Don’t Be a Dick… And 10 Other Things I Learned the Hard Way About Leadership

They fired me. They fired me as CEO. Then they fired me as a board member. Then they took away my shares. And now none of them ever talk to me.

I started the company, I had the initial idea, I raised $30 million for it from A+ investors (i.e. “rich people”), I bought two companies for it, I hired the first 50 employees, and then I was shown the door.

The reason? I was a bad leader.

Here are some things I didn’t know about my own company:

• I didn’t know what our product did.
• I didn’t know any of the clients.
• I didn’t know how much money we made.
• I didn’t know how much we lost.
• I didn’t know the employees.

I just didn’t do anything… for… anyone.

I never wanted to talk. I would lock myself in my office and people would knock and I would pretend not to be there.

Being a leader doesn’t mean you are the guy who runs things.

Being a leader doesn’t mean you created something or you did something great in the past or some other person has given you any kind of authority.

I’m going to make a list. Forgive me. Feel free to add to the list or add your own experiences in the comments.

In fact, I would really appreciate if you can add to this list.

After running 20 or so companies (most of them failures), after investing in 30 companies (most of them successes), after advising or being on the board of a dozen companies (most of them successes), I have a sense of what I think a leader is.

I may be wrong but this is my list.

—

A) MORE SUCCESS FOR OTHERS THAN FOR YOU

Most important by far: you care about the success of others more than you care about your own success. Everyone around you needs to ultimately become better than you.

If all the people around you achieve more than you, then life will be good. You don’t have to believe me. I’ve seen this happen repeatedly.

In my first job I worked very hard. But I always gave my boss all of the credit. He kept getting promotions.

After every promotion, people would come to my tiny cubicle and congratulate ME.

You don’t need to be the top of the pyramid to be the leader.

If you just focus on this one principle in all of your actions, then you are a leader.

Exercise: Figure out how the people around you can have a successful day.

—

B) YES, AND…

I wrote a book called “The Power of No.”

But now I’m about to tell you to say yes.

If someone presents an idea to me, the key is to say, “Yes, and…”

Help them explore their idea. Help them be creative around their idea.

“Yes, and…” is the first rule of good improv for a reason. It allows others to create something new.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM WORKS LIKE THIS:

a. “Yes, and…”

b. List what’s good

c. How you would improve

d. What is the core vision of their idea?

e. Connect the “why” of what they are suggesting to the initial vision. Does it work better than the initial idea?

f. Be open to the fact that you might be wrong. ALWAYS ALWAYS you might be wrong.

g. DON’T LISTEN TO DESTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. OR GIVE IT.

—

C) GRATITUDE

I always imagine a good leader is surrounded by people who call their mothers at the end of the day and tell them, “Mom, you can’t believe what I did today. Let me tell you about it.”

Not that every day is fun. Because some work isn’t.

But make sure every day your employees can call their parents with one new thing they are grateful for.

Maybe they learned a new skill.

Maybe they met a new client and created value for that client. Maybe a client they hated was fired. You can’t let your employees get the disease that bad clients are all too happy to spread.

—

D) THE 30-150 RULE (OR… THE VISION RULE)

An organization of less than 30 people is a tribe.

There’s evidence that 70,000 years ago, if a tribe got bigger than 30 people, it would split into two tribes.

At 30 people, a leader spends time with each person in the tribe and knows how to listen to their issues.

From 30–150, people you might not know everyone. But you know OF everyone. You know you can trust Jill because Jack tells you you can trust Jill and you trust Jack. (This is the invention of “gossip.”)

Above 150 people, you can’t keep track of everyone. It’s impossible. (Look up “The Dunning Number”). This is where humans split off from every other species.

We united with each other by telling stories.

We told stories of nationalism, religion, sports, money, products, better, great, BEST!

[Note: Read Yuval Harari’s book “Sapiens” or listen to one of my two podcasts with him.]

If two people believe in the same story, they might be thousands of miles apart and total strangers, but they still have a sense they can trust each other.

A LEADER TELLS A VISION. A STORY.

We are delivering the best service because…. We are helping people in unique ways because…. We have the best designs because…. We treat people better because….

A good story is a CALL TO ACTION to the people around you: Go from the ordinary world into the extraordinary world!

First you listened to people, then you took care of people, but now you unite people under a vision they believe in and trust and bond with.

Companies live and die on this. One company I advise built itself up by buying 200 regional offices; now it’s unifying them under one brand.

The key to this company’s success is how powerful the story will be that it tells of that brand. Why are they delivering the greatest value? People need to believe in the story.

By the way, this is how humans killed everyone else.

Because we could plan and coordinate in much larger groups than any other species even though we were far weaker.

That’s why there are no other sapiens left on the world. No Neanderthals.

Proof: Within 3,000 years of humans first landing in Australia, no species was left that could put up a fight with us. We killed them all.

Yay humans!

—

E) CHANGE

Everyone has pain they don’t want to feel.

I used to be afraid to look at the stock market because I was afraid I was losing money.

Or I would be afraid to ask a woman out because she might say no.

Only by struggling through pain do we learn and get better. The moth has to break open the cocoon in order to fly.

If we open the cocoon for that moth, it will die.

—

F) DIGNITY

The other day someone cancelled an appearance on my podcast at the last minute.

I had rescheduled other meetings and even changed the time I would see one of my daughter’s plays so I could interview this person—a very, very successful entrepreneur.

She wanted to reschedule but I said no, even to the detriment of my podcast and all the people who work with me on the podcast who were looking forward to the interview.

I wasn’t angry with the person. She’s running a business and was probably very busy. And people reschedule all the time.

I just didn’t like that it was last minute. I had studio time booked and no space to fill it.

I have a vision for my podcast.

Everyone who comes on is someone who has transformed their life and created the life they wanted to. I want my listeners to be helped by the transformative stories of my guests.

The world is changing very fast and it’s scary. I want to help people be less scared and I know I am less scared when I hear the stories of my guests and learn from them.

If I don’t treat my own projects with respect, then how can I expect others to?

If I don’t treat myself with dignity, then how can I expect the people around me to treat me, or even each other, with dignity?

—

G) THERE’S ALWAYS A GOOD REASON AND A REAL REASON

One time an employee asked to meet me outside the office. She was crying. I asked her what was wrong. She was afraid she was doing a bad job with a client.

And she was. But it turned out the real problem was she heard one of my business partners talking poorly about her behind her back and this was affecting her every day at work.

This was the real problem that had to be fixed. And it was. And then everything, employee, client, partner, etc. went well.

In 100% of cases, there is a good reason and a real reason.

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!

If my daughter says, “I want to study in the library,” then she has a good reason.

But there might be boys in the library. The real reason.

A leader listens to the good reason.

But then listens even more closely to try to figure out what the real reason is. There is ALWAYS a real reason. Listen for that and see if you can help.

A good solution solves one problem. A real solution solves 100 problems.

—

H) HEALTH

A sick leader is not a great leader.

A leader who is spending time with people who are not good for them is not a good leader.

A leader who doesn’t constantly practice creativity is not a good leader.

A leader who is not grateful for the abundance already in his or her life will never lead his vision into abundance. He won’t know how.

There’s no such thing as instant health. There’s only such thing as practice and progress.

All you have to do is check the box on progress. Progress compounds every day into enormous abundance.

—

I) LOVE

Warren Buffett says he skips to work and that he would do the work he does for free. Maybe it’s easy for him to say that because he has $50 billion.

But I’ve gone through and read his letters from the 1950s when he was first starting out. These letters are not publicly available. I had to really try hard to find them when I wrote the book on them in 2004.

He loved what he did when he was just starting out, with no money, working in his living room.

He took glee in finding companies that nobody else knew about. GLEE!

Don’t do something just for the money.

Money is a side effect of persistence. You persist in things you are interested in. Explore your interests. Then persist. Then love.

Then… side effects.

—

J) LEAD YOURSELF

Before I can lead anyone I have to lead myself.

I have to read. I have to try and improve 1% a week. I have to spend time with good people.

I can’t make excuses. I have to take extreme ownership. [See Jocko Willink’s book “Extreme Ownership” or my podcasts with him].

I have to be creative every day.

I have to learn 1% more a day.

I have to challenge myself to do the things I am afraid to do.

The definition of success for me is: “Was today successful?”

The best way to have a successful tomorrow is to have a successful today.

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Those Who Mind Don’t Matter, and Those Who Matter Don’t Mind

Ted Geisel cheated on his wife with his neighbor. Then his wife killed herself.

He then married his neighbor.

Ted is one of the bestselling authors in history but because of the above I almost didn’t want to write this. But I learned so much from his books. I still live by what I learned from him.

Every day. He had a very particular formula for success.

Ted Geisel was Dr. Seuss.

—

It happened by accident. Dr. Seuss got annoyed.

Very. Annoyed.

Ted Geisel saw an article saying that kids were illiterate. Schools were failing to teach kids to read.

“This is ridiculous!” he said, “Kids’ books are boring! That’s why they don’t read.”

“Dick likes Jane. Jane and Dick run.” etc. No kid wanted to read them. So no kid would learn.

He chose himself to solve the problem. He was doing well in the advertising industry. He could’ve stuck with that and just argued about kids and reading.

Instead, he wrote a book.

—

“THE MORE THAT YOU READ, THE MORE THINGS YOU WILL KNOW. THE MORE THAT YOU LEARN, THE MORE PLACES YOU WILL GO.” 

Geisel took ACTION.

You can have thoughts, theories and dreams.

But the one thing that’ll work is work that screams.

Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss, wrote “The Cat in the Hat” using only 236 basic words. The book was a huge success and quickly sold over a million copies.

He then wanted to write and entertain for an even younger audience.

He wrote “Green Eggs and Ham” with only 50 unique words, which sold over eight million copies.

All because he was ANNOYED. He was annoyed that teachers and writers thought kids were stupid and would only read stupid books.

ANNOYANCE + ACTION = SUCCESS.

“Kids are smart,” he said. So he DID something.

—

“UNLESS SOMEONE LIKE YOU CARES A WHOLE AWFUL LOT, NOTHING IS GOING TO GET BETTER. IT’S NOT.” 

He didn’t have any kids. He never had kids. But he knew they weren’t stupid.

Kids like to play.

If you can get kids to play, even with their mind, they will learn, they will have fun, they will put their efforts in.

He didn’t waste time arguing with scholars in newspapers. Here was his THREE-STEP GUIDE TO SUCCESS:

• Something annoyed him
• He thought he knew a better way
• He proved it by doing it (and making sure he had fun).

Then repeat.

Find the thing that annoys you.

—

“AND TODAY YOU WILL LEARN TO ENJOY AND TO PLAY, TO DO WORK THAT IS FUN, TO DO WORK THAT WILL STAY”. 

[Forgive me the above. That was me. I wanted to try it. Dr. Seuss mostly wrote in anapestic tetrameter. Two soft syllables and a hard, four phrases per line, rhyming couplets. I wanted to try it rather than talking about it.]

—

“BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DON’T MATTER AND THOSE WHO MATTER DON’T MIND.” 

We all go to school to prepare.

Prepare for what? To be a worker. To be a soldier. To be an adult similar to most of the other adults.

When you stick out like a nail, you’re going to be hammered. School hammers away those nails before we are adults.

It’s really hard to get hate mail. To tell yourself, “This is more about their story than mine.” I’ve been getting hate mail for 16 years.

My first hate mail from 2003. “Shut up you ugly &&&.”

People say, “Ignore it,” and I mostly do. I want to always say what I feel. And those who matter don’t mind.

My favorite Dr. Seuss book is “Happy Birthday to You.”

I wanted to fly out my window and go on a journey like the hero of that book.

I still do.

—

“TODAY YOU ARE YOU, THAT IS TRUER THAN TRUE. THERE IS NO ONE ALIVE WHO IS YOUER THAN YOU.”

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Fecal Matter and Zen Will Make You Better

If you take the fecal matter of a thin rat and put it into the rectum of a fat rat, the fat rat gets thinner.

If you take the fecal matter of a fat rat and put it into the rectum of a thin rat, the thin rat gets fatter. 

That thin rat must get PISSED OFF. “I was eating keto!”

What I want to know: Who woke up and said “Eureka!” and then was the first to do this research?

Is this the healthcare of the future?

#RealScience

The point is this:

—

She hated me. And wrote me a huge letter to tell me why.

She was DONE with me. I was surprised. I didn’t understand.

She gave a list of reasons. I felt defensive. I felt it was all wrong. She didn’t get anything right!

I wanted to respond. But I didn’t. I don’t know if I should’ve responded.

You know, “to set the record straight!” Or “to prove her wrong!”

I didn’t respond. I have to take ownership of my feelings. Not correct anyone else’s.

That’s what I told myself.

But I think about it almost every day. I carry it with me. She rented real estate in my brain. I hate it. HATE. IT.

It’s like sick fecal matter that’s been transplanted into my brain. Her bacteria has spread through my brain. I want to flush it out.

I want to sh*t.

—

This Zen story helps:

Two Zen masters come to a pond. They want to cross it. A “lady of the night” is also there. She wants to cross it.

The older Zen master says, “Hey, I will carry you on my back.”

The lady hops onto his back. All three wade across the pond. At the other side of the pond the older Zen master puts her down and she goes on her way.

The younger Zen monk is shocked. SHOCKED! Isn’t it a sin to carry around a woman like that?

He keeps thinking about it and thinking about it while they silently go down the road.

Finally, an hour or so later, he speaks up.

“Why did you carry that prostitute on your back? It’s against everything we stand for.”

The older Zen master looks at him for a moment and said, “I put her down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”

—

Step 1: Be aware of what you are carrying. Right now! The world is hard enough. We don’t need extra weight.

Step 2: Put it down.

Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2 as much as possible.

Step 4: Do more research into this fecal matter thing.

Maybe if I transplant the fecal matter of someone handsome and charismatic, it could make a real difference in my life.

#ZenStories #ScienceThatMatters

—

She told someone who told someone who told someone.

Now I have several people on my back. And who knows who else? Who else did she say things to?

I think about it.

—

Put it down.

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101 Rules for Starting Your Business

No joke. This is going to be a bullet FAQ on starting a business.

If you’re a lawyer, feel free to disagree with me so you can charge someone your BS fees to give the same advice.

If you can think of anything to add, please do so. I might be missing things.

If you want to argue with me, feel free. I might be wrong on any of the items below.

I’ve started, advised, invested in, been on the board of dozens of businesses. Many billions in exits.

There are many types of businesses. Depending on your business, some of these won’t apply.

All of these questions come from questions I’ve been asked.

The rules are: I’m going to give no explanations. Just listen to me.

1) C-Corp, or S-Corp, or LLC?

C-Corp.

2) What state should you incorporate in?

Delaware.

3) Should founders vest?

Yes, over a period of four years. On any change of control the vesting speeds up.

4) Should you go for venture capital money?

First build a product, then get a customer, then get friends and family money (or money from revenues, which is cheapest of all) and then think about raising money. But only then. Don’t be an amateur.

If you don’t build a product first (even if you have to do some things manually that you will later automate), then there is no way to test demand, no way to test specific features, no way to get feedback.

You will spend six months raising money, six months hiring programmers and building a product, and then probably fail.

THIS is why many startups fail. Test, test, test.

5) Should you patent your idea?

Get customers first. Patent later. Don’t talk to lawyers until the last possible moment.

6) Should you require venture capitalists to sign NDAs?

No. Nobody is going to steal your idea.

7) How much equity should you give a partner?

Divide things up into these categories: manages the company, raises the money, had the idea, brings in the revenues, built the product (or performs the services). Divide up in equal portions.

8) Should you have a technical cofounder if you are not technical?

No. If you don’t already have a technical cofounder you can always outsource technology and not give up equity.

9) Should you barter equity for services?

No. You get what you pay for.

10) How do you market your app?

Friends and then word of mouth.

Social media is BS. Build a product that people want.

Craig Newmark emailed his friends every day about events happening in San Francisco.

They would share his emails. Soon he was sending thousands of people emails.

Only THEN did he build a website (Craigslist). When he knew there was demand. Now it’s worth billions.

11) Should you build a product?

Maybe. But first see if manually your product works. Then think about providing it as a service. Then productize the commonly used services. Too many people do this in reverse and then fail.

12) How much dilution is too much dilution?

If someone wants to give you money, then take it. The old saying is 100% of nothing is worth less than 1% of something.

One time I raised $30 million in the first round for a company I started (Vaultus). But there was demand for $20 million more and I said no. I wish I had said yes.

13) Do you listen to venture capitalists?

Yes, of course They gave you money. But then don’t do anything they ask you to do.

Remember: They WANT you to spend so they can get great terms on giving you more money in the next round.

SAVE YOUR CASH.

14) What if nobody seems to be buying your product?

Then change to a service and do whatever anyone is willing to pay for.

I had a company once that made websites. If someone needed a logo, we did it. If someone needed a friend, we did it. If someone needed a TV commercial, we shot it.

“Focus” is a slogan used by people who aren’t entrepreneurs.

15) If a client wants you to hire their friend or they won’t give you the business (like a bribe) what should you do?

Always do the ethical thing — hire the friend and get the client’s business.

16) What do you do when a customer rejects you in a B2B business?

Stay in touch once a month. Never be angry.

Rule: 16 touches later you will have the business.

17) In a B2C business:

Release fast. Add new features every week.

18) How do you get new clients?

Rule: The best new clients are old clients.

Even when I do my podcast, the best guests are guests who have been on before.

Always offer new services.

19) What’s the best thing do for a new client?

Over-deliver for the first 100 days. Then you will never lose them.

20) What if your client asks you to do something not in your business plan?

Do it, or find someone who can do it, even if it’s a competitor.

The way I got offers for my first company was by referring clients to other companies. Those other companies eventually ALL offered to buy my company.

21) Should I ever focus on SEO?

No.

22) Should I do social media marketing?

No.

23) Should I ever talk badly about a partner of an employee even though they are awful?

Never gossip. The way you do anything is the way you do everything.

24) I have lots of ideas. How do I pick the right one?

Do as many ideas possible. The right idea will pick you.

DOING is 100x more valuable to your business than thinking.

24a) Aren’t “ideas a dime a dozen and execution is everything?”

Who told you this? A good idea is difficult.

And execution ideas are a subset of ideas. There are bad execution ideas and good execution ideas. One means your business will fail, the other means you will make millions.

Practice every day having ideas so that when you need to execute, you will have good execution ideas.

25) What is the sign of an amateur?

Any of these things:

• Asking for an NDA
• Trying to raise VC money before product or customers
• Having fights with partners in the first year. Fire them or split before anything gets out of control
• Worrying about dilution
• Trying to get Mark Cuban to invest because “this would be great for the Dallas Mavericks”
• Asking people you barely know to introduce you to Mark Cuban
• Asking people for five minutes of their time. It’s never five minutes so you are establishing yourself as a liar.
• Having a powerpoint that doesn’t show me arbitrage. I need to know that there is a small chance there is a 100x return on money.
• Catch 22: Showing people there’s a small chance there’s 100x return on their money. The secret of salesmanship is getting through the Catch 22.
• Rejecting a cash offer for your company when you have almost no revenues. Hello Friendster and Foursquare.

26) What is the sign of a professional?

• Going from bullshit product to services to product to SaaS product. (Corollary: The reverse is amateur hour.) Example: Oracle sold a database. Then they would send over 100 consultants to “install” the database. This is how they built their database. It took them four years of selling their database before they actually had one.
• Cutting costs every day
• Selling every day, every minute
• When you have a billion in revenues, staying focused. When you have zero revenues, staying unfocused and coming up with new ideas every day.
• Saying no to people who are obvious losers.
• Saying yes to any meeting at all with someone who is an obvious winner.
• Knowing how to distinguish between winners and losers (subject of an entire other post but in your gut you know, trust me).

27) When should I hire people full time?

When you have revenues.

28) How long does it take to raise money?

In a GREAT business, six months. In a mediocre business: infinity.

29) Should I get an office?

No, not unless you have revenues.

30) Should I do market research?

Yes, find one customer who DEFINITELY, without a doubt, will buy a service from you. Note: I don’t say buy your product because your initial product is always not what the customer wanted.

31) Should I pay taxes?

No. You should always reinvest your money and operate at a loss.

32) Should I pay dividends?

See above

33) What should the CEO salary be?

No more than 2x your lowest employee if you are not profitable. This assumes you are funded. If you are not funded, your salary should be zero until your revenues can pay your salary last. Important.

Rule: The CEO salary is the last expense paid in every business.

34) When should I fire employees?

When you have less than six months burn in the bank and you aren’t getting revenues growing fast enough.

35) When should you have sex with an employee?

When you love her and the feeling is mutual.

36) What other reasons should one fire an employee?

• When they gossip
• When they don’t over-deliver constantly
• When they ask for a raise because they think they are making below industry standard
• When the talk badly about a client
• When they have an attitude
• When they talk badly about one of your partners or investors.

37) When should you give a raise?

Rarely. Find many incentives for people to be happy. It’s not just about money.

38) How big should the employee option pool be?

15–20%.

39) How much do advisers get?

1/4 of 1%. Advisers are useless. Don’t even have an advisory board.

40) How much do board members get?

Nothing. They should all be investors. If they aren’t an investor, then 1/2 of 1%.

50) Should you take the offer to buy your company?

Yes. In cash.

51) What is the only effective email marketing?

Highly targeted email marketing written by professional copywriters, and the email list is made up of people who have bought similar services in past six months.

51a) Corollary: If you have zero skills as a copywriter then everything you write will be boring.

52) Should I give stuff for free?

Maybe. But don’t expect free customers to turn into paying customers.

Your free customers actually hate you and want everything from you for nothing so you better have a different business model.

3% of your free customers will turn into paying customers.

3% of your paying customers will buy more expensive products. This will be the cause of all of your profits.

53) Should I have swag?

No.

54) Should I go to SXSW?

No.

55) Should I go to industry parties and meet-ups?

No.

56) Should I blog?

Yes. You must. Blog about everything going wrong in your industry. Blog personal stories that you think will scare away customers. They won’t. Customers will be attracted to honesty.

BE the voice of your industry.

57) Should I care about margins?

No. Care about revenues.

58) Should I spin off this unrelated idea into a separate business?

No. Make one business GREAT. Throw everything in it. Do DBAs to identify different ideas.

59) Should I hire people because I can travel on a seven-hour plane ride with them?

Don’t be an idiot. If anything, hire people the opposite of you. Else who will you delegate to?

60) When should I say no to a client?

When they approach you.

61) When should I say yes to a client?

Every other conversation you ever have with them after that initial no.

62) Should I have sex with an employee?

Stop asking that.

63) Should I negotiate the best terms with a VC?

No. Pick the VC you like. Times are going to get tough at some point and you need to be able to have a heart-to-heart with them.

If the company does well, everyone will be rich.

64) Should I even start a business?

No. Make money. Build shit. Then start a business.

65) Should I give employees bonuses for a job well done?

No. Give them gifts but not bonuses.

66) What should I do at Christmas?

Send everyone you know a gift basket.

67) If my customer just got divorced what should I say to him?

“I can introduce you to lot’s of women/men.”

68) When should I give up on my idea?

When you can’t generate revenues, customers, interest, for TWO MONTHS.

69) Why didn’t the VC or customer call back after we met yesterday and it was great?

They hate you.

70) Why didn’t the above call back after we met yesterday and it was great?

Yesterday was like a split second ago for them and a lifetime for you. There’s the law of entrepreneurial relativity. Figure out what that means and live by it.

71) Should I hire a professional CEO?

No. Never.

71) Should I hire a head of sales?

No. The founder is the head of sales until at least $10 million in sales.

72) My client called at 3 a.m. Should I tell him to respect boundaries?

No. You no longer have any boundaries.

73) I made a mistake. Should I tell the client?

Yes. Tell him everything that happened. You’re his partner. Not the guy that hides things and then lies about them.

74) My investors want me to focus. Should I listen to them?

No. Diversify in every way you can.

75) I personally need money. Should I borrow from the business?

Only if the business can survive for another six months no matter what.

76) I just bought two companies. Should I put them under the same roof and start consolidating?

No. Not for at least two years.

77) Should I quit my job?

No. Only if you have salary that can pay you for six months at your startup. Aim to quit your job but don’t quit your job.

78) What do I do when I have doubts?

Ask your customers if your doubts are trustworthy.

79) I have too much competition. What should I do?

Competition is good. It shows you have a decent business model. Now simply outperform them.

80) My wife/husband thinks I spend too much time on my startup?

Divorce them or stop your business.

81) I’m starting my business but I have relationship problems. What should I do?

Get rid of your relationship.

82) Should I expand geographically as quickly as possible?

No. Get all the business you can in your local area. Travel is too expensive time-wise.

83) How do I keep clients from yelling at me?

Document line by line every meeting and send your document to the client right after the meeting.

84) I undercharged. What should I do about it?

Nothing. Charge the next client more.

85) I have an idea for an app but don’t know how to execute. What should I do?

Draw every screen and function. Then outsource someone to make the drawings look like they come from a real app. Then outsource the development of the app. Get a specific schedule. Micromanage the schedule.

86) I want to buy a franchise in X. Is that a good idea?

Only buy a franchise if it’s underperforming and you can see how to improve it. Don’t buy on future hopes, only buy on past mistakes.

Make sure you can say what your unfair advantage is in one sentence.

87) I still want to buy a franchise in X. Is that a good idea?

Rely on the three Ds: Death, Debt, Divorce. When someone dies, the heirs will sell a business cheap. When someone is in debt, they will sell a business cheap. When someone divorces, the couple usually have to sell a business cheap.

IMPORTANT: Even if the trends in the industry are in your favor, you CANNOT predict the future. But you can use the past to help you get a deal. Always get a deal.

88) I have a lot of traffic but no revenues. What should I do?

Sell your business. There’s only one Google. (Well, there’s two or three Googles: Facebook and Twitter.)

89) I have no traffic. How do I get traffic?

Shut down your business.

90) Should I hire a PR firm?

No. Do guerrilla marketing. Read “Newsjacking” and “Trust Me I’m Lying.” PR firms screw up from beginning to the end. The first time I hired a PR firm, instead of sending me my contract they accidentally sent me their contract for Terry Bradshaw. He was paying $12,000 a month. Was it worth it for him?

91) My competition is doing better than me across every metric. What should I do?

Don’t be afraid to instantly shut down your business and start over if you can’t sell the business. Time is a horrible thing to waste.

92) I’m in business now for six years and my business doesn’t seem to be growing. It’s even slowing down. What should I do?

Come up with 10 ideas a day about new services your business can offer. Try to get a customer for each new service.

Rule (again): The best new customers are old customers. Do new things for old customers.

93) Is it unethical to run my business from the side while still at my job?

I don’t know. Did God tell you that in a dream?

94) My customer called me at 5 p,m, on a Friday and said, “We have to talk” and now I can’t talk to him until Monday. What does it mean?

It means you’re fired.

95) XYZ just sold for a $100 million. Should I be valued at that? I’m better!

No, you should shut up.

96) Investors want to meet me and customers want to meet me. Who do I meet if I need money?

You should know the answer to that by now.

97) If an acquirer asks me why I want to sell, what should I say?

That you feel it would be easier for you to grow in the context of a bigger company that has experienced the growing pains you are just starting to go through. That 1+1 = 45.

98) I just started my business. What should I do?

Sell it as fast as possible (applies in 99% of situations)

99) I can change the world with my technology.

No you can’t.

99a) Corollary: Don’t smoke crack.

100) If you’re so smart why aren’t you a billionaire?

Because I sold my businesses early, lost everything, started new businesses, sold them, and got lucky every now and then.

You create your luck by being healthy and not regretting the past or being anxious about the future.

101) Should I even start a business?

Only if you love managing the contradicting needs of employees, shareholders, clients, potential clients, partners, acquirers, competitors, etc.

Else, try to invest in someone who does so they do all the work for you.

The post 101 Rules for Starting Your Business appeared first on James Altucher.

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The Jeffrey Epstein Case, Part II: More Valuable Case Studies in Occam’s Razor, Conspiracy Numbers and “Smoking Crack Bias”

I got a lot of feedback on my original Jeffrey Epstein article. There were a lot of great questions and comments. 

When a “billionaire” pedophile with connections ranging from presidents to royalty to the richest people in the world is suddenly found dead in a maximum security prison… foul play will be suspected. 

Theories ranging from “he was killed” to “a body double was killed and he is free” to… whatever… are all being floated. 

And suddenly everyone is an expert on hyoid bones, the MCC facility, constitutional ramifications of a legal deal struck 14 years earlier in Florida, etc. 

So I decided to create another FAQ to answer some of the questions I got.

I do this using the same methodology I used in the article: 

1. Occam’s Razor: Asking always “what is the simplest explanation?” since that is usually the accurate explanation. 
2. Conspiracy numbers: How many things have to conspire for a theory to be correct? The more that has to conspire, the less likely the theory is correct. 
3. Probabilities vs. facts: Life is not about facts. Things happen and then we interpret them. This is true: We will NEVER know what happened. But this is when it’s important to think in terms of probabilities. 
4. The “Smoking Crack Bias”: It’s easy to be a skeptic of others, and of the government, and of people in power.  It’s hard to be skeptical of yourself. My own inclination was to go into deep conspiracy territory (I was in favor of the “body double” theory and that Epstein was alive, which I now think is ridiculous). 

These are all mental models I learned painfully in other areas of my life ranging from chess and poker to investing and entrepreneurship to relationships. 

For instance, if I’m looking at a move in chess where I will lose my queen for no compensation, then MANY things have to conspire in order for that move to be a good move (all of my opponent’s countermoves have to result in me checkmating him). 

If the conspiracy number is too high, I wouldn’t make the move. 

And “internal skepticism” is what I learned from being an entrepreneur. 

When you start a business, it’s easy to see the faults in other people’s startups, but hard to see the faults in your own. I don’t know why this is. 

I call it the “Smoking Crack Bias.” I have to ask myself every day, “Am I smoking crack on this?” 

This has been very valuable to me. 

Thinking in terms of probabilities and not facts (and being comfortable with “not knowing”) is a valuable tool I learned from poker (you should place two aces to the fullest even though there is still a reasonable chance you will lose money), and from investing. 

And Occam’s Razor I learned from being professionally paranoid, as documented in many of my articles and books. 

There were some very good questions and theories presented after I wrote my article. 

Again, I answer them here based on my limited (but unique in some cases) knowledge, but also based on these mental models. 

Jeffrey Epstein FAQ part II:

A) I don’t agree with your theory that Epstein killed himself. The sheets are too thin to make an adequate noose. I believe he was murdered.

You could be right. I’m just saying the simplest explanation is that he killed himself. 

If another prisoner killed him then again several things have to conspire: convince someone to kill him, promise him that he will not be pursued, of the many people involved in that promise nobody talks, etc. Any other scenario is even more complicated (getting someone in there, etc). 

As far as the paper sheets, I don’t know. But since we know that in the past few years guards have been bribed to provide alcohol, cigarettes, etc., presumably a guard was bribed to provide something strong enough to kill him. But not strong enough to turn the focus on the guard that was bribed.

Other than theories, there’s no reason to assume this is anything but what it looks like. And if a guard was bribed to turn the way for a murder, that’s a much more serious offense. So harder to bribe, harder to kill someone, harder to hide from autopsy (particularly when making it look like a suicide). And that prison is hard-core. It’s where they rounded up all suspected terrorists right after 9/11 before sending them to Guantanamo bay. I lived right next to MCC during 9/11 and would regularly see vans drive up and guys in hoods and chains being led out to the prison.

B) I believe Epstein escaped the prison.

How would he have escaped? Plenty of rich people have been held in that prison. So many things would have to conspire:

a) Getting him the tools to escape (he’d need a rope and an open window and nobody watching for a long time)

b) Why the need to fake a suicide with a real body? They now have to pay off doctors, get a body that looks like him, fake all autopsy results (involving dozens of people), etc.

It would be like Ocean’s 15 and everything would have to work 100% on the first try.

C) If it was a suicide, why wouldn’t he do it before he was indicted?

Did he know there was an indictment coming? I think he landed in New York City from Paris because he assumed his protection (via the Florida agreement, via the CIA, etc) was bulletproof.

D) I agree it was a suicide. But I think someone got a note to him in prison encouraging him to do it.

I agree that this was probably a contributing factor. In order to commit suicide you have to feel as if you have no other choice. Imagine suicide like a funnel that is wide at the top. You are like a marble winding down the funnel. At first you go in giant circles at the top and then it gets tighter and tighter and tighter until it feels like you are left with only one choice. 

Epstein entered prison with this wide a funnel. And then many things probably contributed to his feeling that he had no choice left. One of those things was most certainly messages he received from the outside world that this was a necessary solution. Combined with that, the known conditions of this facility, harassment from other inmates, the bleakness of what he thought was his solid defense, etc. probably pushed him to the bottom of that funnel.

E) Your theory about Club Epstein is plausible. But how did he get the money to start it in the first place?

That’s a great question. I saw that in the ’80s he spent a lot of time with John Casablancas. My ex-lawyer was Casablancas’s roommate in the ’80s. Casablancas ended up running to another country (I think Brazil) because of his pedophilia. A disgusting group. But, sadly, more open in the ’80s. My guess (again, the simplest answer) is that Epstein was part of this group, grew his network, made his inclinations known, and had his array of choices among young models, etc. 

Then, AS IS COMMON TO THIS DAY, billionaires visiting from outside New York City were willing to pay “concierges” (I can’t think of another word) to show them around (i.e., get into the best clubs, arrange massive parties, get into all the secret places, etc.) and that is how Epstein went from being a schoolteacher to rubbing shoulders with billionaires, to providing a financial tip here and there, to getting his first few million, and then building from there. Perhaps with partners that we will never know about because they were so behind the scenes.

F) You referred to the girls as “young” when his charges were all related to minors. What are your thoughts on the underage girls being there and the CIA letting WJC hang with this guy?

Several things we know about the CIA:

a) They put their own agenda above the law. I am not saying this is good, bad, appropriate. And I don’t know if they still do this. But they have in the past (for instance, in the ’50s overthrowing democratically elected leaders in South America at the behest of United Fruit).

b) The CIA’s agenda and the president’s agenda are not always the same. Nor is the timeline of their agendas.

G) Many people saw this coming a long time ago. The question isn’t murder vs. suicide. It’s why did this happen at all?

Yes, that is the issue we should be focusing on. Everyone seems to be saying now, “We all knew this was going on.” Well, as the father of FOUR teenage daughters, I ask, why didn’t anyone do anything, report anything, etc.? The simplest explanation is that a lot of high-powered people were benefiting, not only from the sexual favors Epstein was “providing,” but also the charitable donations that were a form of bribery, etc.

***

The truth is we will never know what happened. Like everything, life happens and then we interpret it through our personal filters. Because of that, it is often better to think in terms of probabilities rather than facts.

Was George Washington the greatest president? Some people would say that is FACT. Others would say he was the WORST President. Others will point to some things good and some things bad. 

There are many parts of American history, and even current events on a daily basis, where we will never know what happened. 

Personally, I find it interesting that this case really BLEW UP in the news only after he died (CONSPIRACY!) rather than dealing with the real issue: Why is sex trafficking happening at all at these levels of society?

My guess is (Occam’s Razor) is that this is not the only instance of this happening and we should be focused more on that.

The post The Jeffrey Epstein Case, Part II: More Valuable Case Studies in Occam’s Razor, Conspiracy Numbers and “Smoking Crack Bias” appeared first on James Altucher.

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How Did Jeffrey Epstein Make His Money?: A Case Study on Occam’s Razor and Conspiracy Numbers

Everybody loves a good conspiracy.

Was Epstein killed? How did he make his money? Which evil billionaire has the most to lose?

Was Epstein even a billionaire?

Two days ago, nobody has ever heard of a “hyoid bone.”

Now we know: “Only 27% of hangings break the hyoid bone.”

Thank you, Dr. Google. Everyone is an expert.

“It’s the HYOID BONE! OH NO! MURDER!”

—

This entire story is a great example of two principles that I like to use when making decisions or figuring out situations:

A) OCCAM’S RAZOR: the simplest answer is probably the right answer

B) CONSPIRACY NUMBERS: how many things have to conspire in order for your theory to be correct? The theory with the lowest “conspiracy number” is probably correct.

I use these ideas, plus my very limited understanding of the various moving pieces, to explain how Jeffrey Epstein made his money and why this was a suicide…

—

I think we first have to look at what we actually know:

He probably wasn’t a billionaire

If someone has $100 million or more they can easily say, “I’m a billionaire,” because their lifestyle will not be any different at all from a billionaires.

You can buy a 40,000-foot house, ride private planes all day and night, have an island, etc. for all much less than a $100 million.

Important to remember: Anyone with $100 million or more can say, “I’m a billionaire,” and nobody would know.

The reason I suspect he was not a billionaire is:

1. His financial documents when he was looking to make bail said he had $559 million, a very specific amount. Maybe he has some money hidden away but probably not that much more.

2. The house he lived in in New York City was a gift from his billionaire friend, Leslie Wexner. Billionaires don’t need other billionaires giving them gifts.

So now the question is: how did he make any money at all?

The theory is that he was a hedge fund manager or a money manager of some sort. That’s what he claimed.

This is definitely NOT TRUE.

All we actually know is that 30 years ago he helped billionaire Leslie Wexner with some philanthropy deals and perhaps other financial advice.

Here’s what we also know:

1. There is ZERO evidence he ever tried to raise money

Hedge funds need to raise lots and lots of money.

When a big hedge fund raises money they need big investors. They need people working for them to manage those clients.

They need to hire marketing teams to set up meetings. The meetings are attended by a dozen or so people who are involved in making the decision.

To be a billionaire hedge fund manger you probably need to be managing at least $5 billion for over a decade.

Thousands of people would be involved to raise that kind of money. Marketers, employees, employees of the investors, people who did due diligence, background checks, etc.

Zero people have stated that they were involved in any aspect of fundraising.

2. There is ZERO evidence that he actually invested in anything

This is the law: Every fund with more than $100 million in assets has to disclose to the SEC every three months what stocks they hold.

The SEC has zero information from Jeffrey Epstein and all the top hedge funds — over a billion — are accounted for.

What if he invested in real estate or private companies? Again, with that kind of money, hundreds or thousands of people would have to know.

Has anyone stated they know of any investments? Zero.

3. What if he invested secretly through a third party?

Well, then the third party would know. There’s no evidence that any third party invested for him.

And it’s still not that easy. Because you are required to know your investor by law. It’s hard to invest secretly.

A great example is Yasser Arafat.

After he died, it turned out he had invested in two companies in the U.S.: Bowlmor Lanes (a bowling alley!) and a software company called Vaultus (MY COMPANY!).

We didn’t know it was Arafat. He invested through a third party.

But that’s all he could get away with. Maybe $4 million worth. It’s very hard to invest a large amount of money secretly.

SO HOW Did HE HAVE MONEY?

With everything in life, the simplest answer is probably the most accurate.

When I first thought about this I thought:

He probably pitched rich foreign billionaires (sheikhs, dictators, etc.) and said, “If you put money in my fund, you can have access to my island, and by the way, lots of young girls on my island and it’s all VERY SECURE AND PRIVATE.”

But then I thought, that’s the stupid answer.

Running a hedge fund is hard. Raising money is hard (see above). And these dictators could care less about investing.

The hedge fund was just a story so people could explain why they were wiring him money.

Instead, he made his money from what I will call “Club Epstein.”

He set up the island, the procurement of young girls, the facade of respectability, the protection from government (through his massive connections and philanthropy presence).

And *wink* you can do anything you want on the island.

(Epstein’s island)

THAT was his product.

That is obviously not an easy product to build. And it’s a product that was apparently in demand by at least a few wealthy — or connected — and corrupt billionaires, royalty, world leaders, etc.

He sold it to all takers.

Let’s say “membership” to Club Epstein was $20 million.

Every single dictator in the world can afford that. Almost every single royal person in the world can afford that.

Various foreign corrupt businessmen can afford that without thinking of it.

30 members and Epstein has $600 million.

That’s how he made his money.

—

FAQ:

Why would billionaires, dictators, royalty, etc. join a high-priced club?

Answer: Because they couldn’t get the girls themselves.

Or they couldn’t get it with their privacy intact. Or they would be violating their religion. Or they were married and had a public image to live up to.

Or they were afraid to get arrested. Or they didn’t want to deal with all the other issued involved.

They wanted to be able to pretend they were going to a “philanthropy meeting” (part of the club) or a meeting of intellectuals (Dershowitz, Minsky, etc.) on Epstein’s island and *wink wink* have girls show up at the after-party.

Why Epstein? Can’t you get this in Thailand or other sex industry countries?

Epstein hung out with presidents, country leaders, philanthropists, etc.

For decades you could have reasonable excuses to meet Epstein (not after his Florida jail time but before). But if you are a prominent sheikh, it’s a bit suspicious to your inner circle if you go to Bangkok 10 times a year.

Why didn’t Epstein get caught earlier?

The obvious reason.

The CIA approached him at some point and said, “We will protect you as best we can if you give us all video and photos of everyone on the island.”

And he said, “Deal!”

Prince Andrew is all over Wikileaks. Prince Andrew is all over this Epstein story.

All of these guys that have come up in other investigations seem to have spent a lot of time with Epstein.

So clearly the CIA was interested in his clientele. They don’t stay interested from afar. The CIA makes deals. Epstein would have had no reason to refuse the deal.

But then why was he prosecuted in Florida?

Was he? He spent 18 months in jail (nothing) and was protected from all future prosecution.

This deal was so pro-Epstein that Acosta, the prosecutor who put together the deal, had to actually resign from being secretary of labor.

Nobody can understand why Acosta made a deal this good for Epstein.

In fact, Epstein’s main case right now would be that this would be “double jeopardy” and he was protected from prosecution by the Florida case and the way Acosta worded it.

Epstein assumed he could not be prosecuted in N.Y.C. because of this. There’s been some debate on this but nothing conclusive.

Which is why the Fed was going through more measures: uncovering documents, raiding his island, etc. They didn’t have any new evidence to show that this was a new case and not just a rehash of the 2007 case.

Did he kill himself?

There are three possible answers: Yes (but then how?). No (he was killed). And “he’s not dead.”

All three involve conspiracy. Rule No. 1: The more that one has to conspire for something to happen, the less likely it is true.

For instance, “he was killed” involves the extra complication of a killer and someone hiring a killer and the mechanics of how the killing would happen and not be noticed in an autopsy.

Almost impossible. So he was not killed.

And, for fun, is he alive? They used a fake body. They falsified the autopsy, etc. Again, too many complications.

So the easiest answer is yes. He killed himself.

Why would he kill himself if he thought he was going to go free?

A) Prison conditions at the MCC facility have been known to be horrible.

(Drawing of a prison cell from 2018 when MCC was being accused of having horrible conditions)

B) He knew his life would never be the same

Eventually they were going to do a deal with him (even if they couldn’t prosecute him) that would be: “Give us all of your money and then we will let you go,” and he probably couldn’t handle that.

C) More information is coming out every day

If he wasn’t killed inside the facility, there’s a reasonable chance he would be killed, tortured, whatever, outside jail, with no financial resources to protect himself.

The Fed is currently looking for his diaries. Perhaps there were things in there that he just didn’t want to face. Who knows the inner mind of someone so corrupt?

People say that it is almost impossible to kill yourself in the MCC facility. How would he do it?

BUT: there is evidence in the past few decades that bribing guards have had results.

Despite being one of the most important prisons in the U.S., as recently as 2016, a wealthy prisoner paid $45,000 to a guard for alcohol, cigarettes, and a cell phone.

That prisoner (and guard) were caught.

The difference in this case is that the CIA had a vested interest (not being a conspiracy theorist here. This is obvious as stated above) and many, many billionaires around the world had a vested interest in making payments and making it easy.

A bribe explains all of the unusual things around his suicide. He wasn’t on suicide watch. Have the most over-worked guards on duty slip him something he can hang himself with wait a bit.

Again, why would he kill himself?

• It wasn’t 100% clear the “double jeopardy” argument would work
• He might get killed in a much worse fashion
• He couldn’t handle all the information coming out. ALL the trust, his entire persona, was going to get flushed down the tubes. He maybe couldn’t handle that
• He was going to be wiped out anyway and his self worth was his net worth
• Conditions (rat- and cockroach-infested) in the facility probably dehumanized him and his thought process
• He probably figured a life in prison, where he would be repeatedly harassed and beaten by other prisoners, was not worth it and he didn’t want to take the chance when he had the opportunity (encouraged by his “friends”) to do it himself.

—

This is not about any secret knowledge I have about Epstein. In fact, the fact that I DO NOT have knowledge about him despite being around hedge fund managers for 20 years gives me a lot of insight into this.

The only knowledge I have is:

• The rules about disclosure when you have a lot of money invested
• The rules about “know your investor” when you are raising money (my experience with Arafat secretly investing in a company I started but it wasn’t revealed until after his death)
• Some knowledge about the CIA
• Similarities between this and the Madoff Ponzi scheme (which I had a lot of knowledge about)
• Public information about MCC (the jail).

And a strong belief that the Occam’s Razor — the idea that the simplest answer is usually correct — works. It always has worked for me.

Summary:

• Epstein made all of his money from “Club Epstein” described above
• The CIA helped him out quite a bit
• He killed himself
• There were many incentives for corrupt and despicable billionaires and world leaders to use Epstein’s services as opposed to alternatives.

The post How Did Jeffrey Epstein Make His Money?: A Case Study on Occam’s Razor and Conspiracy Numbers appeared first on James Altucher.

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How to Be an Ultimate Fighter

“This tube you see coming out of me is directly connected to my heart and pumps liquid into it, tricking my heart into thinking it’s OK.”

I had asked the cab driver what that machine was. I saw the tube sticking out of his side. “Are you OK?”

He looked at me through his mirror for an extra second or two and then started telling me.

The answer was no.

“I need a heart transplant,” he said. And then he explained the tube.

He said, “My heart is three times bigger than the average heart. It can’t get enough oxygen and it’s hard for it to pump blood out to the rest of the body. I can barely move.”

“Jesus,” I said, “how did this happen?”

Even when I asked, I wondered if I cared or if I was just worried this was yet another bad thing that could happen to me.

Does it matter?

The tube that was connected to his heart came out through a hole in his shirt and was attached to a bag in the passenger seat.

Dave, the driver, said, “I wanted to be in the Ultimate Fighting Championships and so I took ephedrine to get my weight down from 215 to 175.”

“What is that,” I asked, “like a steroid?”

“No,” he said, “you could buy it in a GNC.”

“Did you take too much of it?”

“I just took what the bottle said I should take,” Dave said. “Then I started getting this consistent flu so I went to the doctor. I was in great shape. The doctor said I was in impeccable health. That’s the word he used. ‘Impeccable.’” Dave laughed.

“I had to look it up,” he said, “it means perfect. I was muscle on top of muscle. I was ready to fight.”

Then the doctor said, “But I don’t know how to tell you this.”

The doctor said, “I don’t think you’re going to live.”

—

“I have type II diabetes now. I have high cholesterol. I have high blood pressure. I have a pacemaker on the left side of my heart and this Primacore tube on the right side. I can’t deal with my diabetes because I can’t bring my weight down enough without damaging my heart.”

“What happens if you take that tube out?” I asked.

“Within an hour I’ll feel as if I have a really bad flu,” he said. “And within a month or two I’ll be dead.”

“What if you kept the tube in?” I asked. “How long can you live?”

“I have to take the tube out anyway in three months,” Dave said, “because the body gets too used to it and it doesn’t do any good anymore. So after those three months I have one month to live.

“I have to go to the doctors Friday,” he said, “but they refuse to see me now. Because a heart transplant costs over $2 million and my house is being foreclosed on. I have no money and even if I got a transplant I can’t afford the anti-rejection pills that you have to take for the rest of your life to make sure the body accepts the new heart.”

We were making our way over the George Washington bridge. The traffic and heat and sun and police blocks, confusing corners, bridges were all slowing us down.

“This is depressing,” he said. “Let’s talk about something else.”

—

“Were you good at fighting?” I asked. “When was the last fight you were in?”

“Ever since I was 7, I just loved putting my fist in someone’s face. If someone hurt me, it was a guarantee I was going to hurt them harder. But I’m not like that anymore. Now I’m just grateful every second to be alive.”

He said, “A few weeks ago I was at a bar with my friend. I had the tube tucked away in what I was wearing. Some guys started bothering my friend who was talking to a cute girl. So I asked them to stop. They started to get closer to me and I was moving back. They were huge and juiced up and I didn’t know what was going to happen.

“To be honest, I should’ve left them alone because if they ripped this tube out I would have been in serious trouble. This tube is connected right into my heart. But I poked the main guy in the eye really hard. I just jabbed right in the center of the eye.”

He looked at me through the rear view mirror. “What would you do if someone jabbed you in the eye?” he asked.

“I guess I would probably cry,” I said.

“No,” he said, “you’d put your hands on your eyes and you’d bend forward. That’s what everyone does.

“Then, while the guy was bent forward, I hit at his Adam’s apple on his throat. I just did it lightly. If I had done it stronger I would’ve broken his windpipe. He was down on the ground and the bouncer threw him out. The whole thing took five seconds.”

“How’d you learn to do that?”

“I’ve just been doing it all my life. When I was younger I studied boxing and all the martial arts. That’s why I wanted to do ultimate fighting. But now I can’t. Now I can’t even go grocery shopping. I have to pay some kids to help me out.”

We were weaving in and out of lanes on the West Side highway. I kept trying to think of solutions for him but my brain was empty and the sun was about to go down.

“I’ve been dead twice,” he said. “And then I would wake up with doctors and nurses all around me and no memory of how I got there.”

“I’m just so happy,” he said. “I’m so happy to be alive.”

—

“I’ve got a 16-year-old kid,” Dave said. “I hope he’s a success in life. That’s all I want. I didn’t really know my dad. He was murdered when I was 5.”

“What happened?” I said.

“I don’t know,” he said. “He wasn’t living with us no more. So my mom and I went over to his house and all I remember is that there was blood everywhere. I remember that he had dark hair. Sometimes I look up at the sky and I hope he can hear me talking to him.”

“And now,” he said, “all I want is to see my son graduate. He graduates in 12 months.”

We were almost home. We were quiet for a block or two.

“I hope everyone is wrong about my four or five months left to live. But right now this second, I am so grateful and happy to be here, to be alive, to be talking to you.”

“What keeps you so optimistic?” I said.

“All of us here,” he said, “are going to die. There’s no exception. We are all going to die. So you have two choices. You can die crying or you can die smiling. I’m going to die smiling.”

We got a little lost thanks to my inability to ever give good directions. Finally we got to my destination.

“Well,” he said, as I was getting out of the car, “I’m going to beat this thing, James. I’m going to come back when nobody said I could and I’m going to beat this thing and get my health back.”

“I know you are, Dave. I really think you are.”

But, in truth, I didn’t.

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I Threw Out All of My Belongings and Then This Happened…

I threw out all my belongings. I was living in Airbnbs. I had one carryon bag that had one or two outfits and a computer and a toothbrush in it.

My rule was, if I bought anything, I had to throw something from the bag out. I lived this way for three years.

I would take the bag with me every morning.

I didn’t want to leave behind any evidence that anyone had stayed in that apartment.

I wanted to disappear. To be invisible. I wanted little or no attachment to the world. It worked for awhile.

—

People said, “You’re a minimalist.”

No I wasn’t. I was probably depressed, to be honest.

I don’t like to own a place. But I didn’t want to rent either. Renting is sometimes too difficult for me. Too much work.

To rent a place in New York City, you have to give them five references and a work reference. You have to show bank statements and get a letter from your accountant.

I have never had a credit card in my life so my odd credit history makes it even more difficult.

I didn’t want to deal with packing and unpacking. I didn’t want to deal with putting stuff in storage.

I was getting anxious thinking about everything involved in maintaining a life. I didn’t want to “maintain” anymore.

I didn’t want to DEAL!

I called my friend Lisa. “Can you get rid of all of my stuff? I don’t care what you do with it. It should take just a few hours.”

It took her five straight days with a truck and everyone in her family helping.

“Are you sure you don’t want to save your college diploma?” she called me in the middle of the week.

“That’s the last thing I ever want to look at it again.”

—

For the next two or three years I had nowhere to go.

I stayed all over the city. I stayed all over the country.

When my kids visited I arranged for a bigger Airbnb. Sometimes when it was just me, I didn’t care where I stayed.

Every few days or weeks I’d get to live in another person’s story.

I didn’t need towels, sheets, dishes, a TV, WiFi. Every AirBnB had them.

I just had my bag.

When I moved into a new place it was like a little surprise. I was a new person. Born again into someone else’s story.

“Did you miss anything?”

I missed everything.

—

Lots of things happened.

The New York Times did a profile on me.

They called me a self-help minimalist. I begged them not to. “I’m a self-helpless maximalist.”

Steven Spielberg’s office called me and I went out and visited them in Los Angeles. They were thinking of a scripted show based on what I was doing.

One time, they found the perfect writer. He pitched how he wanted to write it. “It starts the day after you stop living this way.” I liked his ideas.

But he had a “holding deal” with Sony. He had to ask Sony’s permission. They said no.

A few months later Spielberg’s office called and said they didn’t have time to pursue this anymore.

That’s OK. Most things don’t work out. Better to be a minimalist in expectations than objects.

—

I spoke at the Airbnb open.

Airbnb asked if I could speak at their conference. I went to Los Angeles. I stayed in Airbnbs in Silver Lake and then in Venice Beach.

When I went onstage. I brought my carryon bag. I said, “I’m now officially living on this stage for the next hour.”

I almost got married twice during this time. But I didn’t.

—

What I learned about myself:

MONEY AND CONSUMERISM

Although I like having money, I don’t really need a lot.

Not once during the years I was doing this did I ever buy anything for myself.

I had white button-down shirts and T-shirts and black pants. And a laptop and phone.

Until then I hadn’t realized how much of a daily consumer I’d been all my life.

I wasn’t materialistic but I used to just buy things ALL the time. Like a book. Or food for the house. Or a new shirt. Or a game. Or popcorn. Or whatever.

I started to feel a certain discipline.

Like, if I saw a book, I liked I would think, “I should buy this.”

And then I would stop myself because I knew I would have to throw out a shirt.

Suddenly, I lost all interest in consumerism.

I would invest in experiences. But not things.

There was no “thing” I wanted. Again, though, this could have also been depression.

MAXIMALIST vs. MINIMALIST

I don’t really believe in minimalism.

Or at least Marie Kondo minimalism. A lot of people tell me she really helps them. I believe these people. Why not?

But the idea of taking all of your belongings and putting them one by one to your heart and seeing if you feel a SPARK OF JOY for them seems like a lot of work to me.

I’m too lazy to be a minimalist.

I’m a maximalist. ALL or NOTHING. I couldn’t keep “minimal” things. I threw out everything.

For the first time in my adult life I realized I needed almost nothing.

HAPPINESS IS A STUPID GOAL

People would say to me, “I bet you are so happy now.”

No.

“Happiness” is part of the self-help cult.

There were times when I really missed my things.

I missed books, comic books, games, and photo albums of my parents and family. Even framed photos of my kids. Things I had carried around for almost 30 years.

Now I had none of them.

I missed them and when I thought about them it made me sad. I felt melancholy.

Sometimes I would deliberately picture the things I missed in order to bring to life the memories.

My daughter, a tiny, tiny girl, running to me when I got off the train, jumping into my arms. The moment caught by a photo I no longer had.

Melancholy made me think of how much I loved my kids, my family, the books that I had accumulated over the years and how I had come to fall in love with each one.

I had thrown out writing I had done almost 30 years earlier. The first novel I had written. Or short stories. I miss those right now.

I wish I could see them. It makes me think fondly of when I was working so hard at them and getting hundreds of rejections.

The past comes to life for me in a new and beautiful way.

CREATIVITY

I never cooked, cleaned, bought things, and I could go wherever I wanted. And like I said, I could peak into the lives of maybe hundreds of other people.

I had huge amounts of creative time because having no belongings and living in someone else’s house meant I didn’t have to deal with hours per week of maintenance.

I didn’t need to buy things. I didn’t need to clean the place. And I never used the dishes or glasses.

I ended up with so much free time that I was able to write and read every day for hours uninterrupted. I loved it.

I don’t cook. So I ordered delivery or ate at restaurants.

This means I lost weight. The way I gain weight is when I have to shop. I can’t resist the latest in “potato chip technology.” What is that — spicy, Italian-flavored plaintain chips? Buy!

You can’t order a bag of Doritos when you order at a restaurant. So I ended up never snacking. And I lost weight.

THE BEAUTY OF COINCIDENCE

Every day felt like a mystery.

Like I was a stranger in a new land.

Many coincidences happened. Because I was always in different places, I kept running into people I knew from different parts of my life.

The more mystery I gave to myself, the more coincidences I had. Almost every day.

I stopped being surprised by them. It was a new feeling to expect coincidences to happen every day.

EXPERIMENT

Throwing everything out was an experiment for me. I think it’s good to be a scientist of your life.

To study it. To question assumptions. To test. To try.

I think I had previously lived by routine. You can’t have consistent habits if you are always moving.

I started doing experiments in almost every area of my life during this time. Even in the way I negotiated. Because I didn’t really care so much.

Sometimes I’d sit on the sidewalk and ask for money all day (hmmm, depression?).

Another time I did standup comedy in various subway cars.

Another week I decided I would “play” every day.

I went to a rifle range, an archery class, a dance class, an escape room, laser tag, a VR arcade, and played a lot of chess that week.

IDENTITY

After awhile the entire experience lost the feeling of mystery. And I got tired of moving around.

I realized I was no longer enjoying it. But I liked the “identity” of it.

I was THAT GUY who threw everything out and was living in Airbnbs.

I was a prisoner of my own experiment. It was hard to admit to myself (and especially to others) that the experiment was over.

Being “that guy” made me feel special. But that identity was a “thing” also and I had to throw it away.

So I got an apartment.

It was an empty apartment.

I got a table. I got a chair. And a bed. And sheets. And towels. And dishes.

Then I bought a book. And another.

Then I got a chessboard. And a Go board.

Then I bought more books. Then I got a TV. Then I bought more chairs and a couch. And Alexa! And more.

Then I bought a vintage 1982 Defender arcade game for $300.

I love playing it. I could play it all day. It has Defender, Robotron, and Joust on it. I learned how to fix it when it breaks.

I love opening a real book. Reading printed words.

“Alexa, play ‘You Only Live Twice!”

I still don’t feel like a consumerist. But I’m not anti-things either.

Some people say it can’t be home if you are just renting. But if I love where I am right this second, then that’s my home.

For now. Change will always happen. I will have to move eventually. But I love coming home now.

I bought more than two shirts. Then I got married.

Sometimes all five kids (and a dog) stay with us. I have three step-kids and two kids.

Sometimes I’ll bump into an old acquaintance and they will ask me, “Are you still doing that minimalist thing?”

No. I never did.

(The photo above is from week one after I threw everything out but my bag.)

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Person, Places, or Things?

My friend wanted to be a famous artist. But she said, “I can do it in Paris. I feel that will inspire me.”

She had unopened paintbrushes in her apartment. Waiting to be packed. 

Twenty years later, she’s a computer programmer at an accounting firm in California.

Another friend of mine is divorced and thinks she will never meet another guy again. She wants to meet a guy.

She is 50 and incredibly healthy and good-looking. Every time I see her she insists, “I will never meet anyone! I’m too old.”

She is very convincing.

—

One friend of mine thinks $30 million is his “number.”

“How did you get that number?” I asked.

“I just know. And I’ll get there. Soon.”

He works 80 hours a week. He barely sees his wife and kids.

He’s 56 years old. “When I’m at that number, I’m going to work on my golf.”

I don’t know how to properly live my life. Sometimes I do it OK and sometimes I mess up.

For 15 years of my life (and sometimes now), I was focused on having a person, a place or things. “Then I will be happy!”

Those were the worst 15 years of my life.

—

One time I gave up. “I give up!”

I was day trading. I had a bad day. Lost money. Also, I got rejected by two publishers that day for my next book.

And nobody was returning my calls about a business idea I had.

Screw this, I thought.

I took a walk. I kept walking. I wouldn’t stop. I was outside of New York because lack of job exiled me 70 miles north.

I stopped by this place I had never been before by the Hudson River. It was like a mini-beach.

I waded into the river. I didn’t care anymore. I was sick of myself.

People were looking at me because I had all my clothes on. The river was warm. I remember a boat just sitting there. People in it.

The sun was a fiery dagger plunging into the mountains across the river. I watched it kill the mountain.

It was hot so when I walked home my clothes dried.

I started writing. Instead of writing about stocks, I wrote about times I had failed.

It felt good. It tickled my heart. I wrote more.

I wrote a story about a woman I once liked. I wrote about losing my home and how I cried.

I wrote about the time Yasser Arafat invested in my company (he lost his investment). I laughed at what I wrote.

I wrote every day, 1,000 words a day. Sometimes 2,000 words.

I took more walks. I often returned to that spot by the river but I never felt like swimming it again. It seemed too muddy to me.

Now I live in the city. I’m busier. I don’t have as much time to write.

When I went into the water that one time with my clothes on, I tried to float. But I couldn’t.

So I went underwater. When I rose up, the sky erased me. The last bright orange lying over the mountains was burning into my brain.

I walked home. Bad day in the market. Nobody in my life. No number in the bank. Exiled from opportunity in the city. Slightly wet. I collapsed asleep with my clothes on.

Happy.

***

[I wish I could live more like the quote in the image. It finds me, then escapes me, then finds me.]

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