Wednesday, January 17, 2018

The Tim Ferriss Animation. PLUS…Why I Can’t Stop Learning From Tim Everyday??

Tim wrote to me, I wrote back, then he never wrote back.

Finally we met and he said, “I owe you an email”.

No problem. Always no problem.

We became friends after that. I’ve been on his show, he’s been on mine, we email, talk, have a billion mutual friends, etc.

Every day I learn from Tim. Not only by asking him questions directly when I need to. But also, I constantly re-read “Tools of the Titans”, one of my favorite books.

Read it. Read it again. Keep it near your bathroom or your night stand.

Tim views every aspect of his life as an experiment.

He is the reason I think the “10,000 hour rule” (10,000 hours of deliberate practice is the only way to achieve your peak potential) is a very breakable rule.

Tim breaks the rules. In fact, if I can learn only ONE thing from Tim is that EVERY RULE IN SOCIETY CAN BE BROKEN.

The person who breaks all the rules is the person who escapes the prison the rules cage us in.

His main philosophy seems to be:

– STUDY the scientific research and history but with heavy skepticism and open minded-ness.

Don’t ask, “what truths do I learn from science”. Ask, “What questions is science studying. What questions haven’t they asked yet and how can I ask them?”

– SAMPLE SIZE OF ONE.

The only valid sample size for an experiment on YOURSELF is a sample size of ONE…the results on you. If something works for you, then…it works.

If you fast for a week and feel great and do all the proper tests for health and you are doing well on each test then…it’s working.

Don’t believe anything else. Believe your body.

– EXPERIMENT.

Everything is open for experimentation:

physical health, mental health (using any extreme method), media (I’ve seen from the early beginnings Tim’s experiments from blogging to books to podcasts to TV to other media), entrepreneurship (Tim’s been an entrepreneur, a VC, an angel investor, an adviser, etc and this has been the main way he has created financial freedom for himself).

To experiment you not only have to DO but you also have to DO NOT when the results are in.

– QUADRUPLE DOWN:

If something works, quadruple down. Tim advised me over a year ago to triple down on my podcast. I did and he was right.

My skills are better. My listeners are up. My podcasts are better. And guests no longer say no.

– PLAY

If something doesn’t work, look at new ways of doing it.

Tim didn’t enjoy the experience of his first TV show, so he figured out how to make the TV show format work for him (easier to produce, easier to monetize through other formats).

He doesn’t give up. He figures out how to further eliminate the obstacles that prevented him from being happy.

Study the differences between his first TV show and his second and you’ll see what I mean.

– MENTORS.

Interview all of the experts.

Before he started his podcast, Tim called me (and I assume many others) and drilled me for an hour on every aspect of doing a podcast. Now he has one of the top podcasts on the planet.

Mentorship is very much a key to Tim’s success.

– HACK THE 10,000 HOURS.

Tim’s philosophy seems to be: 10,000 hours is a rule that is made to be broken.

He figures out where his strengths are, hits the accelerator on them, and uses those strengths to cut out 8,000+ of those 10,000 hours.

Next podcast I do with Tim, I want to do it JUST on the 10,000 hour rule since I think he is now the biggest expert in the world on it.

– CONSUME / LEARN

Every Friday, Tim puts out his 5 pieces of media that he is intrigued by that week.

He consumes all forms of media and tries to learn from everything.

I’m debating doing a similar kind of article but afraid of being seen as copying him. Tim has no such fear!

Tim is so analytical about every piece of information that he is able to grab valuable knowledge out of all media he touches.

– EVOLVE

I don’t want to say, “Every time I see him, he’s a different person”, which is the first thing I started to say (having known him for about six years).

But every time I see Tim, he is changed.

He studies himself and makes adjustments. The way he eats, works out, reads, speaks, relates to people, listens to people, even his use of vocabulary, always seems to change every time we interact.

– AUTHENTICITY

Over the past six years or so, I’ve seen Tim go from an “expert” to someone deeply committed to being authentic about his flaws, studying them, trying to correct them, in real time in front of an audience.

My guess is, he was at first afraid to admit weakness.

But since then, I’ve seen him admit great weakness, and how he learned to adjust and evolve with those weaknesses.

This is far more valuable than any guidance from experts. Tim realized this from a media perspective but then I think from a personal one as well.

That when you come to grips with your internal honesty and admit to your flaws publicly, that this gives you the tools and strength and ideas to deal with those flaws.

– PODCAST

People sometimes ask me: what’s the difference between Tim’s podcast and yours.

I’m going to be honest on all of my answers here:

– We’re both interested in peak performance. And our guests overlap. But I think he’s slightly more focused on peak PHYSICAL performance than I am.

His interests are more varied in that area and mine might be more varied in other areas (comedy, writing, games, outlier areas).

– Weeds. Tim will get into the technical weeds more with his guests.

I tend to focus slightly more on the intersection between what I am curious about and what the commuter listening might be curious about.

– Format.

Tim started off as an interview show on his podcast. but now he plays much more with format.

Shows that are splices from prior shows (e.g. shows about a concept instead of a person). Shows that are just Tim talking about things he’s exploring, etc. I need to do more of that also.

– Interview.

I think both Tim and I have gotten a lot better at interviewing.

Tim is so intellectual in his interviews it singlehandedly raises the vocabulary of the entire podcast space. But, that said, Tim is able to pull deep personal truths out of his many guests.

I don’t know if Tim does this but I try to think of all the audiences of my podcast:

a. The guest. I want them to think, “This guy prepared more than anyone ever prepared for me”. Plus, I kind of want each guest to become my new best friend. Kareem!

b. The people in the waiting room. Every one of my podcasts has an audience. Audio people, publicists, friends, producers, guests, etc. I want them to think, “whoah! I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

c. Listeners. I want people to think, “I can’t turn away from this. My life is getting better because of this podcast.”

d. Companies. Usually the guest is promoting something. I want the companies behind those products (a book, a show, etc) to see that my podcast is a great place for them to promote. I don’t ask on a guest unless I love what they are doing.

I’ve actively rejected guests (and lost friends over it) when I didn’t like their book or product and had to cancel the podcast as a result.

e. Me. If I don’t feel good about a podcast afterwards, I am very hard on myself. I go over and over it until I figure out what went wrong. Maybe I’m too hard on myself. I wonder if Tim Ferriss is as well.

– Guests. I think Tim draws good celebrity guests (although I’ve been catching up a little on this) but he also invites a lot of guests that he’s simply curious about. He has a bit more confidence in his audience than I do. I want to be better at that.

Tim’s an acquaintance. We don’t go out drinking. I don’t call him when I have a relationship issue (unlike at least 50% of my other guests who are probably sick of my calls. Coolio! AJ Jacobs!).

But I learn this:

EXPERIMENT
DOUBLE-DOWN on what works
LEARN from everything
GIVE advice freely
PLAY with every format
ANALYZE the value (and pain) of everything you do to know what to double-down on and what to eliminate
RULES are made to be studied and then broken

The above are the keys to freedom.

He’s not “The Four Hour Work Week” guy. He’s an explorer of his own life. He makes discoveries every day.

I want to do that also. Please, let me have the strength to do it.

[Watch this animation. Tell me if you want more like this.]

Have you listened to my recent podcast with Tim?

More Podcasts with Tim Ferriss on the James Altucher Show:

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Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Ep. 305 – Bill Beteet: The Pursuit… Sacrificing Everything You Know for What You Really Love

It’s weird. Normally, the people I interview on this podcast are at the end of their career. Bill is just starting. He spent years in law school. And then made up his mind (after a day of fasting) that he’s going to be a comedian.

“I came to the decision that I wanted to be a stand-up comic during Yom Kippur, I’m not Jewish, but a friend of mine told me, ‘You just fast for a day. Don’t eat food. Don’t drink water and think if today was the last day of my life, what would I have done differently?’”

He was in school to become a Marine lawyer. It was a career path that everyone approved of. Society approves. His parents approve.

It’s almost like you have to break out of the matrix to get the courage to say, “Okay, I just spent 12 years in grade school, 4 years in college, 3 years in law school all for this one goal: to become a lawyer. And now I’m going to throw it all away”

I wanted to know why… because I could see this was the making of a “choose yourself” story.

“I calculated it out,” he said. “I figured I can out-work a lot of these guys.”

And the work turned into love.

“I cultivated this really huge love for stand-up,” he said. “It imbued my life with meaning, the more I sacrificed for it and the harder I pursued it.”

But there was also shame. He had to disappoint his circle (his teachers, his fellow classmates, his family and everyone who believed in him.)

“In law school, whenever a teacher would ask me what kind of law I wanted to practice, I would say, bold-faced in the class, ‘I’m gonna be a comedian.’ I felt people pull back. And I felt ashamed. Like what am I really doing? What if this doesn’t work out?”

“So why’d you decide not to be a lawyer and go for stand up comedy?” I said.

“At the end… what I’m really pursuing is to be my own fan.”

And then it made sense. Approval from others doesn’t guarantee success or happiness. It guarantees nothing. Sometimes it guarantees that you’ll be miserable.

Bill told me about the time he stopped seeking his mom’s faith in him. And how he replaced it with his own.

This podcast is filled with lessons on commitment and confidence, but more than that it’s taught me the true value of the pursuit…

Bill quit his career to become a comedian.

He broke through the matrix. And he’s free.

 

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Ep. 304 – Dov Davidoff: Vulnerability is Good. (It Can Set You Apart)

Dov’s mom was a wacko who belonged to a cult and spent most of her money on freeze dried foods. She was waiting for the apocalypse.

And his father ran a junkyard. He was gay. And emotionally abusive to Dov. So one of the jokes Dov tells on stage is about his parent’s relationship. He says his mom knew that her husband was gay. But somehow, her biggest problem with him was that he ate too much sugar.

The situation is incredibly odd. And undeniably funny.

But he doesn’t talk about it in his stand up at all.

I wondered why.

I remember seeing Dov on stage. He was creating this weird, sort of anger or tension with his subject.

Example: He was trashing his wife, right in front of her. And she was laughing. (I was confused.)

But this is Dov’s interpretation of comedy. And that’s really why I was interviewing him.

“I don’t think of it as trashing. I think of it as telling the truth. And that truth may be a little challenging to hear, but if I’m being honest then that’s the truth. You can talk about anything if you can make it funny.”

Comedy became a self defense mechanism for Dov to deal with the pain.

It’s sort of indirect. Because he never talks about this in his comedy…

“I’m learning to access more of the sadness and the fear that I’ve associated with my own core insecurities. I’m learning to show more of that because, if I don’t, the art form won’t evolve.”

“What do you mean?” I asked him. “What does it mean the art form won’t evolve?”

He told me the difference between being an entertainer and an artist. To Dov, “comedian” doesn’t stop at laughs. It has to explore the whole truth.

He said he wants his comedy to be complex. Valley, Peak, Valley, Peak. Laughter to sadness. And back up again.

“My childhood had more violence and more profanity and it was a much more difficult place to be,” Dov said.

“I’m sure you have a lot of great, funny stories about growing up, but you don’t necessarily tell those in your stand-up.”

“I don’t have that many…” he said. “They all are so sad to me.”

And he started laughing. I think because we laugh when dealing with our sick truths.

Some of these stories are in his book, “Road Dog: Life and Reflections from the Road as a Stand-up Comic.”

Different pains take different expressions. “I’m doing some material now about my father. And about couples therapy. I mean anything can be funny if told right. But I don’t have a joke about the junkyard. I don’t have a joke about my grandfather. These were deeply funny places and people, but…”

He paused. Or maybe I interrupted him.

And then he said, “I’m trying to write more from that place. My voice has got to acknowledge the loneliness and sadness associated with the reason I had to get into comedy in the first place.”

I hope he finds this.  

 

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Monday, January 15, 2018

Ep. 303 – Jeff Goins: Real Artists Don’t Starve

There’s nothing romantic about starving. There’s nothing cute about living off salvia. Everyone loves Beyonce and Jay-Z for their art AND their wealth. But when painters ask for payment, they’re spit on (metaphorically).

So what makes some artists worthy of wealth?  And how can I can achieve that? How can you?

“It comes down to mindset,” Jeff Goins said. “Professionals have a professional mindset.”

Jeff is the bestselling author of “Real Artists Don’t Starve.” And I’ve been wanting him to come on this podcast for over a year.

When we finally met, I was late.

“What does that mean?” I said. “What does it mean to have a professional mindset?”

He gave me an examples (Michelangelo, Walt Disney, James Altucher, Shakespeare, etc.)

Shakespeare didn’t only write plays. He built the theater. This is key to choosing yourself. It’s why I self-publish.

Fact: whenever you try to make a dollar, you only get 5 cents of the dollar.

Publishers, producers, editors, gallery owners, theaters, investors, everyone needs to be paid before you.

Unless you understand the basics of how to convert skill into financial wealth.

Example: Jay-Z was president of Def James. (Run DMC created the label) Then he bought Tidal.

He didn’t just subscribe to the system (40 years of doing the art and then getting paid pennies). He housed his work.

That’s the “professional mindset” Jeff is talking about in this podcast.

“This is just my opinion but I argue that what you want to be is not a starving artist… you want to be a thriving artist. That’s somebody who makes money so they can make more art,” Jeff said.

“I know people and you know people, James, who are writers, actors, creatives. They’re not getting picked by the system. They’re not world famous, but they’re thriving. They are making a living doing the kind of work that they believe in. I call that the New Renaissance”

But then I asked him the big question…

HOW do you ask for money? Because a lot of people feel like they can’t.

“Charisma helps,” he said.

But ultimately it came down to this: asking for money is a way of measuring how people value your art.

You’re just trading value. And sometimes finding someone who sees the same value in your work is a challenge. That’s why there’s 5 steps in making art…

  • FIRST: You have to start with your natural talents (what did you love doing as a kid or in your free time?)
  • SECOND: Build up skill (There’s no one skill called “writing” or “basketball.” There are tons of micro-skills involved. But if you can identify the top 5 -10 skills in your area, practice everyday, aim for mastery. The key to step 2 is dedication.)
  • THIRD: Get business sense (see Jay-Z example above… maybe I’ll write a whole post on this. Because there are many examples. But if you listen to the podcast, you’ll hear how Walt Disney built up his business sense, too).
  • FOURTH: Figure out “what does ownership” look like in your space
  • FIFTH: You have to believe in you first. (this is really step 1…) Have faith that your skills, connections and business sense will allow you to take that leap. You’re jumping where there is no bridge. Have faith you’ll hit the other side.

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Thursday, January 11, 2018

The Most Important Reasons I Waste My Life Writing

“Why are we addicts?” I asked my friend.

“What do you mean?”

“My kids don’t’ even know who the Beatles are. Everything you write, everything I write, will be forgotten within three days of us dying,” I said.

I’m addicted to my past. Afraid of my future.

The past is often too painful. It’s an alphabet made out of rain.

I want to assemble the letters into something sensible. So I can live. Live forever.

Why I write:

FOR ATTENTION

I was a spy.

I wrote down “David liked Joanne. He was staring at her”. I wrote down, “Lori likes Jimmy.” I wrote down, “Jennifer likes Robert.”

I think both Robert and Jennifer are dead now.

I was in Fifth grade. I brought in a spiral notebook. The metal at the end of the spiral would stick out and poke me.

And every time I noticed someone in class looking at each other I wrote it down.

What a mystery it is to fall in love!

Everyone wanted to see my notebook. Everyone wanted to know who liked who. “Who likes me?” I still want to know that.

I wouldn’t let anyone look at my notebook. “It’s private!”

Eventually the teacher said, “What is this notebook? Let me see!”

She looked at it. One page. Two pages. Three pages. She said, “Don’t bring this notebook back to class ever again. “

And that is the first time I wrote for a public audience. And the first time someone hated me for something I wrote.

The last time that happened was a few minutes ago (“This guy is stupid and his irrational rants are idiotic” someone wrote in a comment just now on m blog.).

I still write for attention. I hope I get enough confidence in myself to not need other people’s attention to be happy.

But if I’m really honest, I need it. I really need it. And I don’t like it about me.

TO SEEM SMART

The first time I had a “book deal” was when my parent’s friend, a publisher, told me he would publish a book about Rubik’s Cube if I wrote it.

I was 13. I started writing the book. I told everyone I was going to be a published author. I wanted them to think I was smart.

Sanford, the publisher’s name, went to jail.

He was also in the steel business. He’d bribe people who delivered steel to him to give him extra steel. I was never sure I understood how it worked.

I remember his wife was pretty and smelled like perfume.

I still want to be seen as smart. If you are an honest and sincere writer then sometimes people think you are smart but often people will think you are stupid.

When I said, “I don’t think kids should go to college” or… “I don’t think people should own a home” many people think I’m stupid.

Important skill tip #1: don’t just say smart facts. Give a story and interweave the facts into the story. Be a writer and not just smart.

Ok.

I think I can deal with people thinking I’m stupid. I have a tiny bit more confidence. But only a little.

TO ATTRACT WOMEN

When I was 21, I saw Mark Evenson pretend to be a writer and he and Jen Min started going out.

I don’t remember names of people I met yesterday but I remember Jen Min. Because maybe I was in love with her, whatever that means.

And Mark maybe never wrote a word down but he had read Ulysses and smoked cigarettes and seemed “cool” to me. He was a “writer”. I wanted to be a writer.

So I started writing. I wrote every day. I wrote 3000 words a day. I wrote a novel: “The Book of David”. I wrote another novel, “The Porn Writer, The Romance Writer, The Prostitute, and They’re Lovers”. I wrote another novel: “The Book of Orpheus” (I liked “The Book of” back then for some reason).

I wrote another novel. I wrote about 40 stories.

I had no confidence with women at all. I was still the boy with acne and metal rubber banded braces, and cysts, and glasses, and messy hair and dirty hygiene (I still have the last three).

If only I could publish a book, I thought, I’ll be happy. I’ll be a real human and women would like me. Maybe even love me.

Is this a good reason to write?

Maybe.

There’s a lot of sub-skills to writing.

Telling a good story that people can relate to is one of them. To tell a good story you have to have something “different” and something “the same”. “The same” means people can relate and “different” means you can be unique and rise above the rest.

I’m afraid of the day I stop writing.

Will women stop loving me?

Hold on a second, I’m going to ask ….

……

Ok, I asked her. I’m on a flight to Miami. It’s our first trip together. She’s watching a movie with Reese Witherspoon.

I leaned over to her and she took out the earbud.

“If I stopped writing would you stop loving me?”

“Of course not,” she said and, because I like it, she touched my cheek. She looked over at the computer. She read what I was writing. “What are you writing? What’s ‘Hold on a second…’? “

“I had to ask you in order to continue this post.”

“I don’t think you can stop writing,” she said. “Would you stop loving me if I stopped talking?”

“Please god,” I said and she laughed and went back to the movie.

TO BE AN EXPERT

Ryan Holiday wrote an excellent article recently. “PLEASE,” he wrote, “stop writing your ‘books as the new business card.”

He’s right. And, like just about every opinion in the world, he’s wrong.

What’s he’s really saying is: Stop writing lame business self-help books that add no new knowledge to the world.

Don’t just write to get more consulting or speaking gigs. Say something “NEW” so that people can later say, “Your book changed my life.”

If they can’t say that…don’t write it. DON’T.

I get it. Authors get more speaking gigs. But be that person who saves lives. Don’t be boring.

If you write some business self-help book, write about your failures in business and how you overcame them.

Write about the time you lost everything, and the steps (one through ten) that you took to get off of rock bottom. How you often slipped along the way.

How you often disappointed people and felt guilty and ashamed.

How you were embarrassed to tell people the truth about your failures.

And then how you FAILED yet again.

ABS – Always Be Storytelling.

Everyone should write a book. Just don’t write a bad book. Or, if you do, write a second and third book so you can get better.

TO SHARE THINGS THAT WILL HELP PEOPLE

I got fired when I wrote my first book.

I hate thinking I used to write boring finance books. But I did. I’m sorry.

But this one was fun. It was called “Trade Like a Hedge Fund”.

I revealed every single technique I used in my daytrading. I gave away all my secrets. I still have that terrible habit. I like to share everything.

People thought I was crazy. And my boss at the time thought I was stealing ideas from him.

He wrote to me, “I want nothing to do with you financially”.

I wrote back, “It’s too late, you owe me a lot of money from the profits I generated for you.” So he cut me a check that day and we haven’t spoken since.

I did share every technique.

People always say to me (as recently as yesterday), “why do you share so much?”

Because I don’t care. I like to share.

When I was 12 I bought a bag of candy to school. I gave everyone candy. Someone said to me, “Look! Finally people like James!”

I was humiliated and stopped bringing in candy.

We don’t need to grab every dime in the world. Money is less interesting to me than having fun and helping people.

Why should just a few people on Wall Street or Silicon Valley make money. Why be so critical of me if I share?

One person said to me: “Well, if you are so successful, why not just clothe naked kids instead of selling stuff.”

I make almost zero money selling things compared with what I make in investing. Writing is a very very difficult and painful way to make money unless you are JK Rowling or John Grisham.

And maybe I do clothe naked kids. The highest form of charity is to do charity anonymously.

Charity is my own business. I have a particular technique I use for giving. Maybe one day I’ll write about it.

But for now I like just writing about things that embarrass me and cause me to feel ashamed.

TO SHARE EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT MYSELF

“Are you about to kill yourself?” Max asked me in 2010.

“Why?”

“Because you’re sharing all this embarrassing stuff about yourself. I just got worried, that’s all.”

Max has written three excellent non-fiction books.

And yes, my sharing is a cry for help. Suicide is a horrible wretched thing that destroys families.

But often I felt like killing myself.

Writing is often a way to kill that part of me that wanted to kill all of me.

When I share these stories, and see that people relate to them, it makes me feel part of a community.

I used to feel very lonely all of the time.

And because I was raised that I was “the genius”, it was hard for me to admit the times I was so stupid. Stupid stupid stupid!

Lying in the street at three in the morning, drunk, with a girl I didn’t know, with all my money being lost, with all my businesses failing, with employees and friends depending on me, with two little daughters to raise. Stupid.

Now, because I share, I still feel lonely much of the time. But I don’t feel alone.

TO LEARN

I didn’t write “The Power of No” because I was so good at saying ‘No’.

After “Choose Yourself” a publisher called me. “We’ll do any book with you. What do you want to do?”

And I was reading “The Power of Now” right then so I said, “How about the Power of Now but without the ‘w’ at the end. I feel like we don’t need that letter.”

They said, “Deal!”

So now I had a book deal. “The Power of No”.

I am always bad at saying “No” to people. Ask me to a wedding and rather than saying “No” I will just never speak to you again, even if you are my best friend ever (sorry Peter!).

Saying “No” is something I had to learn all my life. That’s what I wrote about in the book. Every way I learned to say “No”. Stories.

You don’t read a book about “How to meet women” by Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt can’t tell me stories of the lifelong struggle to meet someone to date. I can’t relate to him.

The best books are people who have been through the struggle. The only way to really learn is to have hardship, overcome it in various ways as you encounter more and more difficulties, and the come back a changed person to tell the tale.

In other words: Star Wars.

And every other great story ever told. This is called The Arc of the Hero.

Every good writing: a novel, a movie, a non-fiction book, a self-help book, even a tweet, can use the Arc of the Hero to make the writing better.

So sometimes i write in order to become the hero. To look at my hardships, to study how I overcame them, to learn how to better overcome them,

TO MARKET

People sometimes ask me, “how do I market my book?”

The only real answer is: “Write another book”.

Keep on writing. Keep on reading. Keep on building a network. Keep on learning to deal with anxiety. Keep on dealing with writer’s block.

Writing is a marathon. Skill is a marathon. Luck is a marathon.

And that’s painful. It hurts to know how many years we all have in front of us to be true experts and successes at what we do.

Paul Reiser (star of the classic TV series, “Mad About You”, and more recently, “Stranger Things”), told me, “It’s almost as if people beginning to get better are like babies in the womb. The fetus doesn’t realize it can drown in all of the fluids. But the womb protects it. Same with comedians and artists. Else we’d all quit in the beginning.”

We’d all fall apart at the beginning if we realized how truly bad we were. But something protects us.

Perhaps love of what we are doing (which is why one should only do something for love).

The best way to market a book is to simply get GREAT. Getting great makes everything else easy.

LOVE

I watched the movie “8 Mile” and read the book “Influence” by Robert Cialdini on the same day.

While I was watching “8 Mile” I realized, “Eminem, if he knows it or not, is using Cialdini’s EXACT same techniques and cognitive biases to win his rap battle.”

I loved 8 Mile. I loved Cialdini’s book (he came on my podcast).

So I wrote the article: “How to Get an MBA from Eminem”.

It’s one of my most popular posts ever.

I love the rooftop concert of The Beatles. I wrote about it. It’s one of my favorite posts ever.

When I realized, what it took for me to bounce back from suicidal depression to potential success I wrote “How to be the Luckiest Person Alive in 4 Easy Steps”. It’s by far my most popular post ever.

I only write about what I love. I only write stories from my life that had an impact on me.

It reminds me of doing standup comedy. I’ve been doing standup comedy 3-6 times a week now for the past year.

Every month I’m 100% better than the month before (I hope).

One of the most recent things I’ve realized is: if I’m having fun, the audience will have fun. They want to join in the fun I am having.

The audience (the readership) is an X-Ray machine. They know when you are having a party. They know when you are nervous. They know when you are afraid of them. They know when you love them.

They will then treat you the way you deserve.

Writing is hard. Typing is boring. The past is dark.

But if you don’t start with love, you’ll never end with beauty.

I’m being honest.

I write to get people to like me. I write because after 25 years, I’m pretty good at it and I use this skill to help me communicate my desires and feelings and needs. I write because I’m insecure. Because I’m afraid.

And because I love it. I love being stopped in the street and someone saying, “You’re writing changed my life. Thank you.” I hope I always love it. We’ll see.

Money can be a side effect of writing (or any art). But you can’t do art just for money.

Once you accept money, you just capped your career and growth.

Nothing wrong with that. Just be aware of it.

The past two years I’ve written fiction, non-fiction, memoir, a children’s book, TV scripts, a comic book, and I’ve helped many other people with their writing.

I hope I never stop. But I never predict the future.

I love it.

Thank you for reading.

I love you.

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Tuesday, January 9, 2018

The Amazing Power of Roots

After divorce, I moved back into the Chelsea Hotel. This was ten years ago.

Robert was behind the desk in 2007. Robert was behind the desk in 1995 when I had originally moved in.

I hadn’t seen him since I moved out in 1998, about three months after I had been married. Which already tells you where I was heading: right back here.

In 2007, I walked in with my one bag. Robert barely looked up.

“You again,” he said. His first words to me in ten years. And then he checked me into a room.

I was home.

The Chelsea Hotel had bad art all over the walls. Sometimes struggling artists would pay the rent in art. You never know!

Sometimes other people paid in… other ways. But I paid with cash each time.

The first time I moved in was in 1995. I had done my first website for money. It still exists: diamondcutters.com.

Shlomo, the owner of the diamond company, paid me with a paper bag filled to the rim with cash. He’s dead now. Died in a plane crash looking for diamonds in Russia.

Shlomo had a secretary with a wine-colored scar, blotting out the landscape of her cheek.

I loved her. I wanted to lick the scar right off of her cheek.

I took the bag of cash and went to The Chelsea Hotel and waited in the lobby for hours for Stanley Bard, the owner to show up.

“What are you? A drug dealer?” he asked me. But he took the money and got me a room.

Back in the hotel again a decade later. I was scared of my life. I figured I would kill myself in six months if things didn’t get better.

I was getting to know a woman. Stephanie. We had been to dinner a few times. She was a psychiatrist. I was always afraid she would discover my secret and think (know!) I was crazy.

She came over and we watched a movie. Superbad. She thought the room was disgusting. “How can you live here?” she said.

The hotel had used condoms on the staircases (I had to hide the eyes of my kids once when walking down the stairs).

There was every type of addict living in every other room. Plus a few tourists. I was somewhere in the middle. Never feeling comfortable with anyone.

When the Chelsea Hotel opened in 1884 it was either the largest hotel in the world or one of the largest buildings. I forget which record it broke. It broke a lot of records.

My apartment was missing the door to the bathroom. And all the furniture was really old and probably dirty. I didn’t care. I loved it.

In the mornings I would wake up, feeling both miserable and lonely and lucky at the same time.

I was home, even if I felt too much depression to move in the morning. Why does the sun come through the window? Who asked it?

Stephanie left after the movie. The next day she called me. She had been to her psychiatrist.

She said, “My psychiatrist thinks we shouldn’t date,” she said. “She says because you live in a hotel room that you have no real roots. You have to get rooted.”

“I didn’t know psychiatrists see psychiatrists,” I said. I imagined an infinite ladder of psychiatrists that would filter guidance down to the people who simply know they are ashamed and have nobody to talk to.

“You need to get roots. You need to get a real place.”

This is real, I said. This is where I’m from.

No it isn’t, she said.

“What if I live in the building across from yours?”

“Too close. That’s too fast.”

“What if I live downtown,” I said, “Near where I have some friends.”

“Too far,” she said. “I don’t feel like going 45 minutes back and forth every time I see you.”

This makes it seem like she was high maintenance. I don’t know. She seemed like an adult and I felt like a little boy.

One time we were on a date and we had a conversation and it made me unhappy and it ended with me crying and her leaving. Or, at least, I didn’t call her back or contact her ever again.

A few weeks later she sent me an email. “What happened? I cancelled all my dating site memberships because of you.”

I just checked her Facebook page. I guess some time in the past ten years she blocked me.

From 2015 to 2017 I lived in Airbnbs. I had no address. I could move in one second’s notice since I never unpacked and lived with just 2-3 outfits and a computer out of one carry on bag.

I guess I had no roots. Nothing seemed to work for me. I just moved from place to place.

During this time I discovered I had friends. After all these books and articles and podcasts, some people wanted to be my friend.

The NY Times wrote about me. A TV company wanted to do a sitcom about me. A reality TV company wanted to do a reality show.

Everyone said, “I would love to live that sort of life.” People said I was a minimalist but I think I was just lazy. And a voyeur.

I liked looking at everyone’s life. The people who gave me their houses.

This one liked toy planes. This other one had three pianos. This one was an artist who painted nude little boys.

Another one was under indictment for something. Once the police were banging on the door. He was texting me at the same time: “Don’t let them in!”

Another one was in charge of the central bank of a major country. I think Australia or New Zealand. From her place I could see directly into David Bowie’s apartment. My favorite of favorites.

Then he died and I left a something at his something.

I was in one floor. Two floor. Three floors. I had pools, views, and sometimes nothing. I lived all over the country in Airbnbs. Every owner wanted to please me because I was THE Airbnb guy.

Everyone had a story. I could only figure out bits and pieces of the story.

About two months ago I moved into a new place. Not an Airbnb. MY place. For the first time in my life I moved into a place by myself and bought furniture.

I felt I had to move. I felt I needed to move to stop moving.

I loved the building.

It’s like an old man’s Chelsea Hotel. Many artists have lived here. Cyndi Lauper. Nora Ephron.

My neighbor is the daughter of one of my favorite authors of all time. He’s dead now but he lived in that apartment. I re-read his book twice.

The real estate agent was disgusted with me, “I can show you better apartments.”

Another guy said, “You won’t get your money’s worth there.”

I didn’t care.

I wanted to rent this building. My real estate agent said, “the board will never approve you. You never had a credit card. You have no credit score.”

I gave 13 months in advance.

“I have never seen them approve someone so fast,” the real estate agent said.

I moved in. I didn’t even look anywhere else. I KNEW this was the building.

A friend picked out all the furniture. “Keep it very minimalist,” and only blacks and whites and some blues.

I still had only a few outfits so most of the closets are still empty.

But I bought books again.

The books I always loved. It’s like they leapt out of my computer and onto a bookshelf. I love to feel the pages. I want to bathe in a bathtub of books.

And I had friends over. In fact, I had friends. Friends!

I felt good. One morning I woke up and I felt this huge wave of stabilization sweep over me. Like this was home.

Like I was a tree with roots deep into the ground. I felt strong.

Now if I want anyone to enter into my life, they now have to be GOOD enough to enter into my home. My life was gated by my home. By the ghosts and angels that moved in with me and protected me.

I realized the ways I had been always pandering to others. Trying to get people to like me. And I’m the guy who WROTE “Choose Yourself”.

Now I could just go home if I got scared outside. I had a home. Even if I was “just” renting.

I re-read my own book. I learn every time I read it. I wrote the book because I needed it. Not because I was an expert. But because I’m always the student.

I still felt like a minimalist.

A minimalist of worries and anxiety. Even of desires. Because desires and moments of happiness are just as addictive as despair.

I was a minimalist of what it would take me to feel well-being. .

I’d like to say my life got better.

That suddenly a gray fog lifted up above me for the first time and everything was clear: who I should be with, what will make me happy, what will make me free and powerful, and what won’t.

I’d like to be able to say this.

So I will.

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Ep. 302 – Aaron Carroll: It’s All Relative: Nutrition Myths Debunked

Every woman I’ve ever had a relationship with has been healthier than me.

And they’re always lecturing me.

Even my 15 year old daughter.

So I invited Aaron Carroll, pediatrician and the author of “The Bad Food Bible: How and Why to Eat Sinfully” on the podcast. I wanted to throw out every argument ever made about coffee, carbs, alcohol, MSG, BACON, antioxidants, the list goes on!

Aaron can dismantle the rumors. And give you your control back (when it comes to health).

“There are people who make claims all the time about these kinds of things (food crazes, the latest media hyped diet, etc.), but there’s no conclusive links. This is the healthiest the human race has ever been ever.”

The healthiest the human race has ever been!

Aaron looks at ALL the scientific research. And figured out that someone is always misinterpreting the data. (Either the consumer or the media)

Half the studies are good and half are bad.  

So really, when it comes to your food it’s a sample size of one. If something makes you feel good, it’s probably good for you. If it makes you feel bad, it’s probably bad for you.

Simple.

“This idea that somehow the food is poisoning us and we’re all in mortal danger is somewhat bizarre, we’re doing great,” Aaron said.   

And you know it’s funny because he’s right. We’re always looking for the latest craze that’s making us fatter, giving us cancer, or increasing our risk of heart disease or strokes.

“People argue that processed meat raises your relative risk of colon cancer by 18%,which sounds scary… But that would mean, if I chose today to eat an extra three pieces of bacon everyday for the rest of my life, my overall lifetime risk of colon cancer MIGHT go up 1/2 of 1%,” Aaron said.  

You’d have to eat three EXTRA pieces of bacon a day and still your risk doesn’t go up that much.

I think diet comes down to fear. We’re afraid of dying. Or having a heart attack or being ugly. And it turns out that all food has some inherent risk. And it varies. We are not all created equal.

What may work for you, is probably going to give me a stomach ache.

And drinking two cups of coffee at 3 in the afternoon is going to make me more creative, but would maybe make you stay up all night.

The answers lie within yourself.   

So here are my top ten takeaways from Aaron to live a healthier life…

ONE: Limit processed foods as much as possible.

TWO: Exercise 30 minutes a day, even if it’s just a brisk walk – exercise is like a miracle drug.

THREE: Be Mindful. (Is what you’re eating too easy?)

FOUR: Start cooking for yourself more (this way, you know exactly what you’re consuming)

FIVE: Stop drinking your calories. (You can drink a soda and get massive amounts of sugar and empty calories in minutes)

SIX: Don’t deprive yourself. (Aaron said, “If you feel like you’re depriving yourself because you haven’t had pasta in years I’d say there’s probably very little danger of once in awhile enjoying it.”)

SEVEN: Salt is what makes food taste good. (“The amount of salt that you’re adding at the table from the salt shaker is inconsequential almost compared to what’s already in your food. If you’re cooking for yourself, you almost couldn’t add too much salt.)

EIGHT: Don’t abuse alcohol… but 1-2 drinks a day isn’t going to kill you

NINE: Focus on your needs vs. your wants

TEN: You’ll gain weight if you eat too much of anything.

But most of all, do what works for you. Because the best diet is one you can stick to.

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