Wednesday, May 30, 2018

The Most Motivating One-Liner Ever…

The choices you make today determine your autobiography tomorrow.


So I gave up.

I threw out all of my belongings.

I didn’t sign any new leases. I didn’t officially live anywhere.

I started moving around in Airbnbs. I had to clean ship. Clean out. Clean up.

People would smile around me and I couldn’t understand how they moved their mouth muscles like that. People would laugh in restaurants and eat food.

Amy called me and said, “Send me a photo of every meal you eat and who you are eating it with. I want to know you are eating and socializing.”

So I lied.

I’d go to a restaurant, order a meal, and take a photo of the waitress and the meal. I’d pretend to be eating and I’d pretend the waitress was my friend. Then I’d leave the restaurant with the meal untouched.

The next year was a daze. I couldn’t tell if things were coming apart or piecing together. Or messing up or cleaning up.

One time I went on stage to do standup comedy. I got obsessed with it. I lived for it.

I started doing it up to six times a week (well…once I did six times a week, but usually three or four).

It made me happy. You don’t find a passion first, you find “a happy” first.

Once you find one happy thing, other things start to glue to it and it gets bigger and life gets bigger.

It got me confidence. I made new friends. It was a way to hide inside whatever was causing me pain and use it to make people laugh.

 

Amy called me. “Stop doing the AirBnBs. People will think you are creepy.”

So I found a place to move. I moved across the street from the standup comedy club.

And I started eating better. Protein for breakfast. Greens for lunch. Light dinner.

I started to read more. I had stopped reading.

(I’m giving away these books… enter to win them here)

And I started exercising. And I spend time with good friends. And I made new friends.

My rule for spending time with a friend: if I were throwing a big party, and they were the only one to show up, would I be happy? If “yes”, then I could hang out with that friend.

I started reconnecting with people. I’d write down ten ideas for someone and send them their way.

Because of reconnecting with good people and discarding bad people I had many more opportunities and joy in life.

This is how I became an advisor on my favorite TV show. This is how my business reached tens of millions in revenue.

I wrote to a girl I had “ghosted” a year earlier and I said, “I liked your last column very much. I understand if you hate me but I wanted you to know I loved you and I’m sorry I ghosted you.”

We’re engaged now.

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Tuesday, May 29, 2018

How I Deal With My Anxiety…

359 – Keith Hernandez

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Friday, May 25, 2018

12 People Who Found Success Later In Life

This is what happens at 50:

Nothing.

Nothing changes. And I’m still ambitious. And I still worry about tomorrow. And I still want to learn to be more peaceful.

I still want to choose myself. For health. For success. For good people in my life.

You have more experiences to create art, write a book, start a business.

With know how to DO instead of just type onto an angry message on Twitter.

And in 50 years, hopefully I have at least one, maybe two, unique things to say.

People say, “no idea is new”.

This is BS. Every idea is new. You did it.


When I was ten I wanted to be an astronaut, a writer, a spy, a superhero, and an advice columnist.

I wrote a play. I did spy on people. But I couldn’t figure out how to be a superhero. I read collected columns of “Dear Abby” (an advice columnist) every day.

The only advice I remember her giving was to a woman who was married to a guy who would go to clubs for “sexual favors”. The woman didn’t know what to do. Abby told her!

Then when I was in sixth grade I forgot all about the things in fifth grade. I wanted to be President! Then in seventh grade I joined a cult. And so on.

Now, people as young as 17 are sending me emails that say, “I’m 17 and I feel like I have done nothing in life! What should I do?”

There’s a simple answer: do whatever you want. Then it all adds up.

If you try to get 1% better each day at your health, at your relationships and the way you treat people, at your creativity, and at turning despair into gratitude, then that 1% compounds into an amazing person.

Do that 1%. Take one action. Even if the actions is for one minute. The 1/1/1 strategy.

I know this. Because I’m still compounding. What is 1%? Whatever you want it to be. The math of life is multi-dimensional.

What happens to amazing people? Everything happens to them. And you never worry about what you accomplish. Because there is no ONE thing. There is EVERY thing. And every day.

Here are some people who accomplished things late in life. I admire all of them. I’m 50, and one day I’m going to figure out what I want to do with my life.

 

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Wednesday, May 16, 2018

The Best “Place” I’ve Ever Been…

Almost three years ago I threw out all of my belongings, stopped renting an apartment and lived only in AirBnBs.

I moved every few days. I lived out of a carry on bag. I had fewer than 15 belongings, and if I ever bought anything new, I would throw out or give away one of the items in my bag.

People thought it was the coolest thing. Mostly guys – guys would come up to me and say, “I always wanted to do what you are doing but I can’t because of the mortgage, the kids, etc.”

(The New York Times covered the story. I got non-stop calls from the most famous TV producers after this article came out.)

But here’s the truth: I did the whole thing not because I’m a minimalist but because I was running from my life. My life had some trauma and I gave up trying to handle it.

The thought of taking care of myself and my possessions and rent and an electric bill, etc. was too much for me.

I gave up. I gave everything away except 1–2 outfits and a kindle, computer, phone.

In each Airbnb I knew there would be towels, Wi-Fi, beds, etc. so I wouldn’t have to deal with buying things. I also wouldn’t have to deal with choosing things. “Which bed should I buy?” would not be an option for me.

I threw out my diploma, photographs of my kids, I gave away thousands of books, I gave away artwork, I gave away or threw out 40 years worth of my belongings. I threw out all my books re-printed in different languages. I threw out my trophies from my chess-playing days.

I missed them. But they were gone.

A few months ago I saw a building that I fell in love with. It was one of the oldest apartment buildings in NYC.

Dozens of famous artists, writers, musicians, dancers, comedians had lived there. It had a courtyard that I felt like I could just sit there for a million years and feel relaxed.

(Louis CK even has a great joke about living here).

(Nora Ephron wrote “When Harry Met Sally” and a billion other movies and books while living here)

It had been a long time since I really felt relaxed.

I called a real estate agent. He said, “I can find you better.”

He wanted to show me other apartment buildings. I said, “You can show me all you want. I am only saying ‘yes’ to the apartment that’s available in this one building.”

This was sight unseen. I knew I wanted the history even more than I wanted the apartment.

(Joseph Heller wrote “Catch-22”, one of my favorite novels, in the apartment down the hall from mine).

I said to him, “please don’t negotiate. I don’t want them to say ‘No’.”

But he negotiated and got me a discount. “See!” he said. “You should listen to me.” But I was mad he risked me getting a “no!”

I am 50 and I had never rented or furnished an apartment by myself before. When I was younger I lived in the Chelsea Hotel.

I loved it but now it is only the second best place I have ever been.

(The Chelsea Hotel was an amazing place to live and I refused to move out even after I got married. Finally, three months after I got married I moved in with my then-wife. 20 years ago).

Then I was married and moved in with whomever I was marrying and they would furnish.

For awhile I lived right next to the river and in the middle of nature. That’s probably the third best place I’ve ever been.

Because I have never had a credit card, I have no credit history. So nobody wanted to rent to me. I had to pay a year up front plus two months security deposit.

“You’re making a mistake,” the real estate agent said to me, “You can get twice the size in a much better, modern building.”

But I wanted to live with ghosts. I wanted to live between the pages of history. I wanted to tap into the energy of my favorite authors, comedians, musicians who had lived here in the past, even for a moment.

(Cyndi Lauper lives here)

Finally the board said, “Yes.” YES!

I had no furniture at all. So I bought an air bed and just moved in so I could stay there.

It was me, an airbed, and several completely empty rooms. I felt weird living in my own place. But I also felt at home for the first time in decades.

It was MY home.

I felt a wave of stability hit me. It almost shook me. It felt good.

The afternoon I got the key and went into the empty apartment I felt so grateful. So blessed. I told the building manager, “I moved to NYC 24 years ago with nothing and lived on the floor of a studio with a roommate. Now I live in my own place.” I was like a 50-year-old child.

I felt anxious. Because every time I had treated myself to something nice, it had ended in me being broke. Maybe it will this time as well.

I spoke to my therapist about this. She said, “If not now, then when?”

I didn’t believe that being in a place should have the power to make me happy. I thought that not being attached to a location was freeing.

I was wrong.

That first day, in that apartment, was the best place I have ever been.

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Friday, May 11, 2018

5 Books To Help Improve Your Life

I hate to include my own book. So don’t get that one. But let me tell you about the other four.

“Worry” by Edward Hallowell. Everyone worries. 20 million people in the US suffer from some sort of untreated clinical anxiety disorder.

Worry is ok. It helps me make deadlines, care about people, care about improving myself. But “toxic worry” is when things spin out of control.

When you wake up at 3am and can’t get that thought out of your head: why did they do that? How will I live? Does she/he love me? And on and on and on and on.

The book, “Worry” helped me.

“Sick in the Head” by Judd Apatow. First, Judd is one of the most comic directors of all time. So anything he says about comedy is a must-read.

Second, why comedy?

Learning the skills of standup comedy has helped me in so many other areas of my life: insights into life, dealing with others, overcoming fears, negotiating, sales, influence, confidence, and least of all…humor.

“12 Rules for Life” by Jordan Peterson.

Just look at the table of contents:

Read this book.

“Skin in the Game” by Nassim Taleb

The idea: if you have “skin in the game” on major life decisions (and even smaller ones), that means you take both risk and reward on your decisions.

You’ll do more research, you’ll take better care of yourself to have the energy to make good decisions and be creative, and ultimately you will live a more real and brave life.

The title alone is worth it. And the rest of the book is a good read.

Ok, my book. “Choose Yourself”

It’s about when I went totally broke and lost everything and had to bounce back.

It doesn’t tell you how to bounce back. It describes how I bounced back.

How I internally had to strengthen physically, emotionally, creative, and spiritually.

But also it’s about the most important topic: Freedom.

We only get one life to be free, to make the decisions we want (not in a selfish way, but in a way that can allow us to create the life with the biggest impact).

The path to freedom, for me, was learning to “choose myself”: not allow anyone else to make the decisions that would define my happiness and well-being.

The actions we make today, become our biography tomorrow.

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Thursday, May 10, 2018

353 – Maria Konnikova:

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Wednesday, May 9, 2018

The ONE Piece of Simple Advice That Changed My Life

I wanted to be a psychologist. I was 18 years old. I loved the idea of talking to people all day.

I don’t know if it was a voyeuristic thing (I wanted to spy on people’s personal problems) or if I really wanted to help people.

Maybe both. But now I know at 18 (and even at my age now) what can I possibly do to help people? Nobody listens to advice anyway.

But my dad told me not to be a psychologist. He said, “this would be the worst decision. You won’t make any money.”

I said, “But maybe I don’t want to make money. I want to help people.”

 

 

(even as a little kid, I read about three or four different advice columns every day. And I would make up questions and write advice for them. I was practicing to be a psychologist I thought).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He said, “You can make money AND you can help people. Money is not evil.”

He also said, “And besides, more women will like you if you make money.”

Which was the worst thing he ever said to me.

I said, “How would I know if women aren’t liking me ONLY BECAUSE I have money.”

He said, “They won’t like you for your money. They will like you because YOU ARE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY.”

I didn’t fully understand that then. And he went broke, lost his business, lost his home, lost everything, died.

But now I understand.

The kind of person who can make a lot of money is: competent, honest, kind, creative, knows how to execute, knows how to communicate, knows how to build long-lasting relationships, knows how to find opportunity in life.

These are hard skills. Some of them are choices. And some of them take much failure and experience and practice to learn.

It is f**king hard.

But the first thing was for me to understand that money was not evil. Was not the opposite of creating impact with my life. Was not the opposite of doing good for others.

I’ve made money. Gone broke (when I lost those values that caused me to make money). Made money. Gone broke. And so on.

But now I know what he meant: money is a byproduct of being a good, competent, creative, healthy person.

I think that’s what he meant. If he did, then that’s the best advice he ever gave me.

If he didn’t, then that’s the best advice he ever gave me because…he’s dead and I miss him.

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I wanted to be a psychologist. I was 18 years old. I loved the idea of talking to people all day.

I don’t know if it was a voyeuristic thing (I wanted to spy on people’s personal problems) or if I really wanted to help people.

Maybe both. But now I know at 18 (and even at my age now) what can I possibly do to help people? Nobody listens to advice anyway.

But my dad told me not to be a psychologist. He said, “this would be the worst decision. You won’t make any money.”

I said, “But maybe I don’t want to make money. I want to help people.”

 

(even as a little kid, I read about three or four different advice columns every day. And I would make up questions and write advice for them. I was practicing to be a psychologist I thought).

 

 

 

 

He said, “You can make money AND you can help people. Money is not evil.”

He also said, “And besides, more women will like you if you make money.”

Which was the worst thing he ever said to me.

I said, “How would I know if women aren’t liking me ONLY BECAUSE I have money.”

He said, “They won’t like you for your money. They will like you because YOU ARE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY.”

I didn’t fully understand that then. And he went broke, lost his business, lost his home, lost everything, died.

But now I understand.

The kind of person who can make a lot of money is: competent, honest, kind, creative, knows how to execute, knows how to communicate, knows how to build long-lasting relationships, knows how to find opportunity in life.

These are hard skills. Some of them are choices. And some of them take much failure and experience and practice to learn.

It is f**king hard.

But the first thing was for me to understand that money was not evil. Was not the opposite of creating impact with my life. Was not the opposite of doing good for others.

I’ve made money. Gone broke (when I lost those values that caused me to make money). Made money. Gone broke. And so on.

But now I know what he meant: money is a byproduct of being a good, competent, creative, healthy person.

I think that’s what he meant. If he did, then that’s the best advice he ever gave me.

If he didn’t, then that’s the best advice he ever gave me because…he’s dead and I miss him.

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Monday, May 7, 2018

351 – Sherrod Small: The Benefit of Starting at The Bottom (You Get to Rise)

 

 

 

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Friday, May 4, 2018

JEWS CREATED LAZY BINGE-WATCHING OBESE AMERICANS!

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of anti-Jewish comments. See below photo. I don’t really know why.

I wasn’t really raised Jewish and haven’t been to many Jewish ceremonies since I was a kid.

We all know about Jewish people like Albert Einstein, Jonas Salk (polio vaccine), and perhaps the greatest Jewish person of all, Greg Pincus, who invented modern contraception.

But little known are these great American creations invented by the unsung Jewish heroes of our time.

I figured, in conjunction with the comment made by my good friend, Gerald below, I would list these inventions so that we would not forget. Never forget!

Robert Adler, invented the TV Remote Control. He has saved me THOUSANDS of hours of walking up to the TV and actually changing the channel. Thank you, my Jewish brother, Robert.

“Syl” Goldman, who invented the shopping cart. When I am filling up on the Pringles cans, how would I carry them all. Thank G-d for this creative jew who invented the shopping cart in his own grocery story, the Humpty-Dumpty Grocery chain in Tulsa, Oklahoma in Depression-era 30s.

Joseph Friedman, the “Flexi-straw”. You know, the straw that you can get that bends as opposed to the inflexible straws. I HATE having to move my neck while drinking a McDonald’s shake.

Akiba Horowitz, the Flashlight. I praise Akiba’s Jew name whenever I am looking for things in the dark and have to use a flashlight. incidentally, he changed the name of his company from “American Electrical Novelty and Manufacturing” to EverReady and became known for another invention…batteries.

So forget the jews who invented Chemotherapy, Google, Lasers, Dialysis, and let’s focus on the real heroes who help us in the daily struggle of living.

Congrats to them. Congrats to us. Shame on Gerald Hill but I forgive you.

The only way to forgive hate, to suffer through pain, is to be grateful for the many things we often take for granted in life.

Tonight I will be using the remote control and find a show on Netflix. I will order a soda and sip from a Flexi straw.

I will honor my heritage and to be grateful for this wonderful life we live.

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Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Why I Am Going On An ‘Attention Diet’

I used to get panic attacks and be unable to function.

If my bank account goes down,I feel like death.

If I’m dating someone and they don’t call me back, I cry and assume it’s over.

If someone who has power over me (money, jobs, opportunity) calls me on a Friday afternoon and just says, “we have to talk” and then I call back and a voicemail says, “XYZ is out of the office until Monday” then I am in a state of panic.

The news scares me.

It doesn’t matter that disease is down year after year, violent deaths are down year after year, literacy is up, infant mortality is down, people out of poverty is up, all I read is: shark deaths are up, nuclear war is around the corner, and my favorite celebrity couple is getting divorced.

On Facebook, everyone on my feed agrees with each other. Facebook’s algorithm has perfected the art of the finding only people who agree with each other.

Someone accidentally got onto my feed. He said, “Illegal immigrants are taking our best jobs.”

Really? Illegal immigrants are astronauts?

I go into a panic.

The best way to get smarter is to find people of differing opinions and listen to them.

I am pro-choice. I listen to people who are pro-life.

I am anti-war. I listen to people who are pro-war.

I don’t want my kids to go to college. I listen to people where their college experience is the best thing that ever happened to them.

Sometimes my mind changes. Sometimes people end up not liking me. This stresses me out.

I was talking to Mark Manson yesterday. He wrote the book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

He mentioned to me the concept of going on an “Attention Diet”.

I agree with this because I feel like I have been mostly on this for the past five or six years.

Here’s my particular Attention Diet:

A) I never watch the news.
B) I never read a newspaper or a magazine.
C) I never hit “Home” on Facebook.
D) I never go to the Twitter home page.
E) I get my news from books.
F) I don’t talk about North Korea or Trump or sports or what someone said when and to who and why.
G) If someone says, “Can you believe what is happening?” I always say, “Yes” and then don’t listen after that.
H) If someone wants to pitch me an idea, I ignore it.
I) If someone wants to meet me for coffee because “I’m sure you’d enjoy it”, I ignore.
J) If someone gives me advice about finance, comedy, writing, economics, I ignore it.
K) If someone disagrees with me I’ll ignore UNLESS, I know them AND it’s face to face. Only 10% of communication is verbal.


FAQ:

A) “Won’t you be uninformed?”

No. I’ll never be uninformed.

Here’s how a news room works (and I’ve been in plenty): the editor says, “Ok, who has something scary for today?”

And then they try to scare people.

Nobody mentions that 20 veterans commit suicide every single day. Instead, someone will talk about some Saudi prince going to jail or one outbreak of Zika or…a shark attack.

Nobody mentions that lifespans are at an all time high. Instead, Michelle Wolf (who I did watch) mentioned something about someone’s makeup.

And then the news is wrong or out of date one day later.

Fake News is really True Lies.

If you read quality books, then you understand the forces that shape the world, you can communicate it, you can see the real facts that are shaping up over time.

You also learn how to live life better because you borrow the best features from the best authors.

If I live a better life, then it will uplift the people around me, who will uplift the people around them, and so on.

One stone dropping in the middle of the ocean, will send waves to every shore.

B) “Shouldn’t you be aware of what’s happening in your own country so you can create impact?”

Instead of doing that I can help the five or six homeless people who live within a block of me.

I can find senior citizens who are lonely and sit with them.

I can read to a blind person.

I can make people laugh.

Having impact on the things immediately around me is the best way to create impact.

C) Why would you ignore people’s ideas? Don’t you encourage people to have ideas?

Yes. I try to write down ten ideas every day. I’ve been doing this since 2002.

And I share those ideas when I need to. If I have ten ideas for McDonald’s, I’ll find some way to share them with someone at McDonald’s.

Will they be good ideas? Probably not.

Which is why usually nobody should listen to my ideas. And I’ve been practicing come up with good ideas for 16 years. So I’d rather work on my own creativity than listen to someone else’s probably bad idea.

D) “Why won’t you listen to advice?”

I’ll listen to advice. Just not about things I know more than the other person about. Chances are they will just waste my time.

If someone is better than me at investing, I will always listen.

But most people are just pundits who spew opinions from their air-conditioned comfortable homes. They type them out on Facebook. They get angry when someone responds. They fight back on Facebook.

They have nothing at risk. To have an opinion, you have to have both risk and reward.

I saw someone wrote, “I lost my faith in Humanity” when her Harvard educated friend (she went to Brown) disagreed with her about something on Facebook.

Really? Malala was shot in the face on a school bus a few years ago. That wasn’t enough to make you lose your faith in humanity?

It had to go this far! Your ex-boyfriend from Harvard said something about the White House Correspondent’s Dinner and now you’ve lost your faith in humanity. That was what tipped you over the edge. Humanity is over!

Well, I guess that blows my cover. I did read that Facebook post. I did hit “home” on Facebook. I saw an opinion I didn’t like. I read the comments.

I wasted a good fifteen minutes. Live today for tomorrow you may Diet.

So now I’ll start my Attention Diet again. After I write this post so you can read it.

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349 – Jon Morrow [Anniversary Episode]: He Made Half a Million Dollars in 9 months. This is What Kept Him Motivated

I was talking to Jon Morrow, who has been paralyzed from the neck down since birth. In the past few years he has created several multi-million dollar businesses.

The system was set up so that he couldn’t make money. If he made money, he would be cut off from Medicaid and his $120,000 in medical expenses would not get paid.

So he moved to Mexico, cut his medical expenses by 90% and started his businesses. Again, it wasn’t about the money. It was about doing something. It was about helping people. It was about feeling useful and doing things that excited him.

Ten years ago he got hit by a car. He ended up with his wheelchair on top of him and blood everywhere. He was in a hospital for a year. Couldn’t move. Everything was going wrong.

So after all this: paralyzed since birth, extensive hospital stays, a system created specifically to stop him from doing anything, how does he keep motivated.

He told me this:

“I am one of the oldest people alive with my disease. Many of us die in an assisted living home, many die from an extra dose of morphine to speed things along.”

What kept you motivated?

“There was a gun to my head. The gun was, I didn’t want to be in an assisted living home, watching TV all day, waiting to die.

“Every day I wake up with that gun to my head. Every day I live.”


Podcast shortcuts:

(I really believe everyone should listen to this interview with Jon Morrow. There’s so much here to help you be creative or just feel that sense of relating to someone, learning and growing. There are very few times in my life that I am so incredibly grateful to meet someone. And this was definitely one of those top 10 moments for me. 

[23:00] – Jon told me how he developed a sense of self-worth.

[26:25] – “When I got into kindergarten, another kid called me disabled, and I said, ‘What does that mean?’ And, he started laughing.” Jon’s teacher came over and said, “You don’t know what that means?” He didn’t. So he asked his mom. She thought about it and said, “It means you can’t do something as well as someone else. But it also goes the other way.” She said, “Everyone in the world can’t do something as well as someone else…” So everyone in a sense is disabled. Jon took inventory of his skills. Then he mastered them.

[29:00] – Jon had twelve job offers after college. But he couldn’t accept any of them. He had to keep his Medicaid. And if he made more than $700 per month, the government would take it away. So he found a loophole. He worked for free. Then years later Jon asked the people he worked with for favors. They promoted his business. And he made half a million dollars in just 9 months.

[1:11:50] – Jon was paralyzed from the neck down. He needed to reconstruct his reality. “I can only move my facial muscles,” he said. He would’ve went crazy. But he made a new plan. “I started listening to audiobooks and podcasts 4-8 hours a day,” he said. His goal was to spend more time listening to inspirational stories than he actually spent in his own life. I needed to understand. I asked Jon, “Why was that your goal?” He said, “If you spend the majority of your time in worlds where people are accomplishing incredible things, all of a sudden that starts to seem normal.” Listen how Jon reconstructed his reality…

[1:16:20] – Jon said, “A lot of people are under the assumption they can get whatever they want without trading something that they have. And that’s just not the case.” When he hears a success story, he looks for the price. What did they sacrifice? Money? Sleep? Time? Relationships? Everything has a price. But how do you know what price you’re willing to pay?  Jon tells you how.

Links and Resources: 

Jon mentioned a few successes from his course:

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350 – Mark Manson:

 

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