How I Overcame A Fear Of Flying And Changed My Life In Every Way

I saw a plane crash.

Sometimes people have seen a fake plane crash. Like in a movie. And sometimes people see a plane crash on the news if someone miraculously took footage of it.

But I saw a plane crash right in front of me.

And 100s of people were incinerated that second in front of my eyes.

You might think: why hasn’t he written about this before? For an obvious reason I’ll explain in a second.

I saw a plane crash and afterwards I had nightmares.

For the first year I had nightmares almost every night. The nightmares would have two forms.

Either I’d see a plane crash in the nightmare (the obvious one). Or I would often have a nightmare that a tidal wave was coming over New York City and I’d try to run to escape but I could never run fast enough and I’d wake up in a panic.

Super vivid!

I had this nightmare on average five times a week for the first year.

Then, it would be about once a week for the next four years. And then it finally started to die down.

For some reason, every time I moved into a new apartment I started having the nightmares again. I don’t know why.

When I moved into Airbnbs, I didn’t have the nightmares. I lived in Airbnbs for three years.

I think big changes that seemed permanent would trigger the nightmare for me.

Because when you sign a lease on an apartment you give up some control over your life. Airbnbs you have maximum control. I can leave whenever I want and I’m not responsible for any personal belongings.

I had never been afraid of planes before the plane crash. I never minded turbulence. I was never afraid to fly.

I guess it’s obvious, but once I saw a plane crash with my own two eyes I couldn’t handle even the slightest turbulence.

It was only a myth I told myself that I had even a slight amount of control over the events in my life.

I didn’t fly for about four years after I saw the crash but I was surprised at how scared I was when I eventually got on a plane again. .

The slightest air bump and I would be convinced we were crashing.

I’d say to myself, “never again never again never again” and I would think to myself, “I’m never going to see my kids again”.

I would always want to cry on the plane. Or ask the stewardess of turbulence is normal. Or I’d turn on music super loud so my ears would hurt and distract me.

Then something happened that was wonderful.

I saw the TV show, “LOST“. It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen this show or not.

I was listening to Jerry Seinfeld on Norm McDonald’s podcast yesterday and he said something I never even remotely thought of before.

He said, “People like a show when they like the background. When they want to BE in that place.”

I never thought of that. I always thought people liked shows because of the stories, the characters, the humor, the drama, etc.

And I’m sure this is mostly true. But I never even considered that people like a show because the place the show happens.

But then I thought: “LOST“.

In LOST, the very first scene, a plane crashes on an island. The rest of the series is about how special that island is.

From the very first show to the finale (which many people hated but I didn’t), I wanted to be on that island. The island was mysterious and magical and beautiful.

And I wanted to be friends with Jack and Kate and Hurley, the main characters.

I loved them. I loved the island. I loved the magic of the island. There was a certain aspect of “faith”. That faith in the island could bring magic into your life. Like The Force in Star Wars.

After that show, I stopped being afraid of flying.

Now when I fly, if there is turbulence, I close my eyes and pray.

I pray that we crash. I pray that the turbulence gets worse. I pray that somehow or other we crash and I land on the island of LOST.

I know this is not realistic.

But doing that actually made me feel BETTER when the turbulence got worse instead of more scared.

I look forward to turbulence the way someone buying a lottery ticket knows they are going to lose but is basically buying a few moments of daydreams: what if I win?

What if I land on “the island”?

Every turbulence in life can be viewed that way. Change can always turn into magic.

I’ve had so much turbulence in my life in the past 20 years. Like many people.

But now I mostly look forward to it. I know that every turbulent moment has the seeds of fortune sewn into it.

In the past three years I’ve had many changes. Most of my friends would say, “too many changes”.

Frightening changes. Crazy changes. Changes that should happen once every few years happen almost every month. Or every week.

But because I’ve ratcheted up my changes in every way, I increased the chances of magic.

And magic has happened.

But: why did I see a plane crash and why don’t I ever write about it?

It’s the obvious; I had breakfast at the World Trade Center on 9/11. I was walking home on Church Street at 8:45 am.

My business partner, Dan Kelly, turned towards me and said, “Is the President coming to town today?” Because there was this jet flying low (600 feet high) right at us, right down Church Street.

And then it passed right over us. Everyone sort of ducked because 600 feet is pretty low.

And then we watched it crash right into the World Trade Center.

Why have I never really written about it? Because a lot of people had it a lot worse and it’s not my story to tell.

But it did trigger nightmares and a fear of flying. The nightmares disappeared after about five or six years.

But with the fear of flying I learned something.

I had to ALWAYS lean into the worst case scenario. Crashing.

Sort of like bombing on stage at standup comedy. Nobody wants to crash. Nobody wants to bomb on stage. Everyone wants the best things to happen all the time.

But that’s not how the world works. Life is hard.

We can’t control it. But people want to believe we can.

That’s why there’s all these BS books like “The Secret”. A false belief we can get tickets for a vacation just by wishing for them.

But if you do the opposite of those “control” or “law of attraction” books, that’s when a beautiful life can be born.

Often the true magic – the sweetness we are afraid to taste – are buried in the bitterness and horror of reality. This is where true faith happens.

And I’m a magician.

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Give and Give and Give and Give.

I’m speaking about suicide tonight. And failure. And despair.

I’m speaking about how when you lose all hope, you can still lose more. But it’s at that point, you have an enormous opportunity to gain.

Specifically, how I gained when I was at that moment.

But that’s not what this post is about. And by the time you read this, that talk will be gone but there will be others (excited to speak at Google HQ in Mountain View on December 8, which I’m hoping will be videotaped).

The talk tonight was organized by a friend of mine, Monica McCarthy. Why is she my friend? Like with most things, there’s a story:

Monica has wasted years of her life trying to give me advice in bad situations.

Advice is wasted on your friends. I never listen. Instead every time I was in pain I’d call her and say, “I think you were right again.” And then she’d give advice I’d ignore.

Then I’d disappear until I called her again. “I think you were right”.

But one advice I took.

I gave a talk in 2013 where Monica was in the audience. I didn’t know her at all. I don’t think we spoke at the conference.

A week later I got an email from her with a link to a video. What is this?

In the video , she described in great detail how my talk (which, I have to add, was already a decent talk – something I won’t admit to frequently), could have been better.

Why did she do this? Why did she waste an hour of her life giving me such great value? I don’t know.

She didn’t even know if I would open it? She didn’t even know if I would pay attention or respond to her.

It was a great video. She gave me at least three tips that I follow to this day and every one of my talks since has been better as a result.

I’ll write up these tips the next time I have an article about public speaking although some of them I’ve already mentioned before.

BECAUSE she did this video and created such incredible value for me, I reached out to her and we’ve worked together on MANY projects ever since.

Money has been made on both sides. Many people have benefited from our collaborations. Many people have had fun. We talk with each other or our mutual friends almost every day. I can truly say I love her and will always wish her the best.

Because of this one video.

One video and we have a lifetime friendship that has created so much value for both of us.

Then, when my life got blown out from under me in 2015, she had an idea that scared the hell out of me.

“Let’s throw a party”.

She called it “Must Love Books”. The idea was based on a conversation we had: “let’s have a book reading” without the “reading”.

Book readings are boring. Readings are always fun before and after the reading, because you get to talk to people who love books and you do it in a bookstore. I love books!

Readings are boring because writers are not really performers. They write.

They don’t do well reading their books. It’s hard to sit and listen to their monotone nervous voices.

I’m always looking around during a reading because I want to talk to everyone else there. We are all there because we love books and creativity.

So we rented out part of The Strand bookstore in NYC. And Monica organized everything. And it was the BEST party I have ever been to. And all my friends were there.

“This is the first party I’ve ever been to where more people showed up than were on the invite list,” Monica told me.

One friend said to me at the end of the party, “This was the best classic New York experience I ever had.”

Monica creates experiences.

On the way there, I was TERRIFIED. I really wasn’t in shape for a party. I am shy. And I was a wreck. I think I was crying while walking there.

I was so afraid of going to my own party that I was going to just stop and go home. I said to my friend, “this is a mistake. Let’s turn around.”

Monica called my friend (I wasn’t picking up her calls) that exact moment and said, “You better make sure James gets to the party!”

I went. She was right. It was fun.

Monica is hosting this talk tonight and interviewing me on stage and I’m sure has all sorts of activities planned for the attendees.

I am sure this event started as just a brief conversation I can barely remember. But for Monica that means it’s time for a party about books.

Again.

And, I’m not much of a drinker. But of course many writers are. So drinks will be served.

Once again, Monica, you’re going to have to call at the last minute and say, “Make sure you get here.”

And, because now I finally know better, I’m going to listen to you.

Thanks for the friendship. I think good friends are rare. And valuable.

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Only The Good Players Get Lucky

I want there to be that moment, “and then everything in my life changed”.

It always seems there’s no “right place” and “right time”.

The right place is always far away. The right time was always a long time ago. I missed it. I missed her. I miss you.

When Richard Branson was 27 he was flying from some island to Puerto Rico and the plane got cancelled. He was going to miss meeting a girl that he wanted to meet.

So he found a chartered jet. Put up a sign “$29 per ticket”.

The right number of people said “yes” and now he had a plane. Now he had an airline.

That gave him an idea.

He called up Boeing the next day and asked to “borrow a plane” and also asked if he could “return it to them if things don’t work out in a year”.

He wanted to start his own airline and figured this would be the way to do it.

They agreed.

“Why would they EVER give you a plane?” I asked him on my podcast coming out this week (and see animation below).

He said that British Airways had a monopoly in England and were always twisting Boeing in negotiations and they were sick of it. So they had been hoping for a competitor.

“I got lucky,” he said. “Right place. Right time”.

But was he? He was at the right place at the right time for sure.

So luck was in the formula. But what’s the frequency, Kenneth?

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Another example:

I was interviewing Garry Kasparov, former world chess champion for 20 years.

“When people lose they always complain, ‘you just got lucky! but when they win they think they are geniuses!”

He continued, “Why is it that I always seemed to be the lucky one? It always seems like magic that only the good players get lucky.”

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The people doing YouTube videos are lucky. The people commenting on them always seem unlucky.

I’m lucky. I got to speak to Garry Kasparov and Richard Branson on my podcast.

In a few minutes I’m doing some standup comedy. I hope I’m heading straight into the right place and right time.

Maybe things will change. Maybe this time I find you.

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The Ultimate Cheat Sheet To Writing Your First Book

My first four books were so bad, so arrogant, PUKE!

And then I wrote and published 18 books. The first six were bad. Maybe more. Maybe first eight.

Life had been a straight line for me: lived in same house for 12 years. Went to good college. Went to graduate school.

My therapist doesn’t agree with me: but I think my parents loved me.

My one bad thing: I didn’t fit in with any group. And I hated myself. But not honest enough to admit it.

I tried to write a novel about someone who fit in, who was the type of person I wanted to be.

So my first four novels were awful and unpublished. I was 22, 23, 24, and then 25.

Then my life changed.

I started work at HBO and came up with an idea called “3am” which involved me interviewing people at 3 in the morning.

I started to see a scarier side of life. I started to meet people who were beyond hope, beyond help.

One person raped and abused so badly she would never be able to fit into normal “day” society.

Another boy so racked with Tourettes and bipolar and no family he was young and homeless and addict and out of the system.

Another girl ruined by her pimp, forced to stand at the busstop all night long that was the only stop for prisoners being released from Ryker’s Island prison.

I watched and did nothing while her pimp punched her to the ground after she (maybe only 16 years old) tried to talk to me.

Undercover police were everywhere but did nothing.

One common thing I learned at three in the morning: everyone lied to survive. Truth is a luxury we day-people take for granted.

All I could do was listen. And write about them.

And then I lost a lot of money and got scared I couldn’t feed my kids. And then I lost my father. And a home. And, to some extent, my children. My family.

I was ashamed.

And I lost again and again. Only one day I finally asked, “why?

Life became very sad for me. Which is why I still rank high if you search, “I Want to Die” on Google.

I saw people die on the verge of success. Because stress will kill you. And life is short. And they had killed their present in the hope for a future that never came.

I was becoming one of those people. I was sick. I was degenerate. I was desperate. I hid.

I wrote some books about finance. I was glad to get it out of my way – “I wrote a book!” but they weren’t yet real books – books that I viewed as works of art. Things I wanted to say.

Then I got honest. I simply told the truth.

If the truth is a luxury then give it to people because it will stand out. Give them all of your luxuries.

Replace “Christ” with “Art” in Phillipians: “I have given up all lies, discarded them as garbage, so I could finally achieve Art,

Eventually I wrote a book, “Choose Yourself!” that is now getting close to one million copies sold.

It made me happy to write that book. Everything I write now, I try to ask myself, “Is this true?” And truth has finally set me free (cliche but it works).

So I wrote more like it. And I wrote a children’s book. And one small novella. And five more books.

BUT…

This is the first year since 2003 I am not writing at least one book. I have 18 books written. Altogether almost two million copies sold.

This year I’ve been focusing on another obsessive interest of mine, which is comedy. Comedy is pain converted into art. Is sadness converted into laughter.

Next year I’ll write a book.

In 2012 I wrote “everyone should write a book”.

I said, “books are the new business card” and I’ve now seen other people say this.

My good friend, Ryan Holiday wrote an excellent article recently, “Please don’t write any more books”. He’s correct also. Too many people now are writing books as “business cards”.

But let them. Everyone has a story to tell. Trust me on this.

At the very least, you have one or two readers: write a story your great-great grandchildren are going to want to read.

Why deny them your wonderful story?

Books have been around for thousands of years. Tweets for ten years. Books will be around thousands of years from now.

So write. Find the darkness inside you. Find where you reached for love and either succeeded or failed.

Tell your great-great grandchildren that story. You have that book inside of you. And everyone should write one.

And that book could be a love story, a business story, a how-to, a book about trivia, or a horror novel.

But if it’s about the 99.999% of the world that’s dark, and you find that one rare strain of love, then it will be a good book.

There’s a lot of advice about how to write a book. Writing a book is not hard. Maybe writing a masterpiece is. But that’s subjective. Who knows what a masterpiece is.

The only way to get better at anything is to DO IT. DO IT DO IT DO IT.

That’s it.

So ignore most book writing advice. A lot of people give difficult advice to follow. If I had followed any of that advice it would not have worked for me.

Don’t even follow my advice. It’s just what I did.

But write a book. And then write two.

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Here’s how I wrote 18 books. And will maybe write 18 more.

1) READ EVERY DAY.

Read good books. Good writers are your best virtual mentors.

2) WRITE EVERY DAY.

Write at least a page.

Don’t know what to write? Write a list of ten bad ideas. Write about everything you value more than your work. Write one thing about each person you love.

Write the ten worst things that have happened in your life.

Write for ten minutes without picking your pen up about anything at all even if it’s just “blah blah blah blah” for ten minutes.

You MUST practice writing every day. Even if it’s garbage.

Write one horrible page a day. Don’t skip.

3) THE WORST THING.

Pick the worst thing in your life.

Start at the worst moment of the worst thing. (e.g. “And then I was caught!” or… “And then I figured out the right way to kill myself.”)

The worst thing in your life, this year, this month. Today.

Ask someone with a heart attack, “Why did you get a heart attack?”

They never say, “Clogged arteries”. Never. 100%.

They say, “My wife left me.” Or, “Work has gotten more stressful”. Or, “I’m unhappy with my friends.”

The body is connected to your story. Writing heals the body.

The “worst thing” is the clogged artery of your soul.

4) WRITE POORLY. YOU HAVE PERMISSION.

Don’t worry about flow. Anytime you are stuck here’s what you do: Write three dots. (‘….”) hit the paragraph return, and start with something new.

That’s how the best books ever are written. It’s a form of diversification. Diversification of story.

5) THE 1-2% RULE

For non-fiction books, write down as many chapter titles as possible. Don’t worry if they have anything to do with the subject. This is your outline.

Your book has no subject anyway. Nobody cares. Even the best readers only remember 1-2% of a book.

6) THE FINISH RULE.

Finish with an impactful story.

People remember the beginning, the end, and make one chapter in the middle in that order. Make those three points painful.

Kill yourself in the beginning. Kill yourself in the middle. Kill yourself in the end.

Even if it’s a book about botany or space aliens or a children’s book.

7) ARC OF THE HERO IN ONE LINE:

The arc of the here in one line:

hero gets call to action, is in pain so is forced to take that all, goes on a journey, is incompetent at first, then meets more and more people who will help him, is at mercy of the antagonist once or twice (more intensely the second time) around 2/3 or 3/4 of the way in, and then must make his way back, new and improved.

And that’s the plot of Star Wars, the Bible, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, the Wizard of Oz, The Great Gatsby, The Firm, On the Road, and 50 Shades of Grey and any great textbook.

The arc of the hero is a fractal. It occurs in a book. In a chapter. In a paragraph. In a tweet.

Don’t even open up your mouth if you aren’t about to say the arc of the hero in a sentence.

Else…listen.

8) DARKNESS + A SPECK OF LOVE = TRUTH

For any plot: find something intensely dark and sad and find the one vein of love in it.

This is good for both non-fiction and fiction. This is good for a one page article.

9) THE STAPLER RULE

Write 30 separate articles. Write about 30 things nobody has ever said. See “worst thing” above.

Staple them together. That’s your first draft. Rewrite at least ten times.

I’ve written 100% of my books that way and altogether that equals almost 2 million copies sold.

10. WRITE SECOND BOOK

Because it’s fun. Because you still have many more things to say.

Because I love you and want to learn more about you.

 

 

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Either The Worst Review In The World or The Best

This is not the worst review I’ve ever had.

One time some reviewer posted, “James Altucher is a Zionist psychopath who poses as a ‘self help’ author.”

I am deeply offended by that statement.

For one thing, I’m not a ‘self help’ author.

I don’t give advice. I just tell my story. I tell other stories. People can decide for themselves what to do after that.

But this particular review for my recent book, “Reinvent Yourself” attached to this post is funny to me.

I get bad reviews all the time. One star reviews are just as much a sign of passion for your work as five star reviews.

And normally I never look at them. But this one I did. I picked it apart.

He starts off, “I wouldn’t read this…”

Meaning… he didn’t read it. If he didn’t read it, why did he review it?

Because he must either hate me or the title felt a little off to him for some reason. Most likely he hates me even though he doesn’t know me.

Call me. 203-512-2161. I’m not so bad if you just talk to me.

Second, and more important, he says, “if this were the last book on Earth.”

What happened!? Did we get into some sort nuclear / global warming / alien invasion apocalypse and everyone burned all the books except “Reinvent Yourself?”

Like…the aliens came down and said, “People of Earth! Gather up all of your books into a big pile. Take “Cat in the Hat”, “Old Man and the Sea”, “Harry Potter”, etc etc and BURN THEM!”

And then…”Oh wait, what are you doing? STOP! Whatever you do don’t burn THAT one.” And thus the aliens protected all copies of “Reinvent Yourself“.

So in that scenario, shouldn’t whatever humans are still alive maybe read “Reinvent Yourself“?

If the planet was on it’s last legs and the only book left was something titled, “Reinvent Yourself” maybe there are some clues, some answers to the question, “Well what do we do now? How do we start all over?”

I don’t know. Maybe read a book called “Reinvent Yourself“.

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Ep. 265 – 10 Unusual Things I Learned From Mr. X

The FBI went to his high school when the 15 year old Mr. X hacked into the largest Internet company in the world and stole 90 million credit card numbers.

“You are going to jail for a long time,” they told him.

The day after he stole them he sent them back to the company and explained what their cyber security flaws were.

He thought they would thank him.

The FBI came to arrest him. “I was scared to death,” he told me when we first met.

The head of the school, a three star general, told them, “You guys better get out of here if you aren’t writing this boy a check and saying thank you.”

They left.

Then.

Two years later when Mr. X graduated he got “the call”. The call that meant he wouldn’t go to college.

The call that meant he would parachute into enemy fire, hack foreign governments, hack our own computers. “I’ve done so many things,” he once told me. “You can’t imagine.”

The call from a three initial agency. More than one.

We met at a dinner. We were both obsessed with hacking and the latest flaws in computer security. We ignored every else and spoke for three hours.

And we haven’t stopped talking since.

I don’t mean this to be conspiracy theory. There’s already been rumors about “fake news”, election hacking, etc.

There are bot armies. There are hackers taking down electric grids every day. Every company in the Fortune 500 is completely hacked. Your computer is hacked.

I’ve spent many years talking to people in the security space.

The reality is: the war is on.

And it’s being fought with data. And it’s being fought all over the world. And it’s being fought every day.

Not just on election systems. Or at big companies. But on your computer. And the war is not always being fought by the people you expect. The enemeies we were always trained to believe.

Mr. X spent time in special forces. Was in every overseas battle. Has been involved in more news stories than he likes to admit.

He’s also built and sold two companies using his hacking abilities. He lives a good life now and doesn’t want his voice e or identity to be revealed.

So we distorted it for the podcast.

I asked him, “Do you still work for ‘them’ “.

He turned away and said, “You never stop working for them.”

The goal of this isn’t to scare people. Information is power.

And this is some of what I’ve learned from Mr. X.

1. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A VOICE, YOU HAVE TO SPEAK

“In the past, to go up against an institution, you need to be an institution.” Mr. X said. “Now more than ever, we need to stand up for what we believe in. We have these powerful, engaging tools to influence others, but we still leave it up to the powers that control us to influence us.

If you believe something, share it.

In other words, don’t let the media “program” what you believe in. Don’t let the online word “hack” into your brain. They already know more about you than you know about yourself. And they use that knowledge against you 24 hours a day.

If you want to have a voice, YOU HAVE TO SPEAK.

2. POLICE YOURSELF

We were talking about computer security. He told me all the ways you could be hacked… that you would never think of.

“Let me ask you, when’s the last time you updated your firmware on your router?”

I had no idea.

“If I’m going in, I’m going through the router,” he said. “The majority of the fortune 500 use the same router… So you either trust the government to police data OR you need to be that person.”

And that was just one weakness. Next time you are on your phone check out how many apps on your phone have permission to turn on your video camera and start recording and transmitting what they record without you being aware.

Don’t think they aren’t doing it.

3. HOW DID OSAMA BIN LADEN REALLY DIE?

Was Osama Bin Laden really casually sleeping on the third floor of a building with no access out? Or was he a prisoner and we had lost our use for him?

Mr. X: “he was our prisoner for years. Then we had no use for him.”

Always question everything the media and the government tells us. Always be a skeptic in a world where it’s not in anyone’s benefit to tell you the truth.

This is not conspiracy theory. The only truth is to trust the people you love. The people who love you.

This doesn’t mean be irrational or paranoid or come up with crazy theories.

This means practice being a skeptic every day on every issue.

Practice skepticism. Not paranoia.

4. BE VULNERABLE TO GETTING SHUT DOWN

I knew there were millions of questions I wanted to ask… but couldn’t.

I asked anyway.

“Are you still involved in the government?”

“I can’t say that,” he said.

“Well, which agency were you in?”

“I can’t say.”

“Do people know it?”

“Yes, let’s just say it’s a well-known 3 letter agency.”

Ask. Get shut down. Ask again.

When I do an interview, I don’t want to harass people for an answer. But sometimes if you poke and prod from various directions while you build rapport, you can get the answer.

Not this time.

5. KNOW WHAT DRIVES YOU

Mr. X started hacking when he was in military school.

Everything was regimented:
wake up
first mess
solute the flag
go to class
second mess
second class
change 15 minutes
go to sports
third mess
after third mess, 2 hours of study hall, one hour of free time
go to sleep
do it all over again

The school is isolated. And the students can’t leave campus.

The only way Mr. X could talk to girls was if he found them online. “We were heavily confined,” he said.

But he kept hitting firewalls.

So he started hacking. He learned everything he could. Not because he wanted to “attack” websites. But because he didn’t want to be alone.

Always let the prison walls around you create your opportunities.

Censorship created his curiosity.

What frustrates you that can kickstart your curiosity.

6. LEARN YOUR PATTERNS

Mr. X helped find one of the most well known serial killers in recent years and put him behind bars for life.

Mr. X was paid to find patterns. He watched terrorists. The example: “a burn phone.” This is what criminals use to cover their call history. They buy a cheap phone. Call a few people, throw it away and buy a new one.

So Mr. X wrote software.

Someone calls you, then you call 3-4 people. Those 3-4 people call 3-4 more people. It’s a tree of calling. And if they follow the branches then can find the roots.

He analyzed the trees of one billion phone calls a day. He had access to all of our calls.

“Eventually, you realize that if a bunch of random numbers keep calling the same person that all those random numbers are the same guy,” Mr. X said.

People are patterns. Those patterns become your fingerprint.

He used that fingerprint to identify a notorious serial killer. Used GPS to track him down. Now the guy is in jail.

He used those fingerprints to track terrorists. “There were a lot of attacks stopped.”

7. INTERESTS PRECEDE EDUCATION

He wasn’t educated about hacking or even computers. But he was passionate about it and learned everything he could.

“I found something I was interested in… and that was the best education I ever received.”

Find an interest. List every day the things you were interested in as a kid. It’s never too late to learn now.

The one who loves what he does will always learn faster and better than the person who doesn’t love it.

The one in love will compete better against the one who doesn’t.

The one in love will be…happier.

8. TRUST THE INVISIBLE

“You were saving lives,” I said.

“No, I wouldn’t say that.”

But I insisted. Because I feel we all have invisible threads of impact. We help and hurt people in ways we don’t know.

We all have our special abilities. And abilities to help and hurt without realizing. Always be healthy enough to know the difference.

Mr. X got married. Loves his family. Loves his work. “Some of my ex partners never escaped the mindset wer were programmed with.”

Reach for the positive when trapped in a negative.

Love someone.

9. CHOOSE YOUR OWN NETWORTH

Mr. X measures his net worth not by dollars, not by accomplishments or promotions. “My net worth is now in data,” he said.

He comes from hacker culture where the core belief is that information should be free.

Too often, we accept what’s been given to us. “The rules” we were told to live by. The standards were set for us…

But Mr. X proved you can set your own standards. You can choose the measurement of your net worth. Rich in relationships, rich in people, rich in joy, rich in knowledge…

10. LEARN EVERYTHING YOU CAN

Mr. X found a pattern in his own life. He realized he loved hacking. And he loved detecting patterns. He got the same joy from both.

So he started reading books… and learned everything he could about computers, code, internet, backdoors and so on.

He used those abilities to fight wars. Then to help law enforcement track down criminals. And then to build massive companies that he sold.

I met Mr. X with his wife and daughters recently. I had never seen him so happy.

Sometimes the best pattern is the smile of your daughter. At least I think so.

The post Ep. 265 – 10 Unusual Things I Learned From Mr. X appeared first on Altucher Confidential.

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Ep. 254: Jim Kwik – The Way You Do Anything, Is The Way You Do Everything

I do standup comedy now up to six times a week. And I’m even less reluctant to write about it now than when I went up zero times a week.

Because of the simple cliche: the more I DO, the less I KNOW.

And sometimes it’s so painful I cry. And sometimes it’s so exhilirating I can’t sleep and I play my ten minute set over and over again in my head all night.

Like I did when I was ten years old and got a home run that one time (and only one time) in Little League. I’m a kid again. I’m in love.

But the way you do anything, is the way you do everything, according to my good friend Jim Kwik from my recent podcast with him.

THE WAY YOU DO ANYTHING, IS THE WAY YOU DO EVERYTHING

The way you get good at tennis, comedy, music, nutrition, relationships, is the way you get good at business, success, living a long and healthy life.

Louis CK loved comedy.

He loved it so much that in his early 20s he was offered $500,000 a year be head writer for Conan. He was that good.

He turned it down. How come?

Because that’s not how you get GREAT. Don’t take the easy way out.

Instead he went on the road to really get better at standup comedy. He wanted to learn every nuance. You have to go on stage 1000s of times.

He did it for 20 years. And he repeatedly failed for 20 years.

Then he failed at a pilot for CBS. Then his movie, Pootie Tang was a disaster (although I loved it). Then his HBO show “Lucky Louie” was cancelled in one season.

My big regret (and yes, I regret) is that the day after I saw it cancelled I saw Louis CK walking on 6th avenue and I was too shy to tell him I loved the show.

Then his show “Louie” was a success because he figured out how to do it on his own terms (the only show in television where he refused to show it to the network until the day before it aired).

Louie is the darkest sitcom every produced. It’s hard to call it “dark” and it’s hard to call it “a sitcom”. It’s “Louie”.

He “chose himself”. He only did shows on his own terms. Now he produces many more shows. Now he releases his specials on his website direct to consumer.

He shot AN ENTIRE TV SERIES, Horace & Pete, in secret, and released it only on his own website (who needs networks?)

He finally broke through at standup when he started speaking his own stories, his own voice.

He went from a mostly aburdist comedy style to speaking deeply personal truths we can all relate to.

And when he went through those stories, he started making jokes and issues that effect everyone.

He broke every barrier. He shocked everyone. He spoke the truth. And he learned every aspect of comedy: performing, writing, producing, directly, writing.

He learned every subtlety, every nuance. Nobody learned as much as him.

NOW, he did it again.

He shot, mostly in secret, an entire movie: “I Love You, Daddy” and it’s brilliant.

His new movie comes out November 17. I was fortunate enough to see it last week in a screening.

He was the star. He wrote it. He directed it. He produced it. He can do all of that because after 30 years of deliberate practice he is the master of every aspect of creating a work of art.

Many great actors and actresses are in it including his constant co-star Pamela Adlon, who I think is an acting and comedic genius, and John Malkovich.

But there’s one piece of dialogue from the movie that I will have to paraphrase that I think is the key to everything I’ve done in life since my life started going on an upward trend.

Every day I want to follow this.

Please, please, please let me follow this.

—–

Louie’s character (a successful TV writer) worships the brilliant fillmmaker played by John Malkovich.

They meet for the first time and Louie is awestruck.

Malkovich says, “What are you working on?”

Louie says, “Ahh nothing. It’s a TV series.”

Malkovich, “Do you love it?”

Louie says, “No. I don’t”.

Malkovich says, “Then why are you doing it? Do you need the money? Is someone forcing you?”

Louie is nervous and shrugs his shoulders, “Because I can?”

Malkovich says in a confused voice, “Why do anything you don’t love? It won’t be good.”

It won’t be good.

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How To Go Broke and Live Large With Your Friends

Katie took all of my money. And then I went broke.

But that’s what friends are for.

Tens years later, yesterday, we went to an advance screening of Louis CK’s new movie, “I Love You, Daddy” coming out on November 17.

Louis stars, wrote, directors, produces, etc the movie. He filmed it as secretly as possible.

Why did Katie O’Hagan (in photo taken at the screening yesterday. We had the whole theater) do such a horrible thing to me? She literally took all my money.

She sold me her house at the very top of the housing market over a decade ago.

And then I sold (or maybe it was seized, one or the other..I forget), a few years later.

As usual, she was smart and I was stupid.

That’s the last time I will ever buy a house. Particularly from her.

1) RENT VS OWN:

Everyone says: When you rent you throw your money down the toilet.

No you don’t. You SAVE all the money you would have had to put on down payments, lawyer fees, agent fees, insurance fees, initial maintenance, etc etc etc.

That money you save can be used for income or entrepreneurial opportunities that historically have much higher returns than real estate (which is only 0.2% per year after inflation over the past century during the biggest expansion ever).

2) UNPLANNED MAINTENANCE

You save on future unplanned maintenance (which is NEVER baked into rent like people say).

For instance, in the house I bought from Katie there was a tree that was dying and eventually had to be cut down.

And all the electric wiring had to be re-done. And on and on. Nobody could have planned for that.

Unless Katie knew! Hmmm…..

3) LIQUIDITY

Your cash is liquid as opposed to putting it all in an illiquid investment like a house which you can never sell (as I well know) EXACTLY when you most need it.

4) DEBT OR NO DEBT

For many people, buying a house requires taking on an enormous amount of debt.

Why take on so much debt when you can rent and not take on any debt?

Fannie Mae, the largest mortgage lender ever used the phrase “The American Dream” in their biggest marketing campaigns.

They knew how to manipulate everyone into borrowing. “It’s the American Dream!”

No it isn’t.

5) DO YOU EVER REALLY OWN?

Do you ever “own” your home when you buy?

The banks own, and the government owns. And, in last place, you own. A tiny piece.

If you skip property taxes for a few months, (or don’t call the zoning board about that deck you just built), then the city can come in and take your house. BOOM!

6) MOBILITY INCREASES INCOME AND WEALTH

Lack of mobility (i.e. you can’t easily move because now you “own”) reduces your long-term income opportunities.

 

---

Anyway. Should you ever buy a home?

Sure. A lot of people like to have roots.

You can paint your walls if you buy a home. Like yellow. Or blue. Or, for the crayola-minded – burnt ember.

Some people like to know they can stay in a place for a long time. The argument is: this is good for kids.

I don’t think kids care. But adults care. And that’s fine. We all make our choices as to what is important to us.

For me:

Buying Experiences is greater than buying Things.

You look forward to an experience, have an experience, remember an experience. Experiences last forever. Both good and bad ones.

Things get forgotten.

But other people are different.

A lot of people find interesting ways to invest in real estate. If you can buy cheap and sell high (like Katie) then do it. But most people can’t.

Some people don’t need to take on so much leverage. Then maybe it’s ok to buy also if prices are right.

I made all of the mistakes.

Was it because I was bad at real estate? Yeah.

BUT MORE IMPORTANT:

I wasn’t treating myself well. My relationships were going poorly.

 

---

The most important career and life decision you can make is who you are close to. The five people you choose to be around.

 

---

Who do you love.

Be close to the people who will support your successes. Those are the ONLY ones that count. Because then success will build on success.

I wasn’t in good health all the time. I stopped writing books for awhile. I stopped being creative.

I thought I was invincible because I had just sold a company.

And THEN I bought a house.

And THEN I made non-stop bad decisions for a long time.

And THEN I went broke.

Thanks Katie.

Katie is one of the best realist painters I know. She’s painted my daughter, Mollie. Here’s a link to her paintings.

Check it out.

Maybe one day I’ll go broke buying one of them. She’s that good.

Just because someone causes you to go broke doesn’t mean you can’t see a Louis CK movie with them ten years later.

There’s no formula to meet the people who we are close with.

This is what makes life so interesting.

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Ep. 258: Nancy Cartwright – Surprise Yourself and You Will Surprise Everyone Else

This is what she did in the middle of an audition for the top TV show in the world at that time, Cheers.

The script said, say “blah blah blah” (I forget the words) to Carla, the waitress, and then walk off the set.

Nancy Cartwright did that.

And then she walked out of the audition, out of the building, out of the studio lot, and all the way home. She just kept walking without saying anything to anyone at the audition.

She walked ALL THE WAY HOME in LA.

When she got home her phone was ringing (back when we had “home phones”).

“Where have you been?” her agent was almost angry at her. Actually, he was angry at her.

“I walked home,” she said.

“They can’t stop talking about you,” the agent said. “You were only supposed to walk off the stage. You just kept on walking.”

“I WANTED TO SURPRISE MYSELF,” Nancy said. “So I took the script literally. I left the stage and walked home.”

“Well,” he said, “They couldn’t stop talking about you when you left. You got the part!”

---

Nancy Cartwright is the most famous unknown person on the planet. And I say this with zero exaggeration.

100s of millions of people would recognize her voice, but nobody will recognize her in the street.

She is the voice of Bart Simpson (among many many others). Bart Simpson, of course, is the cartoon character known for his mischief in “The Simpsons” now in it’s 29th season.

I said to her in the beginning of the podcast: “I have to ask, can you do the voice of Bart Simpson? I’m afraid to ask because probably everyone asks you to do this.”

She laughed and said, “of course I will do Bart.” And she did. And she was!

---

She told me:

I always try to surprise myself. As much as possible. Just suddenly do the unexpected, don’t even think.

She said;

If you surprise yourself, then it’s guaranteed to surprise everyone else.

And then you leave an effect. They start talking about you. You rise above the rest because you are unique.

Why are we on this Earth if not to blaze our own unique path.

And that’s why I got that part. And many other rules.

---

Nancy is a classic “Choose Yourself” person.

But let’s bullet it out just to study it.

1) She recognized early on she had a talent in voices. In the podcast she does a number of voices. She is incredible.

2) Even though she had enormous talent, she spent years and years even doing more training.

The only way to get better at ANYTHING is to study under experienced mentors, either in person or virtually.

She studied with Daws Butler (the voice of Huckleberry Finn, Yogi Bear, and many other classics from the 60s and 70s. Maybe the best voice artist every until…Nancy).

3) She honed her acting skills. Hence…Cheers and many many other parts.

4) She surprised herself with everything she did.

I decided to try it for myself the other day.

I went on stage to do standup comedy. I had no idea what I would do.

I did something that completely surprised myself, everyone was at first confused and then laughed when they saw what was happening.

I’m not saying specifics because..I don’t know…I might do it again. But I’ll have to twist it to keep making it surprising. But this technique works!

5) She DID

At one point she got obsessed with Fellini, the filmmaker.

So she dropped everything, went to Italy and tried to find him. To learn.

She didn’t just read about him in a library. She went on an adventure!

She did!

When you DO things you get about 100x the appreciation of the nuances and subtleties that define a craft then if you simply study the craft or read about the craft.

DOING > 10 x THINKING > 10 x STUDYING and READING

6) PROCESS IS ART

She took her experience of trying to search for Fellini and made a movie which is out right now: “In Search of Fellini”.

It’s beautiful. Because reality outside of the norm is surreal.

Process can always be turned into art. Study how you do a work of art, how you make a sale, how you build a business or write a book, how you study a new skill.

Document.

Then write about it or video about it or paint it or whatever.

That documentation of process is sometimes more powerful art than the final art itself.

7) CONSISTENCY

Nancy has been doing Bart Simpson for 29 years.

There’s always something new to learn when you are doing the things you love.

Every day you can talk to your peers and uncover more mysteries in hour art form than you can ever imagine existed.

This is how you get better. And be the best in the world.

---

When you surprise yourself, you poke holes in your comfort zone.

The reason to go out of your comfort zone is not to get uncomfortable, it’s to make your comfort zone bigger.

Getting out of your comfort zone is a muscle that needs to be practiced everyday.

Why? To laugh at yourself. To immerse in life.

The other day I was in a live show that was about relationships. I did something out of the blue that surprised myself.

It was funny. Everyone at that moment laughed.

But then it got me into huge trouble the next day. HUGE.

I’m documenting the trouble. Because trouble is fun.

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I’m Giving Away a Bitcoin! Here’s 8 Things You Need To Know About Crypto-Currencies

In 1994, I was working for HBO at a low-level programming job. I had begged for the job and I wasn’t qualified but they gave it to me anyway because my boss’s boss’s boss was a fan of chess and he accidentally saw me playing in the park after I failed the interview.

My job was to get HBO streaming interactively on cable lines. Don’t ask.

I said to my boss, “The technology to do this is already done. It’s called the web. Why do I have to invent an entire new way to stream content?”

He said, “James. Calm down. The cable guys know what they are doing. This Internet thing is popular with academics but is just a fad.”

And that was that.

A) CRYPTOCURRENCIES ARE NOT A FAD

Cryptocurrencies benefit from two 5000 year old trends.

1) Theism ==> Humanism ==> Dataism in every industry. For instance, 2000 years ago if you got ill, you assumed you had sinned, or you would pray to get better, or you would assume a god was punishing you. 20 years ago, you’d go to a doctor and take two aspirin. And now, you get EEGs, fMRIs, genetic testing, etc to diagnose and determine best solution.

Money is “In God We Trust” ==> Benjamin Franklin we trust ==> Cryptocurrencies (we trust data)

2) Barter ==> Physical store of value (gold, silver, etc) ==> Money backed by metal ==> Paper money ==> Bank money ==> Pure data money (cryptos)

These trends are not going away. They solve massive problems created by the scenario before them and crypto is front and center for both of these 5000 year old trends.

B) CRYPTO CURRENCIES ARE NOT CRYPTO

I hate the word “crypto”.

If someone asks me, “What is Amazon?” I would answer, “A store”.

I wouldn’t say, “It’s a software application that sits on top of the TCP/IP protocol.” Nobody would say that. But, in fact, that’s a valid way to describe what Amazon.com is.

“Crypto” refers to the aspect of Bitcoin that makes it secure. It uses a branch of math called “public key cryptography”. But knowing this provides basically zero value in understanding of cryptocurrencies other than it is secure in a way confirmed by mathematicians.

Better to call it “data currencies” or simply “currencies”.

BUT…

C) CRYPTO CURRENCIES ARE NOT CURRENCIES

A currency is two things:

– a store of value: e.g. One can say, “I have $1,000,000”. That’s a number stored in the bank. It’s the value of net worth the person saying it has.

– a transaction mechanism. e.g. with $1 I can go into a deli and buy a cup of coffee.

Bitcoin is the first but not the second (unless you want to wait ten minutes every time you buy a cup of coffee).

And many other crypto-currencies are the second and not necessarily the first.

And some are both and THEN…they are more.

See below.

Editor’s Note: James is Giving away a Bitcoin, worth more than $4,000, completely free.  Click Here to Enter.

D) CRYPTO CURRENCIES ARE CONTRACTS AND WILL EVENTUALLY REPLACE ALL CONTRACT LAW

The rise of ICOs (Initial Coin Offerings) are because you can program functionality similar to contracts into a coin.

For instance, a coin called “Filecoin” has an implicit contract that whoever owns a file coin is also allowing (by the contract embedded in the coin) that people can share files on that coin. It creates a decentralized dropbox.

Cryptocurrencies can be used now to replace escrows, wills, and many other types of basic contracts. The entire field of contract law is a $400 billion market or more and will be completely replaced (and lead to the rise of) by legitimate cryptocurrencies.

E) 95% of CRYPTO CURRENCIES ARE SCAMS OR WILL GO TO ZERO

Like any field that is “hot” the scammers have arrived. Ponzi schemes. Fake currencies. hacked exchanges, etc.

But, like in every field of life, this will get regulated, criminals will get caught, and the legitimate coins will thrive. This is exactly like the Internet in the late 90s. You didn’t want to avoid the Internet then because of the enormous gains. But you did want to avoid the scams.

F) THE US GOVERNMENT SECRETLY LOVES CRYPTO CURRENCIES

How else will they transport millions of dollar into war-torn countries to pay off war lords and terrorists. If you think this is conspiracy theory, think again.

G) CRYPTO CURRENCIES ARE NOT “FIAT”.

There is explicit value backing a crypto currency, unlike a dollar bill, or even a bar of gold (which gold bugs will hate to hear).

A dollar bill has value because we believe it does and we trust that the US government will take care of the value of the dollar by not printing too many of them.

A piece of gold has value because for years we have used gold and other precious metals as money. They also have value because you have to work to mine a piece of gold and there is only a limited amount of gold in the world.

But there are a limited number of any rocks in the world so this is not special.

Cryptocurrencies actually solve enormous problems that have a definite value associated with them.

Editors Note: Click Here to Enter James’s Contest to win a Free Bitcoin

H) JAMIE DIMON IS WRONG. HERE’S THE OBVIOUS REASON WHY

Jamie Dimon runs a bank with dollars in it. If people stopped using dollars, they would stop using Jamie Dimon’s bank. So of course he’s going to say “bitcoin is a fad”. He doesn’t want his bank to go out of business.

Always look for agendas, even with me.

What is my agenda? I want to make a lot of money by identifying which cryptocurrencies are legit and which are not. I’ve built the team and network to do that. I also am happy to always be the first in trends. Cryptocurrency is the most exciting thing I’ve seen since I first used the world wide web in 1992.

P.S. – I am so excited about Cryptocurrencies that I am giving away one Bitcoin, worth more than $4,000, completely free.  I honestly think cryptocurrency and blockchain technology is the biggest trend in decades – maybe ever.

It will create generational wealth, and I want my readers to be aware and positioned to take advantage of this trend. Click here to enter your name for a chance to win! 

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CHANGE-ISM

 

I give up. And I changed. And I wanted to immerse myself in something new. Yet again.

There’s no one “ism” that will define a good life

Surrendering to change, embracing it, rolling with it, understanding it, loving it, hating it, experimenting with it, mastering it, is the key to loving it.

Surrendering to change is the key that allows me to be immersed in a full life.

Sometimes it’s really painful. Sometimes I hate change. It often gives me great anxiety. And I begin to miss my old life.

But I won’t give up anything in exchange for immersing myself in the next steps in my life.

Anyway…

Every part of the universe, for 15 billion years, changes all the time. The only way to be in FLOW in every way is to embrace that change. Meld with it in every way. This for me, is the key to choosing myself.

I never forget that Process is Art. And I always document the process. So here it is.

It’s been three years of THAT. And now I’m doing THIS.

Here’s my latest change.

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Ep. 260: Gary Vaynerchuck – Ten Things I Learn From Gary Vaynerchuck

Is Gary Vaynerchuk a lunatic?

This is what I ask myself every time I sit down to interview him.

He’s everywhere. He’s constantly spreading a message I strongly believe in: if you don’t choose yourself, someone else will and the results won’t be good.

For Gary, “choosing himself” has been about entrepreneurship. First, “Wine Library”, then VaynerMedia. Then investing (we have been co-investors together on several deals). And…

He wants to buy the New York Jets. That’s lunacy.

But I am not one to judge.

I have my own dreams that are lunacy. The important thing is this: make the process of achieving that dream…a work of art.

Maybe he will own the Jets and maybe he won’t. But watching his process every day is watching a painter splash across the canvas. We’re watching art happen.

For some reason, when I talk to Gary, I start off with concern.

Is his ambition going to sink the rest of his life? Is he going to die of a heart attack?

Gar! (I feel comfortable without the “y”). “Gar!” Are you taking care of yourself?

I don’t know why I get concerned for him in this way. More than I do with all of my other podcast guests. it’s like i want to make sure he’s ok.

Will he get the Jets? Will he inspire a billion millennials along the way? I have no idea.

Maybe. Probably. I don’t know. I don’t care.

But I learn from him. Every time we talk, I learn.

Here’s:

TEN THINGS I LEARNED FROM GARY VAYNERCHUK on this last podcast.

1) MAKE A MANIFESTO. THEN LET THE WORLD COME TO YOU. WHICH IT WILL!

Gary set up this example: Pokemon. Imagine this is your passion. You set up a blog. Then it becomes a video blog and then a podcast. “You become the foremost Pokemon gal, Sally the Pokemon Gal.”

It’s your passion. You love it. But what will happen next? Here’s the thing: something ALWAYS happens next.

You’re owning it. You go to Comic-Con, you get random sponsorships on your blog. You’re getting by.

And then, Pokemon Go comes out!

You’re now on CNN and FOX. You’re getting paid five grand to give a talk. The world has just walked in to you. Everybody who’s listening right now is looking for trends.

“They’re trying to walk to where the world is NOW and by the time they get there, the world moved on.

“If you go to your thing and set a f*cking flag on your thing, THE WORLD COMES TO YOU!”

I look at every interest that created success for me.

It only created success because I fell in love and I CREATED before anyone else knew there was something to create.

Don’t worry about the outcome. Immerse yourself in the process. TODAY.

2. DON’T CREATE. DOCUMENT

“Instead of trying to make Three’s Company or MASH, try to make the Kardashian’s,” Gary says.

Why would he say that? That almost seems like make “garbage” instead of “make art”.

He’s talking about documenting instead of creating. Process is art. Gary documents every moment of his every day.

We no longer want to see just the final outcome. We want to see how the movie is made, the art is created, the business started. We want the origin story. We want the arc of the hero as he or she creates a business. We want to know how, what, where, why.

Process is Art.

This is the mantra of all success right now. Don’t just write an article of how to do something. Tell the story of why this is important to you.

Why you need to do this. How you are doing it. What will you do next. What tools you used. How you failed. What tools you are learning. Let us peek inside your heart.

Process is Art.

3. BE MACRO-PATIENT

“Nobody has ever built anything meaningful that hasn’t taken an obnoxious amount of time,” Gary said.

He’s planning on buying the Jets. This is his lifelong dream. And everyone knows it. But he’s not buying them in the next year. Not even in the next ten. “You have to be macro-patient,” Gary tells me.

I’ve done hundreds of interviews with the best in the world:

Tony Hawk (skateboarding), Garry Kasparov (chess), Sara Blakely (business), Ken Follett and Judy Blume (writers who sold 100s of millions of copies), and on and on and on.

Everybody took shortcuts. That’s how you succeed. You find the fast ways to learn. I love learning how to find those shortcuts.

BUT THEN, time + persistence + love + creativity = success.

What is success? It’s always finding new ways to explore what you love. Every day.

Does this mean you won’t have success until 20 years pass?

No! Of course not. Celebrate the small successes along the way because they will be there. Gary, for instance, had Wine Library, then his first books, then his first clients in VaynerMedia.

And maybe much later..the Jets.

Celebrate small successes. Be patient.

Process is Art.

4. “I LIKE LOSING”

In Gary’s words, he “eats shit for a living”. This is his profession. He’s an entrepreneur. And Vayner Media is an enormous success.

But being an entrepreneur is stressful. I can say: it is pure pain.

Everything is your fault. You have to like losing. And you lose everyday.

A true entrepreneur fails almost every day. And it’s what they do with that failure that determines success.

Stephen Colbert was recently talking about being on stage. When you are bombing, he said (and I am paraphrasing), learn to enjoy it RIGHT THEN.

That’s how you succeed.

5. WHAT’S YOUR PURSUIT?

“You wanna hear something weird,” Gary says. “I don’t celebrate shit,” he said.

I didn’t understand. I like celebrating everything. All the little things. He told me this: “I hate that people think that I’m built around buying the Jets. They don’t understand, it’s the pursuit.”

I still don’t believe him. He celebrates the pursuit. I celebrate getting to write this article. And later today, interviewing on stage one of my good friends about the topic of creativity.

I celebrate how every day I try to do a little bit more of what I love than the day before.

Loving the pursuit allows you to be creative about the process. Celebrate every day.

6. THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE WHAT THEY’RE DOING WILL BE GREAT AT WHAT THEY’RE DOING

Gary is making Vayner Media the “Death Star” of marketing.

It’s a machine. And one day he’s going to buy Puma, Hershey’s, Keds, all the classic, nostalgic brands he loved as a kid. This is how he’s going to buy the Jets. By linking his life today to his life as a kid. And carrying that into the future.

“There’s a real correlation around doing things you love,” Gary said. “It makes it easier when things are bad. If you do not do what you love, that’s on you.”

EXERCISE: list the things you loved from ages 6-14. Figure out what you can do around those interests right now.

This is a good way to kick-start building your idea muscle.

Come up with 10 ideas a day for next week around creating content or business around the things you loved as a kid.

Come up with ideas for those companies if they are around now.

Just like you shouldn’t ignore the people you love, to please the people you dislike – don’t ignore the things you’ve always loved to do in order to “pay the bills”.

The person who is doing what they love, will always out-compete, out-succeed, the person who is just doing it to pay the bills.

7. SELF-AWARENESS OVER HUSTLE

“If you don’t know who you are it’s over,” Gary said.

What does that mean?

Exercise: Write down the ten things you value most in the world.

Do you really value them? Dig deep. Write them down again.

Dig deeper. What are you doing about them today?

8. DOUBLE DOWN

Gary doubled down on documenting because he realized he has the responsibility to help young people who might get sucked into the wrong message.

“I cut through the bullshit,” he says.

For me, this is why I STOPPED writing about finance.

I find most finance writing to be boring and BS. But I did double-down on my own stories of failure and how I came through the other side.

And then I double-downed again and again.

For me. telling stories honestly was a way of doubling down and has opened so many opportunities for me.

9. YOU HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU’RE DOING

“There’s never been a day since I was 22 that haven’t been operating a business,” Gary said. “Gary V is my side hustle. I don’t spend 100% of my time building a brand.”

He operates and runs businesses because he knows he couldn’t “talk” if he didn’t.

Too many people lecture or write about entrepreneurship or art without actually DOING it a single day in their lives.

Everyone is a critic. Only a few people DO.

“Personal Branding” is a way of lying.

Don’t change yourself into a brand.

Personal branding will kill you. Personal DOING will save everyone around you.

10. SUFFOCATE “WHY NOT?”

Years ago, no one believed you could choose yourself. You needed gatekeepers. You NEEDED someone who was not qualified to say, “I like you”.

Now we have YouTube, Instagram, self-publishing, easy tools for entrepreneurship, and many platforms to choose yourself.

“Now it’s the standard,” Gary said. If you cut out all the reason why you can’t do something, then you cut out all the infrastructural and fiancial probelms stopping you.

“The only thing left is your f-cking head.”

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So is Gary a lunatic?

Of course he is.

 

The post Ep. 260: Gary Vaynerchuck – Ten Things I Learn From Gary Vaynerchuck appeared first on Altucher Confidential.

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Ep. 259: Amy Morin – Top 10 Lessons From Amy Morin

I don’t like writers.

Stop writing advice books if you’ve never lived through it.

Just. Stop.

That’s why I asked Amy Morin, author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People DON’T Do” on my podcast (released today).

Only someone who has been through horror and pain and tragedy would immediately hone in on the word “don’t” in her title. This told me immediately I should read the book.

Everyone else can write about all the great things that one should do. But it’s hard to remember the 87,000 good habits I should do each day.

Should I make the bed or brush my teeth first? Should I do 600 pushups and then avoid breakfast? Should I take the stairs instead of the escalator? Should I make a to-do list and then prioritize and then write down 5 things I’m grateful for?

On and on, the list of things we should do has swarmed the Internet. I’m choking on them.

I want to live a good life but I get stressed out thinking I didn’t brush my teeth eight times today or walk 20,000 steps, or call my friends twice over and remind them how much I love them.

I don’t want to rehash Amy’s tragedies. She does it in her book. She had everything going for her and then the unimaginable kept happening.

She had to learn what NOT to do in order to survive. To fully live life, one has to survive not only physically, but emotionally, creatively, and spiritually as well.

Too many people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they are 75.

Her book has the “13 Things”. But here’s 10 things I learned from talking to her.

I also learned to ask for directions. I’m sorry, Amy, how I was a fool and took you eight miles out of your way after the podcast because I refused to ask for directions.

I should’ve just said, “I don’t know”.

1. SCHOOL ISN’T ENOUGH. YOU NEED TO DO

Amy became a therapist at 21 years old. And a foster parent by age 23. “I thought my mission in life was to teach people how to be mentally strong,” she said during our podcast conversation. “And I didn’t realize how much I was going to need mental strength.”

None of her “13 Things” can be taught in school. School teaches facts. And it teaches you to memorize facts. And it punishes you if you forget the facts.

But facts won’t help you survive the tragedies of life.

I wish school had taught me how to really live. How to be healthy. How to survive the hardest relationships. How to be creative every day. How to surrender to the things I can’t control.

2. A FEW BAD HABITS CAN DERAIL ALL GOOD HABITS

“A few bad habits can derail all good habits,” she said. She listed some bad habits:

– mentally strong people don’t feel sorry for themselves
– don’t host a pity party
– don’t look for sympathy

3. AVOID TOXIC PEOPLE

“You want your core people to be people who uplift you”.

Strengths and weaknesses are contagious and viral. You get to decide who you will associate with.

I was talking to a friend of mine who has finally achieved great success in his field after about 20 years. I asked him what was the “tipping point”. What finally took him over the finish line to this next area of his life?

“Recognizing the good people from the bad,” he said. “Working with those people. Connecting them. That’s a life-multiplier.”

4. DON’T WAIT UNTIL YOU FEEL BROKEN

Amy says the medical health system is broken is because we wait until we’re broken to get help.

If you ask a heart attack victim “Why did you get a heart attack” they never answer, “Clogged arteries”.

Instead they talk about stress, a broken heart, a career situation, family, and so on.

We all know instinctively that our mental health and physical health are connected. But we seldom act on this knowledge.

Avoiding this knowledge can destroy your life.

5. ALL IS NOT LOST

Amy’s mom died of a brain aneurysm. She passed away at 51 years old. Two weeks later her Dad’s house burnt down. And they lost all her mom’s possessions.

“ I had to remember those are her things but they aren’t her,” Amy said. Three years go by. Then Amy lost her husband, Lincoln, at age 26.

Every card player knows this: play the cards you are dealt. And you will often be dealt bad cards.

This doesn’t mean the game is over. It means the people who play the best know what to do with the bad hands.

In standup comedy, not every crowd is going to laugh. But don’t blame the crowd. Learn how to lean into the silence. Take command of it. Make it meaningful.

6. DON’T AVOID

“You can’t heal if you try to avoid. You have to take care of it,” Amy said.

She told me she took time away from work. She surrounded herself with a loving community.

Trauma is a tattoo on the soul. It doesn’t wash away…

I thought back to a trauma I experienced recently. Someone close to me really hurt me. I had always been afraid to ask for help before. As if I could survive all trauma by myself. Nobody would ever need to help me!

But when I asked for “help”, I found that so many of my friends wanted the gift of being loving and useful to someone. To me.

Asking for help was like using a magic power I didn’t know I had.

7. YOU CAN ALWAYS DO SOMETHING

“It isn’t about thinking everything’s wonderful,” she said about learning how to reframe your negative thoughts, “It’s about coming up with something realistic.”

But I asked her, “Why do people always think they’re doomed?” “It’s a learned helplessness,” she said. “And it becomes a habit.”

For me, this is why I always list ten ideas a day. Even if they are bad ideas (which they almost always are). Even if I don’t execute on them (it’s BS that “execution is everything”).

I list them so that when I need them, my idea muscle is a machine that can come up with ideas when I need them.

The muse doesn’t wait for you. You have to constantly romance the muse.

8. NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING

Key mantra: “I don’t have all the answers.”

Everyone has strong opinions these days. It’s so hard to have the opinion of, “I don’t know”. Because it’s so difficult is the reason why it’s so valuable.

9. THE LAW OF EMOTIONAL RELATIVITY

After her husband died, Amy had a client who told her, “You’ll never believe what happened while you were gone. My husband almost died of a heart attack.”

The client didn’t know Amy’s husband DID die of a heart attack. “I reminded myself that you can’t choose who’s pain is worse,” Amy said. “And overall it just helped me connect with people more.”

I try this exercise when I can. I imagine that everyone I pass on the street is my daughter.

“Don’t do that,” someone once told me when I told her I did that. “It sounds fake.”

Well, I don’t care how it sounds. That’s what I try to do.

10. LIVE LIFE LIKE IT’S EVERYONE ELSE’S LAST DAY

A friend of mine has six months to live. He’s had six months to live for the past seven years. He just celebrated his seventh “cancerversary”. He’s my age.

Instead of living life like it’s your last day, I try to live life like it’s EVERYONE ELSE’S last day.

The statistics are this: I’ve been around a good 18,000 days, give or take. It seems to me like I’ll never die. I can’t help feeling that way. 18,000 days is a lot!

But if I treat everyone else like today might be their last, then it’s like fuel for me to love them as best I can right now.

The only promise tomorrow makes is: don’t waste an opportunity to give a kiss today.

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