only Two Choices You Have In Life

“I was six years old when I watched my dad executed on national TV”, Tim told me. “He was on death row.”

I had given a talk the day before. During the talk I had described in detail the various ways one could kill themselves.

I said, “If you point a gun at your head you’ll just blow out your eyes and the side of your face,”

I paused, “That wouldn’t be good,” And everyone laughed.

Because uncomfortable subjects are funny when you resolve the tension.

They exhale.

How come he was executed on death row, I asked Tim when he came up to me the next day.

He wanted to tell me how much he enjoyed the talk. He hit his heart. I felt it right here, he told me. Which made me feel good.

And then he told me about his dad. “He killed six families in a steak house and then another family by the road.”

Tim’s father and mother tried to rob the steakhouse. They didn’t get away with it. And many people died.

“I was in and out of 14 foster homes growing up. Everything bad you can possible imagine in a foster home, happened to me”, he said.

It was horrible. By the time I was 17 I kept wondering what the point of this horrible life was.

And at six, my dad was this nationally disgraced serial killer. My foster parents made me watch the execution. And my mom is in jail for 35 years as an accomplice.

She says she never pulled the trigger. She says my dad made her do it or, he told her, “He would kill us kids.”

Tim was telling me the story and I was trying to figure out which side of the coin he landed on.

When something bad happens we have two choices to get rid of the stress and pain.

CHOICE #1: 

We can say, “Well life sucks. So why should I contribute. It’s just all horrible and it’s not my fault so screw it.”

CHOICE #2:

Or we can say, “I’m going to do something positive.” I’m going to replace the negative with a positive. I won’t let the dark side win.

“Why are you here at this show?” I asked him. “What are you up to?”

He told me: When I was 17, I was doing construction. I had no other skills. I wasn’t going to school. I was a nothing. I just was upset and bitter all the time.

The guy I was working for told me to go to this veterans meeting with him. So I went.

The veterans had seen the worst things you can see. They had done the worst things you can see. I told them my story and they laughed at me.

Listen, you think you are at the bottom. Your bottom is better than 95% of the rest of the world.

Tim said other things. I’ll interpret it:

It’s not who you are, it’s who you are with and what you do for them.

So Tim started working on real estate projects where in exchange for helping with his construction abilities, he would take part ownership (50-50 in most cases) of the real estate.

“I have millions of dollars in real estate now,” he told me, “and everyone I partnered with is a wealthy businessmen so I also spent a lot of time connecting people up.”

You don’t have to be in the middle, Tim said. Just introduce good people to each other. If two people are good and you are the reason that even more good happens in the world, then you will benefit.

“I visited my mom and I told her this,” he said.

He said: I told her I don’t know what the truth is. I told her I don’t know if you pulled the trigger or not. I told her I don’t blame her for any of the bad that happened in my life.

I told her the key to my life now is that I try to help everyone I come into contact with. That I made a choice to be the best person I could be and turn all the bad things into something positive.

It was my choice. Nobody else’s.

In prison, a son can stay over. So I stayed over and got to know my mom. My mom hugged me for hours. She was crying.

Tim put his right arm over his left shoulder while he was telling me this. Almost like he was hugging himself.

All of the kids would beat me up every day when I was young, he said. I was the son of a serial killer.

But I’m not anymore.

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Characteristics of a Good Listener

EXTREME LISTENING

I was at a dinner and someone told me, “if you are even thinking of a response while someone is talking, then you aren’t really listening.”

This guy seemed smarter than me. And he seemed like a nice person. But this advice is not true.

I thought about it a lot afterwards. For a long time I felt ashamed. I thought he was right and it must mean I am never a good listener.

Because I find that I get curious all the time while people are talking, so I want to ask my question or else I’ll get lost in the mess of words that comes after.

I don’t want to be the idiot that just nods his head, hoping people will like him. But if I don’t get to ask when I’m curious, then I’ll never be able to properly listen.

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I get really nervous before any interview that I do. And I interview many people and I’ve been interviewed many times.

I’ve done about 200 podcasts where I’ve interviewed heroes of mine. People I would be afraid to go up to and talk to because I’m intimidated by them.

I’ve also been interviewed by hundreds of podcasts, newspapers, blogs.

And because I want to get better, I listen to a lot of the best interviewers out there.

And even more importantly, I’ve been to a lot of couple’s therapy.

Which means I’ve started off really bad at listening and hopefully I’ve gotten better.

Oh! Maybe most important: I have two children. They require constant attention. If I don’t listen to them, then the day is “RUINED! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!”

I practice what I call EXTREME LISTENING:

When someone is talking, these are some of the things I am thinking about:

– Why are they telling me this story?

If someone is telling me how they paid off their student loans before they became a famous actor, are they insecure that people think they didn’t have it hard before their success?

And if they are insecure, why?

– What are the spaces?

“And after my divorce I moved into a smaller apartment…”

Wait a second. Why did you get a divorce? What happened? This might be critical for how you developed relationships afterwards.

– What are they telling me that doesn’t matter?

People can go on and on about little details in their childhood. Sometimes it matters. Usually it doesn’t. People like to talk. And other people are afraid to interrupt.

Let’s get to the point!

– When are they skipping facts because it’s too easy for them/ How?

It’s really hard to interview athletes. Because their bodies do the talking for them. They are honed machines that act before they think. So often they don’t have the words to describe what they do.

So I can either nod and listen to their achievements. Or really try to get them to break down what they do to achieve such success. This happens not just in sports but with any people who have been successful a long time.

They forget the initial language of success.

– Do they ever contradict themselves?

It’s ok if they do. One person told me honesty is the only way he lives his life. But then he says he cheated on his wife because he wanted to be honest about his feelings to the other person.

Well: is this honest or not? I want to know!

– Do they ever not answer the question?

Rule of life: if someone doesn’t answer the question, then they are lying.

Example: “Where were you last night?” “Oh, I was out with friends.”

Notice that the “where” was not answered.

Listening is important to determine if someone is lying.

– Tone

Do they smile when talking to you? Are they facing you? Are they looking around while talking? Are they trying to figure something out in their head which means you might be touching an important issue. Do they appear annoyed, in which case you should back up and try again later?

– Repeat what you’ve learned.

When I talk to someone I like to break it down (for myself) into concise things I’ve learned from their experience. This is not just in interviews but in many situations. Why not learn while I can?

So I often summarize what I’ve learned.

This gives them a chance to correct. And also to appreciate how hard I’ve been listening.

People like to be heard. And I like to listen.

And listening is the only way a baby ever learns the languages of life around it.

By the way, I have to do A LOT of listening on my podcast, and sometimes I’m not that good at it…but, subscribe here so you don’t miss an episode. 

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If you enjoyed this post, you might also like this one: “Why You Absolutely Must Do A Podcast“

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Ep. 214: Cass Sunstein – The World According to Star Wars

I want to be a Jedi Knight. The idea of surrendering to some “force” greater than oneself. The idea of being in touch with some essence that can bring out my full potential in way that I could never possibly understand.

When Cass Sunstein, genius economist (author of “Nudge“, 40 other books, does Nobel-prize level research) wrote “The World According to Star Wars“, I knew I had to talk to him.

I reached out to everyone I knew, found a way to get ahold of Cass, who wasn’t doing any interviews on the book, and managed to book some  time with him.

I’ve written many times before about the effect Star Wars has had on my life.

But I was also interested in the phenomenon of Star Wars, a topic Cass writes about. In particular, why was it a hit?

George Lucas is the living breathing manifestation of “idea sex”. He takes concepts that worked in the past, meshes them together, and knows the combination will work.

For example: think of a blonde-haired young man who has to reluctantly save the world from an evil galactic empire, uses laser powered swords and blasters, and meets a beautiful princess along the way.

If you think “Flash Gordon” you’d be right. What you might not know is that George Lucas tried to buy the rights to the old TV serial “Flash Gordon”. He wanted to make the movie. He was rejected so he made Star Wars.

Or you might think Joseph’s Campbell’s “The Hero With a Thousand Faces”, which George Lucas studied religiously before writing the script to Star Wars.

Or you might think…any of a dozen influences George Lucas had and meshed together. His idea: to take the familiar, provide his own twists, and release. If the old influences were hits and he just changed one aspect (make a Western a Space Opera) there’s a good chance he would have a hit.

Cass Sunstein explores: what makes a hit? What makes a failure? What makes something a hit after it’s been dead for years (example: Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick” didn’t sell at all while he was alive and is now considered one of the best-written books of all time).

This is a topic I am obsessed with. Combine that with the topic of “Star Wars” and now Cass Sunstein has written a book I am obsessed with.

We found a room to hide in and we spent the next hour laughing and swapping notes on the relevancy of The Force in today’s world. We didn’t talk economics, world history, behavioral psychology or any of the topics he is one of the best experts in the world in:

We talked about what makes stories go viral. We talked about how much we enjoyed this cultural hit that changed generations.

We were two kids talking about our favorite movie.

Links and Resources:

• Read The New York Times bestseller, “The World According to Star Wars” by Cass Sunstein
• Read The New York Times bestseller, “Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness” by Cass Sunstein
• Follow him on Facebook + Twitter

Also mentioned:

• John Keats
• Jane Austen
• William Blake
• Cass said, “Awake” is possibly the best TV show… ever.
• Harry Potter
• American Graffiti

 

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The Hardest Thing About Writing a Book

All my life I wanted to write a book. At first I wrote four books that agents and publishers all rejected.

I thought the hard part was getting a book accepted. Having someone like me.

But this wasn’t the hard part at all. Anyone who is persistent will get that part done.

These were the hard parts. So hard it’s probably cost me years of my life and definitely much happiness.

But I survived. And you can also. Awareness is the key.

A) SITTING

Writing is boring. It’s unnatural. It’s basically sitting and staring at a scream and typing into a keyboard.

Three activities that our ancient ancestors for hundreds of thousands of years never did. We did not evolve in order to write books.

We evolved to notice very quickly a rustling in the bushes, the smell of prey or predator, the smile and body language of a potential mate. We evolved to move and to adapt to unusual conditions and to learn and to do all of the things necessary for survival.

We even evolved (at least homo sapiens did) to play music. Because rhythm and melody became the first way we communicated over long distances.

But we didn’t evolve to write. Only in the past 2,000 years (and really only the past 200) our of 2,000,000 for hominids, has writing become something we do.

B) NO DISTRACTIONS

Because of the above, I always had to create an environment of zero distractions.

For my very first book, my family went to stay with my in-laws and I spent two weeks locked in my house and did nothing but write.

I turned off Internet, no TV, nothing. Just wrote. This was very hard. I’m too used to being distracted. It’s natural to be distracted.

For one of my recent books I rented a place in the mountains, had a ton of food delivered, no Internet access, and wrote non-stop for two weeks.

For another book, I went on a silent retreat. No talking at all. I had a tiny dorm room and a bed and a shared bathroom. Nobody in the facility could speak. I spent a week there and even had one day where I wrote over 30,000 words.

[ Related reading: How to Self-Publish a Bestseller: Publishing 3.0 ]

C) STORY

Everything has a story.

Fiction, non-fiction, self-help, even a good tweet.

A story is a reluctant hero who gets inspired. Obstacles along the way until the FINAL CONFLICT. And then the journey home. A hero.

There’s many variations on that. Just like there’s variations on how to make a good cake. But the basic rules are followed.

Else it won’t read well. It will be like an academic science paper.

D) BOOK-SPECIFIC STUFF

This is a post about books and not writing in general so there are other book-specific items that a writer can’t ignore.

A book is not just the 40–80,000 words in the middle.

A book is a cover. A back-cover. Two flaps. And an interior.

All of these parts require a professional designer. At least two (one for cover, one for interior). People judge a book by the cover and the readability. Else they won’t buy it.

A book requires an editor. It’s hard to be both writer and editor. An edit gives ideas on how to improve structure, how to improve coherence, and then probably a separate editor for line-by-line grammar and spelling.

A book requires an audiobook. Audiobooks sell. Don’t ignore them. This requires a studio, a producer for when you are in studio, and an audio engineer to clean it up. Then it requires Audible.

A book requires marketing. This might mean agent / editor / publisher or it might mean you do it yourself. Doing the marketing yourself (or with a publisher) requires you build a social media platform, share lots of content for free, come up with ideas for promotions, etc.

Book marketing doesn’t end in the first month, or the second month. If you have a good book, you never stop marketing it. I am still marketing “Choose Yourself”, which I wrote four years ago.

Many books require a foreign rights agent. And a speaking agent to create the most opportunities for your book.

E) PSYCHOLOGY

Finishing the book, delivering the book, watching the book come out, dealing with both good and bad reviews, requires some self-awareness.

It’s not enough to have self-love. You might get overconfident. You have to have self-awareness of the good points and bad points of your book. And you have to be able to deal with the inevitable highs and lows.

Not every good book get successful. Not every bad book dies a quick death. You finished the book and the outcome is only about 20% in your control.

Dealing with that psychology is painful.

F) THE NEXT BOOK

The hardest part of finishing a book is starting the next book. This is often the most important way to market the first book. How many authors didn’t achieve success until their second or third books?

Many.

When I finished my first book I said to myself, “This was brutal. I am never going to do it again.” But then a few months later I started the second.

When I just finished and released my 18th book, “Reinvent Yourself”, I said to myself (and this was just a month ago), I’m about done with books now for awhile.

I’ve since outlined my 19th, 20th, 21st, and 22nd books.

I’m really doomed.

But I love it more than anything. I love it.

You might also enjoy: My Writing Process, Revealed

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What is the most important factor in being happy?

The other day I woke up angry.

I was remembering all of the people who I felt I did many good things for and now they don’t like me.

I started to list all of the reasons they hate me. I started to think about arguments I would tell them to SHOW them how wrong they are.

Sometimes this takes up the first ten minutes of my day until I stop myself and say “this is unhealthy.”

I try to replace these unhealthy thoughts with at least three positive actions I can take that will help others.

Maybe the only thing I know in life: the more I help people, the more I have to give. It’s like a barrel of infinite water.

I wrote to one friend today and told her how something she said to me about how to create a beautiful work of art really inspired me. I thanked her for that. She told me to “deliberately differentiate.”

I wrote to another friend about how his reconnection with me after so many years really touched me. It reminded me of the many thousands of moments we shared together.

And I wrote to another friend how, despite all our troubles, I was looking at a photograph of us together where she just so happy to be happy that it reminded me of all the special times we had together instead of some of the horrible times later.

We’re all just trying to survive. We all have our insecurities. We can sink in them or try very hard to rise above them.

For a brief moment, despite the sea of fire she and I traveled through and ultimately died in, we were together again. And that made me happy.

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One time I was having a big problem in my life. A problem so big I thought it would kill me and cause my kids to live in agony for the rest of their lives.

And then I ran into some friends of mine in a restaurant. They were playing chess. They invited me to sit and play with them. It was two in the morning and I had been walking around due to anxious insomnia.

We played for an hour and I was happy. I was laughing. We were joking around. We were playing games.

I forgot completely what I was anxious about.

It was not so much the play or the laughter, but the community.

These were my friends. Friends, on and off, for almost 15 years. And here they were at 2 in the morning, and we were enjoying each other’s company.

There was JP. There was Russian Paul. There was SweetPea. There was Falafel. It was like the Justice League of America. Only they were all homeless chess players.

I can’t remember whether I won or lost. I just remember that I loved them. And I loved that moment. And I love thinking about it now. Fifteen years later.

---

Sharing and community makes us a tribe. Makes us human. Makes us happy.

When I give a piece of myself to you, I know that the world has changed. That the world has been made better.

Happiness is not about politics. Or about success. Or about improving my life.

Happiness is about you and me and what we will do together.

You might also like this post: Two Decisions That Can Save You Millions

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This Life Hack is So Easy It’s Trivial…

This life hack is so easy it’s trivial. I am almost embarrassed to share it because it’s so obvious.

And yet so few people do it and this one technique has made me millions of dollars.

That almost sounds scammy: “It’s made me millions of dollars”. What can I say about that? I was dead broke 18 months later. A life hack is not a way to figure out life.

I’ll get to that in a moment.

One time I started a company. I had millions of users and I was profitable. But I wanted to sell the company.

I had a meeting with a guy who was a new CFO of a company I was partnered with.

LIFE HACK:

I googled him in advance. I saw that he went to Grinnell College.

I googled Grinnell College.

I saw that Warren Buffett was on the board of trustees of Grinnell and, because of that, this college I had never heard of before that day, had the best investment return of any college endowment in the country. In the world.

So I sit down with the new CFO and his boss, the CEO. My business was a website related to investing. So investing was part of the topic. The CEO wanted me to meet the CFO so later he could get the CFO’s opinion of me and what to do with my business.

First thing I said, “it’s a pleasure to meet someone from Grinnell.”

The CEO didn’t even know where his CFO had gone to college. He laughed and said, “Why is that?” The CFO also was maybe a bit confused.

I said, “If you want to learn anything about investing at all, forget everything else but Grinnell. They are the best in the world. This is where you can really learn about Warren Buffett’s secret to success because he is the one who guides all of their investment decisions.”

The CFO said, “That’s right.” And he told some stories about how the large Grinnell endowment has helped this tiny school in unexpected ways. The CEO was impressed. The CFO was pleased I made him look good in front of his new boss.

All because I had one rule I still use: I google everyone I meet before I meet them.

I said, “I’m so impressed by this that I wanted to give you a gift.” I had written a book a few years earlier called, “Trade Like Warren Buffett”. He took it and was thumbing through it.

I don’t even remember the rest of the meeting. We talked about Warren Buffett quite a bit. We spoke about another company the CFO had worked at that I had researched and had many friends who had worked there.

And we talked briefly about my company.

Two weeks later the CFO called me and said, “We have to buy your company.” And a few weeks after that they did, for $10 million.

This is a life hack. And I use it every day. I will use it today. I will use it tomorrow.

But life hacks don’t make a life.

Within 18 months of selling that particular company I was broke, once again. And I had to climb back up.

And it was depressing. And I was frustrated I was back in this position since it wasn’t the first time. Or even the second. I built back up and had to learn a lot about my self. Who I was. What I stood for. And its a daily battle.

Having a good life hack can be helpful today. But learning how to hack a good life can be helpful forever.

[ REALTED READING: The Ultimate Cheat Sheet For Investing All of Your Money ]

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How To Identify Your Strengths and Weaknesses

I knew everyone’s secret crush and I wrote them down.

I had a spiral bound notebook with that metal spiral that would poke out and scratch me whenever I carried it. It hurt. But that is the path a hard-core 11 year old journalist / spy must take.

Every day I’d look around and if I saw David looking at Joanna I’d write in my book, “David likes Joanna!” I was 11.

All day long I’d write down what I saw. I’d record conversations I overheard, I’d write down glances two kids would give each other.

Soon everyone realized what I was doing. All the other kids wanted to see what was in my notebook. They’d start screaming at me to let them see. Finally the teacher said, “Let me see that book.” She read it.

“You aren’t allowed to bring this book back into school,” she told me.

Banned and censored for the first time.

---

At age 12 I wanted to be in the newspaper.

I interviewed many politicians. I’d call up Senators, Congressmen, even the President. I interviewed the minority leader of the House. I interviewed the Chief Usher of the White House.

I interviewed Governors. I interviewed Senators.

I pretended to be sick so I’d stay home from school just in case someone called me back.

My parents hated it. Phone calls weren’t cheap then. I ran up a $600 bill one month. Then $1100 the next. My dad yelled at me, “You are owing us back this money!” and he stopped my allowance.

But then the South Brunswick Central Post paid me $150 to run some of the interviews. It wasn’t enough to pay what I owed my parents.

But I didn’t really care about that.

---

Here’s what you do:

Write down the ten things you loved doing when you were six, seven, eight, ten, 12, 14, 18, 22.

I loved:

• Writing
• Chess
• Starting businesses (I was on my fourth failed business by the time I was 27). At a young age I was obsessed with reading about Howard Hughes and the topic of “billionaires”.
• Politics (not the issues so much as the game of it). I loved reading about how elections were won (Hunter S. Thompson’s “Fear & Loathing on the Campaign Trail in ‘72”, Ted White’s “Making of the President” series).
• Investing (I was reading the Wall St Journal every day as a kid even though I knew nothing about the companies the articles were about)
• Computers (I tried to build one and failed).
• Breakdancing (yes).
• The occult (I wanted to learn how to astral project so I can project invisibly out of my body at night and watch girls changing their clothes).
• Psychology (because there were so many stories about sex, I read every pop psychology book I could find. For instance, “Don’t Say Yes When You Want to Say No”.)
• Advice columns. I was obsessed with reading “Dear Abbe” and “Dear Meg” and “Ann Landers” and I read all the books of the compilation of their columns.
• Comic books. I collected everything.

All of these things I loved by the time I was 15.

---

How the Brain Builds Strengths

The brain is always changing. Always forming new connections.

But there are two times in life when the brain forms extra fast connections (sheathed by something called myelin which is sort of like saying myelin creates the paths that are hyper loops in the brain):

A) When you are born. And you need to learn all those good things like eating, walking, etc.

B) When you hit puberty and have to learn all the skills that are necessary to be a productive and successful member of the tribe.

Your strengths are going to plant their seeds during these periods.

---

I was lost and looking for something to do with my life.

So I wrote down the above list to try and figure out what I could do with my life. This was about 15 years ago.

And then I had to figure out: what can I do with these interests now? With each item I figured out how it “aged”.

For instance, with investing, I could read and learn about all the latest investing techniques and perhaps start a business in the sector. I ended up starting five businesses involving investing and writing six books about the topic.

With comic books, I scripted one out, hired someone to draw it. It bombed. But that’s ok. I did it.

With “the occult” I never succeeded in astral projection. But starting when I was 14 it began a life-long journey into Taoism, Buddhism, and meditation. How did this serve me as an adult?

Other than the intangible ways, one of my books “The Power of No”, was published by one of the premium spiritual publishers.

Breakdancing. Hey! It’s how I work out every day. It’s exhausting!

Writing. I’ve now written 18 books. Working on the next and the next. I’d like to try writing a novel. Maybe that will be next. Oh, and if you are at all curious about my writing process, read this. 

Politics. Someone just asked me to run for a particular party for Governor of New York. Fortunately I was smart enough to say “No” (the power of NO!).

Chess. I played for about an hour this morning. Chess has helped me get almost every job or opportunity I’ve ever had. More than any college degree.

And Advice Columns.

Well…I love writing on Quora!

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Ep. 213: AJ Jacobs – Podcasting, Then and NOW

My first podcast is 24 minutes long. It’s just me. No guest. The topic: “Why College Is a Waste of Time.” Then I did one about my book “Choose Yourself.”

One week later, I got 30 minutes with Robert Greene. Then an hour with Tucker Max, an hour with Gary Vaynerchuk, and an hour with AJ Jacobs.

A month later I interviewed Dr. Wayne Dyer. Two months, Arianna Huffington. Six months, Mark Cuban.

I didn’t have an editor or a microphone. Three years later everyone has (or should do!) a podcast.

It connects me with people I never thought possible. Or in AJ Jacobs’ case, it connects people with family they didn’t know existed. That’s the theme of his new podcast, “Twice Removed.”

“The good news is once you realize that everyone is family, you can just choose,” AJ said. “So you’re not stuck. You’ve got the whole world to choose from.”

His first guest was Dan Savage, the sex columnist for “The Village Voice.” In the other room, AJ had a secret guest, a relative 41 degrees removed from Dan.

Along the way, AJ unravels the 41 connections. He had Dan in tears.

“We’re all connected,” AJ said. “People have called genealogy the museum of me. We all see the world through our own lens.”

Here’s what I learned from AJ’s lens…

1. Start with X

When I first started doing an interview podcast my audience size was X. Then I improved the quality and my downloads went to 3X.  In the case of “Twice Removed,” “Start Up” and “Freakonomics” adding production makes it 10X.

“For every minute that makes the air there are hours that don’t,” AJ said. “You can make 18 different shows using the same material.”

The key is to do the best with what you have today. It cost $0 to make “The James Altucher Show.” And I got to do what I never dreamed possible for the first 40 years of my life.

2. Show the truth

The arc of a good story starts with a problem. Luke Skywalker wanted to explore but he couldn’t until his aunt and uncle were killed by stormtroopers. Bruce Wayne’s parents were killed in the first few panels of Batman.

You need a problem to kickstart an otherwise reluctant hero.

“I love to tell my kids about my family’s failures,” AJ said. “Honestly, I think they think I’m total loser.”  

AJ told me about an Emory University study. It showed kids adjust better when they’re told about their family’s failures.

“There’s the narrative of ‘We were always successful’ or ‘We’re always losers.’ Families are oscillating,” AJ said. “You go through times where things are going well and times when it’s total failure. Tell your kids about the struggles your family has undergone and that you emerged ok… that you survived.”

Give yourself permission to have an imperfect life.

3. Surprise Yourself

AJ learned this from a writer at “The Daily Show.” “He talked about how important it is to surprise yourself and make yourself laugh,” AJ said, “which at the time I didn’t really understand.”

So he tested it.

“As you’re writing, take a left turn that your brain didn’t expect.” He does this in “Twice Removed.” And in our interview.

He told me about an experiment he did with his wife. They filmed 24 hours of their day for weeks. Every argument was caught on tape. And they checked it frequently to see who was right.

“It was bad either way,” he said. “Because if I was wrong I looked like an idiot, but if I was right she would just get angrier.”

So they quit that experiment. And he started a new one: “Twice Removed.”

Photo credit: Pamela Sisson

Links and Resources:

• Listen to Twice Removed, AJ’s latest podcast (produced by Gimlet Media) – subscribe here
• Visit his website ajjacobs.com
• Follow AJ on Facebook + Twitter
• Get updates from the show on Facebook + Twitter

Books by AJ Jacobs:

• Read New York Times bestseller “Drop Dead Healthy: One Man’s Humble Quest for Bodily Perfection” 

• Read “The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible“

• Read “The Know-It-All: One Man’s Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World“

• Read “My Life as an Experiment: One Man’s Humble Quest to Improve Himself by Living as a Woman, Becoming George Washington, Telling No Lies, and Other Radical Tests“

Also mentioned:

• “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying” by Carol Leifer
• Listen to my interview with Alex Blumberg, founder of Gimlet Media or my interview with Judy Blume
• “Made to Stick” by Chip Heath
• Listen to my new interview on John Jantsch’s podcast, Duck Tape Marketing
• “Start Up Podcast” (produced by Gimlet Media)
• “Getting There: A Book of Mentors” by Gillian Zoe Segal
• Genie.com
• 23 and me (AJ and I both took this DNA test. That’s how we found out we’re related)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Diversification is a Super Power:

Diversification is a super power… Here’s 10 ways  to diversify your life

Design by: Pamela Sisson

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30 Things I Did Before Turning 30…

1. Got depressed because my dad went broke, lost our home, and went insane. He’d cry all the time, ask me ‘what’s wrong with me?’ and listen to music until he died.
2. Got depressed because the first ten girls I asked out didn’t like me and said no. Two actually ran away before I finished my question. One said “yes” and then the next day told her brother to tell me “no”.
3. Got depressed when my mom hit me because I woke up my dad after his surgery. He made me stand in the middle of the room and not move while she came over and hit me.
4. Got depressed when the first business I started, CollegeCard (a debit card for college students), went out of business after less than a year.
5. Got depressed when I was thrown out of graduate school. The letter cited “lack of maturity”. I had dinner the other day with the professor who wrote the letter. He said that it was Nobel-prize winning economist Herb Simon who said, “why are we letting that guy sit at a desk doing nothing when we could have a student there who is doing something” and I guess he was right.
6. Got depressed when a girl I was in love with went home for a few weeks to her home country and her family found a letter I wrote to her. So they arranged a marriage for her within days and when she came back into town she denied we ever were going out. I called a friend of mine on the phone but was crying so much I couldn’t speak and he couldn’t figure out who I was so he hung up.
7. Got depressed when four novels I wrote didn’t get published by the time I was 26.
8. Got depressed when 50 short stories I wrote and sent out to magazines didn’t get published. All of them got rejected by form letters. Out of the thousands of letters and copies of writings I sent out in my 20s I did not get back one personalized rejection. I worked ten hours a day on writing and nothing came of it in my 20s, with no hope for the future.
9. Got depressed when a TV show I pitched to HBO got rejected after we spent a year shooting a 45 minute pilot. The woman in charge of the decision said, “For material like this you need to either show someone shooting their mother while naked or show your neighbors f***ing.” She is now in charge of HBO Family programming.
10. Got depressed when a 13 year old little girl crushed me in chess. Her name, in fact, is Irina Krush. I was a strong player and had studied for years. She analyzed the game for me and told me where I went wrong on the ninth move. I gave up playing tournament chess then.
11. Got depressed when Amy chose another guy over me. I really fell hard for her. She married him and has a kid. I ran into her a few years ago. I still fell hard for her.
12. Got depressed when I liked this girl, Jaimie, and she liked me, but I was always so nervous and intimidated by her that I couldn’t “perform”. One night she literally kicked me until I fell out of the bed and she told me to get out. So that was that.
13. Got depressed when I moved into my first apartment by myself. I had only one foam mattress and it was hot and I had a fever and all my sweat soaked thoroughly into the mattress. When I woke up in feverish pain in the middle of the night on top of my sweat-soaked mattress I was covered by roaches.
14. Got depressed when I entered a contest for writing a “3 Day Novel”. I finished the novel and I called my girlfriend at the time. I wanted to get together. She said, “I thought we were taking a break”. And that was that.
15. Got depressed when I quit my job because I thought my business was going to take off and on the first day full time at my business our largest client cancelled us.
16. Got depressed when I jumped off my bed, pretending to be Superman, and I broke my toe and had to wear a cast. Then I had to start a new school as a first grader and I was “that kid” limping with the cast.
17. Got depressed when I was ten years old and I was caught stealing football cards at the local toy store. They turned my coat upside down and packs of cards came out. They said, “is that it?” and I said yes. They shook more. More packs came out. “IS THAT IT?” “Yes”. They shook more. More packs…And so on.
18. Got depressed when ten minutes later they found my grandparents and asked them to come to the back of the store. The look my grandmother gave me.
19. Got depressed when I was 16 and I had so much acne and so many cysts you could barely see my face. I’d hear girls talking about me and looking at me and then look away when I looked. One guy, Yung Shin, told me: just try and smile a lot.
20. Got depressed because cysts are purple.
21. Got depressed when I cut school because I was so embarrassed of how I looked. I went into NYC and got mugged and my backpack was stolen from me and a bunch of books I wanted to read that day. Later: my mom asking me, “where is your backpack?” and I had no answer.
22. Got depressed when I was eight and my dad convinced me to donate all my games to charity and he would give me his tax write-off. I didn’t even know what a tax write-off was but I thought it was a lot of money. I gave him about 20 games (Monopoly, Chutes & Ladders, Trouble, etc). About six months later he gave me a dollar.
23. Got depressed the first semester of graduate school when I failed ALL of my courses. Up until then I thought I was smart. But at that moment I knew for the rest of my life I would have to fake it.
24. Got depressed when we moved to a new town when I was five. My new friends thought it would be fun to hold my hand on top of a burning barbecue for as long as possible. We moved a month or so after that.
25. Got depressed when I was unhappy in a relationship but we were living together and both of us too poor to move out. So I stayed at work and played online chess all of the time. At least 20 hours a day. And she would be upset at me and bang on my office door but I would lock it and pretend I wasn’t there.
26. Got depressed when she cheated on me. But I deserved it.
27. Got depressed when my college girlfriend and I took Kung-Fu class Freshman year of college and she beat the shit out of me.
28. Got depressed when I started a brand new job in NYC and my dad bought me a suit and I was walking to work from the bus station when the woman standing two feet to my right was run over and killed by a taxicab that came up onto the sidewalk. I was depressed but it was worse for her.
29. Got depressed on my very first memory. I was in some sort of big crib even though I was too old for cribs. I was screaming. It was early in the morning. Eventually my grandmother lifted me out of the crib so I could play. I don’t think I have another memory until at least a year after that.
30. Was very happy the first time I was kissed. It felt like liquid electricity massaging all of the blood in my body.

And this was as bad as it got. Not so bad.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the luckiest person alive.

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The Most Important Choice You Can Make

“Oh, I forget, you don’t even know. I have terminal Stage 4 Cancer,” he said.

My friend had popped up on my text just a few hours before this. “You around later?”

Sure.

We hadn’t seen or spoke to each other in 18 years.

It’s because I hold grudges. 18 years ago I got upset at him about something that now seems really unimportant. So I stopped talking to him for 18 years.

When his text popped up I figured, why not? I also figured I’d apologize to him.

He came over. He had once built a coffee shop so I had gourmet coffee delivered. We used to hang out with each other five days a week when we both moved into the city back in 1994. Around 1999 was when I last saw him.

“What!?”

Yeah, I got diagnosed seven years ago. Thyroid cancer. They removed it. But then three years ago it had spread to everywhere else in my body and they gave me basically no time at all to live.

You seem good, though!

I’m on this clinical trial. And so far, so good.

BUT, he said, 100% of people eventually develop resistance to this drug at some point. Usually 18 months, he said. I’m at 24 months now.

And then it’s a death sentence, he said.

I didn’t really know what to say. I knew nothing about his life now. Was he going to die? And now I felt really bad for holding a grudge against him all of these years.

So…I said…what’s up?

I’m happier now than ever, he said.

I don’t do ANYTHING I don’t want to do, he said.

One thing I realized, he said: Relationships are the ONLY important thing in the world.

Be with people you like. Don’t be around people you don’t like. At any moment in the day I am exactly where I want to be and with who I want to be.

And. he said, because of this, I am always happy. I know that every day I will be doing the things I want to do.

And what else is there for me to worry about? I don’t care about any potential accomplishments, or goals, or anything artificial.

Relationships are important. Time is important.

And my happiness is 100% a choice.

I was thinking about this. He described all the stages of cancer and how he went through each one. He described how cancer cells work.

I didn’t know any of these things.

I didn’t really know what to say. He did seem really happy and he was joking around and laughing and we were recalling some old times.

Do you say, I’m sorry, to someone who seems really happy?

I said, when you walk around do you think about worries, or conversations you had with people, or any anxieties you might have, or death?

None of that.

Do you think about nothing? I said.

I always think I live a life where I do what I choose. I find the the uncertainty in life breeds anxiety and seeks out worry in the brain. For me, he said, I KNOW I’m going to die. I’m certain.

“The cure will eventually run out. There’s no way I can outrace it.”

I’ll tell you what I notice now that I never used to notice, he said.

I listened. I tried to imagine what I would notice if in his situation.

When I’m walking around, he said.

I notice the rain hitting my face.

---

In 1996 we were debating something. We were always debating something. I think this time we were debating whether an idea for a TV show would be good or not.

Or we were debating what it takes to succeed in the world.

Or we were debating politics. He always said, “I don’t disagree BUT…” and I always hated that. Passive way to disagree!

That was in 1996. He tipped the waitress over 100% and watched her walk away.

“I think I’m in love with her,” he said. And he had hope that maybe that love would one day be returned.

That was then.

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If You Only Aim For Perfection Then…

What are 5 things about yourself that you would change to make yourself perfect?

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Perfectionism:

My dad would hit me if I brought home a report card with one B. And even worse, I was a bad student.

It’s almost a cliche to say that “perfectionism is the enemy of perfect”. Particularly in a post about being perfect.

Because it’s true. If you only aim for perfection then you won’t take enough risks.

Risks are the cracks in your life where knowledge and experience can seep through and infection you.

And I hate to admit it about myself but when I love something, I want it to be perfect. When I throw my all into something, I want to win all the time.

But that’s just a set up for disappointment. I try very hard to go with the flow a bit more. Try my best and give up control over the results.

But it’s a practice and I’m working on it.

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DON’T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK

Most of the time I don’t care. But then…sometimes I do. Last night I went on a podcast at the Comedy Cellar in NY. I had never been on their podcast before. I was afraid the other guests would judge me depending on how funny I was or not.

It’s hard to “be yourself” in every situation.

You know why? I suspect there is no such thing as “my self”. Depending on mood, chemicals, life circumstance, etc “myself” changes every day.

We can only do our best here. And even that is hard to do. There’s no recipe for authenticity.

I just try to be honest and say what’s on my mind without hurting anyone.

[ Related: How To Be The LUCKIEST GUY ON THE PLANET in 4 Easy Steps ]

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FOLLOW UP

I am horrible at follow up.

This is how bad I am. I was asked to speak at the “Airbnb Open”. 15,000 people were there. I spoke.

It was fun. I went on stage with 100% of the things I own and I said, “Ok, I just moved to this stage. This is where I live.” Everyone laughed and that’s how it started.

Afterwards one of the FOUNDERS of Airbnb wrote me to thank me and said, “stop by next time you are in town.”

Guess what?

I didn’t write back!

(moving onto the Airbnb stage with all of my belongings)

And this is normal for me. I am so bad at following up. This happens every day of my life. And then people get upset at me and forget about me and so on.

If I was just a tiny bit better at follow-up over the past 20 years my “network” would be 100x bigger. And it’s already pretty big.

The good news is this: I realized that if I follow up even years later, 90% of the time people are even more surprised and happy than if I followed up right away.

Or maybe this is just wishful thinking.

In any case, I wish I were better at this.

[ See Also: How Minimalism Brought Me Freedom And Joy ]

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LEARNING

I read a lot. I love to read. I read non-fiction, biographies, literary fiction, thriller fiction, and books about games.

Almost every day I read a little bit from all of the above.

And I’m blessed in that I have a podcast. So if I get confused on a book, I can call up the author and say, “come on my podcast” and I get to ask all the questions I wanted.

But then I forget. My memory has gotten worse with age. I thought I was coming down with early-onset Alzheimers.

One time I read a book and wrote my podcast producer and said, “Let’s have this guy on the podcast! He wrote a great book.”

And she wrote back: “James! You already read the book. He already came on the podcast! And we released it a month ago.”

Well…never mind then.

So I asked Stephen Dubner, who wrote Freakonomics, how much he remembers when he reads a book. He reads 100s of books per year to research his own books and podcasts.

I thought he would say 50%.

He said, “maybe 1%”

Phew!

So here’s the key:

• Read the book
• Talk about it with peers. For me I also try to write “10 things I learned from X”. I do this on books, podcasts, people I meet, and even songs I like. Anything.
• Teach what I learned. Maybe in a talk. Maybe by living it. Maybe by writing it. I try to do all of the above.

Unless you pour your life into a piece of knowledge, you will never drink fully from it.

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BEING A GOOD FATHER

I am ok at it. Ok enough that I know my kids love me and learn from me and I think I am a positive in their life.

But somehow when I think about it, I feel a little bit sad. Like I can be doing more.

And I try. But I don’t know…I could try harder.

It’s such an important job, to hand off to the world better adults than I was. That’s how the world can get better.

That’s the compound interest of the planet.

Ok, I’m going to call my kids right now.

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Reading is a good guide to what makes a good day…

What 10 books would you recommend for an adult who hasn’t accomplished anything yet but wants to start trying to live a successful life?

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When I was a kid, at least 10 girls rejected me because of ugliness when I asked them out.

I was also caught shoplifting by the police and had to go to court.

My parents occasionally hit me. And I don’t think they did the wrong thing.

And then I was an adult. I SURVIVED.

Had I accomplished anything? Yes. I survived childhood.

Since then, I’ve changed careers 15 times. I’ve changed entirely my sets of friends. I have very good friends. I always hope to keep meeting new people.

I’ve started 20 businesses, failed at 17. Written 18 books. 12 of them were horrible. 2 of them were ok. Four of them were good I think. I hope.

I’ve made and lost millions. And then made and lost millions. It was horrible. I wanted to kill myself.

I googled more than once, “How can I kill myself without anyone knowing.”

I was so depressed I would stay in bed 23 hours a day. No medicine would help. I didn’t know what to do.

Reading is a good guide to what makes a good day.

Here are some books that are my go-to books if I need that extra shot of knowledge, wisdom, experience, help, and finally, HOPE.

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“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl

He was in Auschwitz. His friends and family were dying all around
him. He was tortured both physically and psychologically.

But he found the vein of meaning deep inside of him to keep going. And not only to keep going, to actually hope, and be excited about a future he didn’t even know if he would live for.

Read that one book alone. Read it over and over.

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“Tools of the Titans” by Tim Ferriss

It only came out recently. I had so many questions about it that I flew to California and interviewed him about it for my podcast.

It’s the collection of all the knowledge and wisdom he gained from the 100s of people he interviewed.

I leave it out on my floor and read a page or two whenever I pass it.

It’s already filled with 100s of my notes (see below). It’s maybe the one physical book I keep around. The rest, including my own books, I keep on my kindle.

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“Tiny Beautiful Things” by Cheryl Strayed

Cheryl had an advice column called “Dear Sugar”.

I was reading the column long before Oprah recommended “Wild” by Cheryl and then Wild became a movie and “Tiny Beautiful Things” (the collection of her advice column) became a book.

She is so wise and compassionate. A modern saint. I used to do Q&A sessions on Twitter. I’d read her book beforehand to get inspiration about what true advice is.

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“Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah” by Richard Bach, author of “Jonathan Livingston Seagull”

What would a messiah be like if he lived now. Would he care about politics? Would he care about the constant things people scream about on social media?

Or would he care about peace in the heart. And peace in our every day activities. And beauty. And being calm. And trusting the universe around us.

I go with the latter and so does this book.

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“Antifragile” by Nassim Taleb

You ask about success.

To be successful you have to avoid being “fragile” – the idea that if something hurts you, you let collapse completely.

You also have to avoid simply being resilient. Bouncing back is not enough.

Antifragile is when something tries to hurt you and you come back stronger. That is real life business. That is real life success.

Nassim focuses on the economy. But when I read the book I kept asking myself, “how can I apply this to the areas of my life where I feel most fragile?”

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“The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer.

Michael moved to an empty patch of forest, set up his trailer, and started to meditate in the early 70s.

He surrendered to whatever happened in his life.

Well…what ended up happening is that he created a multi-billion dollar company.

His book is about the spiritual beauty of surrender. And how that can go hand in hand with financial success.

I was so astonished by the book that I contacted him and flew down to Florida and stayed several days in his “compound” and interviewed him about his success. I re-read the book at least once every few months.

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“The Dip” by Seth Godin.

Meeting Seth is like meeting a modern day sage. He made a lot of money in the 90s when he sold his marketing company, YoYoDyne to Yahoo.

But his books are how I know him. And he came and visited me one day.

We did a podcast. Before it started he stopped anything and asked me, “Would you like some water?” And he went and got his me water.

He is truly graceful and giving and the way to receive is to give. That is the key to his success.

Start with “The Dip”. It’s about how every path in life has it’s up points and it’s down points. It’s a guide to getting through the down points.

This and “Graceful” are not his most well-known books but I think the are starting points for success.

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“The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield

When a writer or an entrepreneur, or a manager, or an employee, or a…whatever…sits down to get to work, he or she is often met by “the resistance”.

The excuses that come up: I can’t do this. I am too old. I don’t have enough money. I’m scared.

“The War of Art” is the guide to getting through that block. The comfort zone is papered up and cemented shut by our excuses.

Learn to blast through that wall. Because on the other side of the comfort zone are all the tools of success.

(visiting Pressfield)

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“Mastery” by Robert Greene

What better way to learn about success then the minute paths taken by 100s or 1000s of successful people.

It feels like Robert takes everyone in history and dissects the exact moments and decisions that led to their great success.

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“Reinvent Yourself” by ME

I don’t like to recommend my own books. It’s egotistical and promotional.

But out of 18 books, this is the one I am most proud of. I did it!

I spoke to 100s of my heroes. I researched 100s more. I wanted to learn how to reinvent myself. So I learned it by talking to and studying many others who have.

Plus documenting my own story of how I’ve tried so hard to reinvent myself. To accomplish something I am proud of. To be someone I hope my daughters can look up to.

That’s really what that book is about.

And these books, this post, is also what it’s about.

This might help you too: The 40 Books That Saved My Life

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